My own scrap pad..

SMACK@#$!@%

2012-01-27T06:09:00.000-08:00

I remember seeing a cartoon picture on a book, some 10 years ago. It had a pretty smiling face of a boy in his early 20s. Like an angel, he has a halo around his head. He has a big grin, kind loving eyes, cheerful cheek and a pleasant, gentle handsome face.

In the next picture, there is a hammer on his head which has ‘TEST’ written on it. SMACK! The impact of the hammer on his head makes him scowl. SMACK! SMACK! You can see the pain in his eyes. SMACK! He is yelling now. A big smack at that I guess.

The third and final picture, shows the same boy, but his face is dark. With eyes glaring, and eyebrows hostile, gritting his teeth, and fumes from his ears. His hair stands straight out. His face seems bellowing from the picture.

Transition from Beulah to Meulah I guess. Will Beulah survive the test?

I corithians 9:26,27
Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Flint Stones

2012-01-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

I love Flintstones! Fred, Barney and especially Wilma.

Just last week, I came across a phrase 'their hearts were hard as flint' and that's when I looked it up. Flint is hard, much harder than bronze that they used it as knives in olden days.

I always thought hard hearts are those which are ARROGANT, PROUD and STUBBORN. ohhhh...Not me. I am not like that.

But you know what, sometimes hard hearts are slowly formed. It takes lot of time. When you don't get your way, you could be silent, and composed, but if you don't treat it, it slowly makes your heart hard. Hard as flint. Once harder, it is difficult to penetrate, melt or break. You get it?

The struggle to keep it soft, simple and light is difficult. You should forgive instantly, forget immediately, you should not pile it up, but instantly remove it from your mind. Its kinda funny. You can't take instant decision, and neither can u process it for too long. The former would be reckless, the latter could end up being vengeful, which is worse.

What did Jesus do? Did anyone encourage him, love him, thanked him, understood him ( for the right reasons?) He came to serve and not to be served. That stops the loose talk.

To 'die to self' everyday, every moment is hard, but it is important not to pile up regrets, anger or fear. Remember you are one step closer to becoming a flint. FlintStone :)

Remembering the sufferings on the cross, helps. 'Don't let your heart be hardened.. Don't let your love grow cold... May it always stay so childlike - may it never grow too old... ' Love this Petra song :)

Zechariah 7:11,12 “But they refused to pay attention; stubbornly they turned their backs and stopped up their ears. 12 They made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words that the LORD Almighty had sent by his Spirit through the earlier prophets. So the LORD Almighty was very angry.

Greek?

2011-12-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

'Whoaaaww' I heard my niece exclaiming loudly. I did not turn around. I was typing something on my laptop. She brought my 7 yr old nephew along. And they both were talking in high pitched tones. Suddenly she closed my eyes. She said, ‘Keep on typing’. I stopped after few seconds, and turned around.

They both were giggling. I said, ‘What’s so funny!?’. Both were so excited, they were jumping around and talking at the same time. My niece, then stopped him and said, “YOU can type without seeing the keyboard!”

Oh really? That was news to me. Using the computers for years now, that I never realized I can type without seeing. I bet most of us do that with ease now. I still remember the time, when the keyboard dint make sense. Why dint they put all alphabets in the right order? Searching for each and every alphabet, seemed to take forever especially when you are in a hurry. how I need to extend my little finger and forefinger together to type something like ‘&’. I never learnt typing.

But now, it is so easy. If you ask me, I don’t think I can ‘say’ where each key is. But I ‘know’ where it is. Right from your password! Your finger just moves! It is quite irritating when you use another keyboard, or a different laptop, where your backspace or delete is all messed up. Or talk about using a Mac, where I am back to square one.

So, it leads me to conclude, that you learn, you adapt and you master it. Takes time, and probably effort and difficulty at the beginning. But then a piece of cake. Looking around, can you count the number of things we have learnt, adapted to, and are expert at?

OHOOOK!

2011-12-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

I picked a book, out of sheer curiosity recently. “Power at the Bottom of the well”, Bottom of the well?? I flipped through it, it talked something weird about translational analysis, I was about to put it back, when something caught my eye.

It said, everyone of us have PAC Ego; Parent-Adult-Child ego in us.
P- Parent – That which we inherited from our parents, kind of a rule book. Do this, don’t do that.
A-Adult – Which analyses, understands, and decides based on the finding( much like a computer).
C- Child- which dreams, fantasies, fancies, feels, and responds – a bundle of emotion, faith, and child likeness.
We all have this inherent in us, and we show forth or act in a particular way. If you think Adult ego is the best, you are wrong. It has to be a blend of all 3 egos.

It also talked about 4 types of people.
1. I am ok, you are ok .
2. I am ok, you are not ok. (Prideful)
3. I am not ok, you are ok. ( inferior/self pity)
4. I am not ok, you are not ok. –(depressed)

What am I ? How do I react to others?

I wish I had more time to read it. I told my husband to read it, which I am sure won’t happen. So if you are on a look out for some crazy good books. This one sure, will make an interesting read.

Actions speak louder?

2011-12-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

Not really! I was as surprised. ‘Actions speak louder than words’ is true, but more that that it is ‘Reactions speaks louder than Actions!’

Reactions! The first 10 seconds. Your eyes, your lips, your brows, forehead, your tone – reflects them. A reflex action!! You may do something, unwillingly. Without your heart. Without your desire ( do something u hate) without your mind in it. And it shows!

If you are snapping, growling, agitated, it shows. Like a mirror. You may look like an innocent kitten. But it does show! :) The tone with which you speak, reveals. The book said, the communication is 7% Words, 38% Tone of voice and 55% Non-words(Facial expression, Gesture, Posture) This is more true among families, than at work place.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of our heart, be acceptable in your sight, our Lord our Redeemer. Psalms 19:14

The struggle within

2011-10-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

This could be a bitter truth. But don’t I love bitterguard? :)

Its not just in corporate life, but in school and college life, girls/boys, men and women are dealt equally. In studies, in career, in sports, in every area of life, you see women on par with men. They compete, grow, and thrive togethar. Growing up with a house full of boys, or among friends, cousins or team, I never felt any different.

So, after marriage, I was in for a rude shock. When it dawned that I had to cook 3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and do all the household stuff with a smile, you can imagine the grumpy Meulah. The 'why me' factor set in, the world seemed unfair and the rebellious Meulah rose up.

Perplexed of how complex life could get, I get to read a book, which said clearly that marriage is definitely NOT a 50-50 proportion. I couldn't take 'man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.' I corinthians 11:9 until I learnt the power of submission.
In this wide, wide, world, Order, Hierarchy, authority, harmony, boundary that we see in nature, creatures- trees, animals, birds,insects,leaves, music, orchestra,dance and in almost everything keeps the balance. Without which it would be a mess. This balance that we see is quite reassuring, that Everything is under God's supreme control and plan.

There is an order, a divine order, a boundary, lines are drawn - not by my husband, but by God himself. A sailboat in the rough seas, could survive the trip, if it obeyed the laws of sailing. If it fought against the wind, water and the storm, it sure will be broken beyond repair. But if it takes to herself the power of the tide and wind, they become it's own! She sails swiftly and beautifully. She is built for that and that defines her freedom - a choice, a discipline that doesn't stifle but gives power and beauty. Submission is not being a doormat, but accepting the divine order in obeying, respecting the man over me, which will help the boat sail smoothy following the rules of sailing (for which it was built ) instead of fighting against the rough seas. Obedience is no more a sign of weakness/ captivity than it was in Christ when he laid down his life for us- sinners.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22.
Ladies, read 'Let me be a woman' - Elisabeth Elliot. It did good to me! Thanks to my dear friend who gave it to me. Apt time!

5-6 hrs!

2011-10-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

If you had 5-6 hrs of electricity per day, how would it be? Can you imagine? No lights, no fans, no ac, no fridge, no mixie, no microwave. Nothing. Electricity only for 5-6 hrs the whole day!?

My bro had been to Jharkand last week where he had been to remote villages, which had no electic posts. No roads. No lights. No hotels. My jaw was wide open, does such land exist, in 21st century?

They had driven for 40kms where there were no roads. No buses. The public transport are vans which can carry 8-10 people, but transport 60-70 people. The ones on the roof have half ticket price. Most of the people, walk. Praveen said, never ask the localites for directions. They point directions as if it is a 1 km walk which usualy is 30 kms away. Without a map, and uneven dirt roads, they had a once in a lifetime experience, living like the localites. He said, he dint see a single person with a big belly. Not one. The people eat once a day. The eat rice.They eat lot of rice. ( 3 times the quantity that we eat)

In every village they go, they were warmly welcomed by pretty girls. They garland the visitors and wash their tired feet, with water. They live in bamboo huts, 1 room is clean, the other is a messy, as it has their wealth- cow, goat, chicken, pigs. They sleep, eat and live next to them.

Mosquitoes are the enemy- causing deadly cerebral malaria. My bro had to take medicines 3 week before and after, the 5 day trip. But I wonder how the people there live, survive, exist. Especially missionaries, who has seen the other side of the world and yet are committed and dedicated to help and improve those people' lives.

The house

2011-10-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

We lived in a bungalow, aka 'The Haunted House' from '85-'92. It had about 11 rooms. Each room had minimun 4 doors, and the main hall had 6! We had to lock few doors permanently as it was so confusing. We laughed that if a thief breaks in, he wont know how to get out.

There were 10-12 trees surrounding the house. Probably 100 years old. HUGE trees. You cannot wrap your arms around them. You cannot see the house from the gate. It was covered with trees. There were wild bushes, and tall grass around the house, that it practically made the area a home for snakes. If you are lucky, you can spot them inside the house too :P We have killed lot of snakes inside and outside the house.

No wonder my mom HATED the house. And we kids, just loved it. THE best place for hide and seek. You will keep seeking and keep on seeking :P. It had a huge well. One side of the house was prohibited. Lot of tall grass and wild buses. You can find sweet boxes there, thrown by the family who lived above us. Boxes had dog poop! There were two dogs, they owned. Julie and Tiger. I was afraid of both of them. They were huge. There were 2 other bungalows on either side, with whom we talk only during Christmas. Those houses were as big and old and covered with trees. You hardly get to see or hear them.

Why this reminiscences tonight? Well, dad and me happened to go there, and we saw the house sans trees. The two bungalows on either side were demolished. A huge aparment complex was getting built on one, but our old house - the building was intact! We went inside 'our bungalow'. We met the rightful owners, and were too excited when they invited us in.

We had lived in that same house nearly 20 years ago. Each room brought back fresh memories. Mom yelling, brothers fighting, me crying. The tree house the boys had built and prohibited me from climbing was nowhere to be seen. The place was clean. No trees, they had neatly laid grass everywhere. The old building was painted, renovated, but still stood its ground. They said, to nail a nail, you need special hammer. The walls were 4 inch thick. The huge well behind, dint seem huge. It probably looked to be big then, because I was small ! Perspective!

I was so excited and happy to walk through each room, touch the same walls and doors. I thanked them for not destroying the old house. They laughed and promised me that I can bring my grandkids, and it will still be the same! Oh, how I wish it be the same!

Btw, dad was sharing about how you 'leave' a house, when the landlord asks you to vacate. You have to move, find another place to live. Its just like that with death. You leave your body, when it is time, and move to house that God has built for you in heaven. :)

John 14:1-3 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

ONE

2011-10-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

A friend asked me if it was mandatory for Christians to read the bible and go to church on Sundays. I said, no and no. Its just that it is not meant as a ritual, but as a relationship. With someone you love. I told her how God refers the relationship as 'First Love' and expects to love, think/dream about, trying to please, spend more time, talk about anything and everything and give yourself completely without hiding anything. It is not out of fear, but of love the relationship strengthens.

I also told her, how incidentally that God refers to himself as a 'Bridegroom' and refers us his loving bride. He cherishes, loves, protects, and cares for us as a bridegroom would do a bride. I told her that its not that God resides in the Church, for he himself dwells in us, and says that we are the temple of God. The Holy God dwells in us, and how the 2 become one! The mortal sinful body, containing the all powerful God- because of what Christ did for us! Isn’t that amazing. I told her that we go to church for the fellowship with fellow believers.

I ended, wondering how I was able to believe and practice this tough concept but have difficulty to wrap my mind around this concept in real marriage! My pastor said, ‘Know that marriage is an outward expression of the inner works of God in your life’ and that means, all the things I learnt about forgiveness, love, kindness, gentleness, anger, selfishness, so far in my life, - the inner works of what God did to clean me in my life-the ultimate being/test is in marriage. Love in action, Forgiveness in action, gentleness in action, kindness in action. Patience in action, kindness in words! No wonder marriage is so very complex and difficult. Who says, go get married? My warning, to all those singles, you are getting into a jam. Dare if you like to be jammed. The REAL test. :)

Mother

2011-09-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

I love my mom. I love her smiling lips, the twinkle in her eyes, her lovely giggle and chuckle shaking all over, when she laughs. She fed me not only as a kid, but even in my mid 20s! Early morning, breakfast ( mostly idli) was from her hands, while I combed my hair, rushing to office. I remember how cranky I was, running around and evading, and shouting,' I am full, that's enough!'. I remember, how she used to force me to eat the 4th idli- even while I am putting on my shoes, and running even to the gate, pleading, just one more mouth full.

Before stepping out, she said a quick word of prayer ( which I so insisted to be short! ) and I gave a quick hug and a kiss on her cheeks saying goodbye. This was our ritual. I realised how much I missed that last week. Sathish mom reminded me of her. She is almost the same. Forcing me to eat that 4th idli, and ensuring she prays over me, before I step out to work. I praise and thank God, for the hug and kiss I get from /give my mother (-in law). It is a blessing and I am so grateful to my Lord, for giving her to me.

She is a brave woman, who had studied till she was 52, a teacher, a hard worker raising 6 kids, and a Godly woman who wakes up early and sings loud and ensures we have a family prayer in the morning and ofcourse at night too. I dono if she loves cooking, but she cooks all the time, asking and cooking what each one likes and wants. ( which keeps her in the kitchen all the time) . I have not hear her complain or grunt, which I would do even at the slightest displeasure, if someone doesnt eat what I cook. Her love, hardwork and effort and PATIENCE is something I don't think I can ever match. She can cook any dish - any request /desire made - at ANY time! She is different from my mom, definitely different! I don't think I can, nor can/will even try to be like her!

Oh yes, my mother cannot be replaced! But God has taught me that if you are willing, he gives you mothers. Cathy, Janet and now my mother in law! Oh, how nice to be loved and cherished, and oh yeah, pampered :)

My comb!

2011-09-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

My family will easily recognize this. It is MY blue comb. No one can use it. No one will. I have used it for more than 4 years. My mom hated it so much to the extend, she threatened she would hide/throw it away! She wanted me to use this only to remove the tangles and then use a fine comb to comb by long hair. But where do I have all that leisure time? I had no time, that I was combing my hair on the way to work, in the car pool. Now I have been banished to comb hair in my car, owning to the fact, I am donating all my hair in the car.

Now back to the comb story! My family turns into a search party every morning. I keep losing my blue comb. I have been so used to it, that without that, I can’t comb my hair at all! So we all search. The best finders are my mom, dad and niece. They seem to know exactly where I left. ( My husband is joining the club soon) Without doubt I get scolded everytime they find it.( except from my niece). So what makes me write this? Well, I lost it this weekend, I found that I lost on Sunday morning, getting ready for Church. After church I searched, and couldn’t find anywhere. Being a small home, it is easy to find things, and when I dint find it, I thought I missed it in the car or at office on Saturday. I felt bad. More than 4 years, and I lost it? No matter how much I pacified my heart, my mind kept thinking about it.

Monday I find it in my purse! You can’t believe the happiness I had, when I saw the blue thing! I would have yelled on the top of my voice. But thankfully I couldn’t. I was in the railway station, trying to get something out from my purse. ( I swear I looked into the purse more than 20 times this weekend) Anyway, what is even more strange is that, the same weekend, I had lost my debit card. I dint look for it till now. Dad called and said I had got a letter from the bank with the card and enquired if I lost anything. I said no, and looked into my purse.. I had not had my debit card for past 4-5 days! And I can tell you I wasn’t panicking. But praise God, the account was intact.

Soaking wet and bubbling!

2011-09-29T10:09:00.001-07:00

It was the usual busy morning, 7.40 AM I was running to catch my carpool. . The moment I stepped outside, I was pleasantly surprised. There was no sun. There was a cool breeze. It was cloudy, dark skies. I should have worried if it would rain, I had no umbrella, but today I was not. My cell phone beeped. More bad news, my car pool friend on leave. Now I have to take a motorbike, a bus and an auto to reach office! 3 modes of transport, probably 90 mins of travel.

I had all the reasons to be grumpy. ( I was cranky at home, and dint even talk to Sathish this morning) But things changed, in a second. I was happy. I was excited. The wind blowing made me happy and I started thanking God singing, ‘Thank you Lord for such a beautiful day, reminds me of the love you gave to me, I wanna reflect your love to the people that I meet, today!’ Everyone on the road was in a hurry ( afraid it would pour- coz it was really dark lowlying clouds!) But I was smiling, I was relaxed, and going pretty slow, enjoying the ride. I said, I don’t wanna miss this beautiful weather! The wind was ghostly. It pushed all the mud and dirt in the air. I couldn’t open my eyes to clearly to see the road. I had sand in my eyes. But still I was singing. ( It got me wondering, what got into me!)

It started pouring half way through. I was wet. Soaking wet. Our roads need just a 5 mins constant rain to have puddles all over the road. It was muddy water. I had to leave my vehicle, jump the puddles and wade through dirty water to catch the bus. God sent a good bus at the right time. I was happy to get a seat. But only to find the seat was wet too. My hair was so wet, my clothes were wet, and my heart was bubbling.

Now I know no matter what, God can give you the best attitude, to give thanks in all circumstances for that is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. I also know, that my mood affects others. People at home, people at work. If I am happy, it reflects. If I am sad, it shows. If I am angry, it blows. If I am bubbly, it overflows! So its all me now. What I choose to be in Christ!

Bubble!

2011-09-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like walking inside a bubble.? The reality doesn't sink in? Looking back, I have felt that many times in my life. But here are the most important that I remember.

Two years back, when mom was sick, I was active, responsible and strong. 3 Characters which I never had. I was doing things which I would never do. After mom's death I was still in a bubble. Unhurt, unsinged, brave.

I felt I was in a bubble again at the altar with Sathish. For a brief moment, I took a step back, and thought what on earth am I doing?' Marrying a stranger, a huge leap of faith. Is this for real? Reality dint strike, with all the hype on makeup, the attire, the camera, the family, friends... But I knew it was in the bubble.

21st Sept should have been etched in my heart. But thanks to my memory I forgot. It was my mom's 2nd death anniversary, and we were at the same hospital, the same day for Sathish. He had terrible stomach pain and was vomitting the whole day. We admitted him for the night. I was not troubled. I realised I was inside the bubble once again.

The bubble is the term am using for the protection I have, like that of the soap advertisement, where you are covered completely, and no amount of dirt can touch you. It is the safe haven amidst the trouble. I am glad, I have been inside one all my 3 decades of life. Safe and sound in the weird wide world. Covered and protected by the blood of Christ.

Luke 13:34 'as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings'.

The heart to write...

2011-09-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes.. just sometimes you feel like writing... you have so much, that you have to write it down. The thoughts just flow and flow, no matter what you do, you feel energised to write, that you just grab a notepad and type, or type directly as blog.

I disliked the way fb status said 'What is on your mind?' What does it think it is? Poking into private minds.. and yes, definitely many of my friends, me included gave in and wrote what was on our minds. So it is a weird state of mind, that wants to spit everything out..even though on fb something may be completely irrevelant.

Writing blogs is interesting. I write for myself. None of my brothers, or anyone in my family read my stuff. ( I guess that's good, coz I can write whatever I want!) I have made good blog friends, those I have not even met. It does feel good. But there are lean times, when you don't feel like writing. But I take heart in the fact, coz, when I do, I can't stop! I remember getting up at night, turning on the laptop to post something. When mom was sleeping next to me, I remember scribbling in the dark on a paper. I call that as my writing spree!

Yippeee am on one now. Linking blog with facebook.. not sure how good that is.. coz now, many of my friends get to read and comment.. So I guess that's good :)

I thank you Lord, I feel so good, for every single cell in my body is fine!

Flexible??

2011-09-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

I thought I was quite flexible type.. You know what I mean. Can adjust to things, new environment, new people. And of course food, weather, lifestyle. To add to my pride, many of friends, entertained the same idea. Oh you, beulah, you can manage! But am I really?

We were in a store, getting kitchen stuff, when I was insisting on getting a particular kind of dish( vessel) for milk, spoon, glass. Sathish would pick one, and I would say, No NO! NOT that, lets take this one. He would have an enquiring look as to ‘Why?’, and I would reply that’s the way we had it at home! I realized, how picky I was when we left the store. I had a bag full of stuff - MY way! And what was I so particular about?? A spoon? Where is my experimental, adjusting brain??

It continued in the cooking too. Sathish loves cooking, and for someone who hates it AND demands her own way, it is really bad to consider herself 'the queen of the kitchen'. Sathish kept a distance. I cooked my mom’s way. It was always 'We did it this way....My mom taught me this way.... We used it like this only'.

I wonder where my flexibility had gone!

Why not rather be wronged? I Corinthians 6: 7

The ultimate test!

2011-09-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

While finishing school, I was just happy, I won’t have Quarterly, Halfyearly, Annual exams. But College was a different story. So while finishing College, I was just too happy no more Semester exams, and resolved not to go for any higher studies. So no more test, no more exams.

Well, I was terribly wrong! At work today, we have to take 2 certifications every year. You have to clear them, or your promotion, hike are questionable. Its been 4 years in this company, and God has been graceful to help me complete each year.

I also thought I was doing good.. Till last month. The ultimate test. Whatever you learnt, read, taught, wrote(in blog!), thought, well it’s all put to test every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! It feels like, God said, Oh yes, I know you are good and want to be good, and you have been good at it so far. Now is the time to put it to the ultimate test! I can’t wait to clear this every day! (there is no escape!)

Roller coaster!

2011-09-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

I love the rollercoaster. I have friends, who at the sight of it, cringe back and say a big NO. Last ride I went on my own, was at a huge theme park. 4 of my friends stayed back. I went alone, and was dying to go back again. :P

Yes, the safety is questionable. Imagine one of the bolt gives away and u fly away! ZOOM and a THUD, CRASH, BOOM! Haha.. Sounds funny. On a serious note, I agree rollercoaster are one of the wild rides. Just the look of it, and the noise makes yr adrenalin pump, and your guts wrench.. But I guess that’s the thrill of it.

Oh life has become a roller coaster. You go zooooooom, zip, splash, and a wroooom,whoosh, zoooooom. Unexpected, exciting, thrilling, scary, weird, head spinning, adrenalin pumping, stomach churning, mind boggling… Oh boy this phase is weird.. It’s bad that nobody tells you what's involved.. and you have to go through it on your own to know it all! Its definitely not the old cozy spot! But new and different in everyway.

I have one big consolation, that I know the manufacturer of the rollarcoaster, the faithful one who put me on it the first place! So I just have to relax and enjoy the new ride!

Discovery!

2011-08-29T03:05:00.003-07:00

The best person to know all about me, is me! - This is what I had always thought. But past week has been a revelation of I, me, myself. Stranger still, it takes another person to discover the real me.

Chapter 2 has been different in every way. I had thought, it would be little different, but never thought that it will be a 180 turn in every way. Spiritually, emotionaly, physically, and mentally. Chapter 2 is different, way too different from Chapter 1. Apart from discovering each day more about me and Meulah, there has been lot to life, which I had been utterly unaware of all these years.

Its been a secret. Yes, a profound mystery. Definitely, indeed! In every way! I know there is more ahead. But one thing is for sure, God who made my Chapter 1 exciting and adventurous is going to be with me in Chapter 2. Though it is little scary, I think with faith I can say, ' I am game'.

Dove tail joint!

2011-08-17T11:04:00.001-07:00

We had a class in carpentry during Engineering and one of the joints we did was Dove tail joint. This joint is little complex and demands utmost precision. Both the wooden parts are pretty different. Infact they are completely different. But they have to be so, to make a strong joint.

Past few weeks, I was reminded of it along with a story I had read some 10- 15 years back ( in Guidepost!) . A lady was preparing to stitch a blouse, and was cutting the cloth into pieces for the arms. She was pondering in her heart why she and her spouse were so different from each other. She was so lost in thought, that she realised a little too late, that she had cut the left and right arms of the blouse as the same left side. Now those two pieces were completely useless and were unfit for the blouse. God taught her that day, that only 2 different - left/right arms of a cloth can make a blouse!

A dear friend of mine, commented once, that her spouse was custom made for her. Intrigued, I had asked what that meant as hers was a forced marriage, without her consent. She replied, God is good all the time, and he is in complete control of all his children's life, and that her spouse has been the kind that she had prayed for.

I am so glad, that God has full control of our life, and that though different as each block of the dove tail, he ensures it is a custom made joint. Strong and perfect for each other- specially and uniquely built by the master carpenter.

Yoked!

2011-07-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

They talked about yoke at church. I have never seen a yoke closely( I guess). So here's the google version.

Yoke is heavy, hard and difficult to have around your neck! Imagine being tied to something like that. But in reality, we do have lot of things tied up in our minds. Worry, fear, anger, addiction, money, control, fame, power. Something that is tied so hard, that it actually takes a toll on us. They tie 2 bulls to the yoke. Mostly- 1 strong and the other weak, or 1 experienced and other new. The stronger experienced bull, leads and guides the way and the weaker one follows and learns.

In our life, we either have cares of this world, or God as our yoke. If we have cares of this world, they sure get stronger and lead u astray. But if we have God, he took away the worry, pain, all the sin, punishment on himself, and now the burden is on him, that the yoke he gives is easy and light.

All we have to do, is have his yoke, and follow him. A faith walk, without sins or burdens. and what do we get, the bible says, we are 'Holy' , ' Righteous', filled with fullness of Christ'. Isn't it too big a title for me!
I hope I don't get bull headed and pull to my own way!

Are you yoked? btw, to what/whom? What's pressing you now?

Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The book I love!

2011-06-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

Name a kid, who doesn't love comics? That's how I started my first Bible. It was a picture bible, with pictures and dialogues in comics style. I loved that Bible, read it from cover to cover. Even now, the images or visuals of many of the characters or stories in my mind, are those from that Bible.Dad was working on a picture bible for tribals, without any language so he had collected lot of picture bible for his drawing reference. So my next bible was a LARGE Children's Bible. That was the age, when my favorite books were Hardy boys, Nancy Drew and Enid Blytons. The children bible fonts were huge just like the story books, that I read them like a story! ( I was probably 9 or 10 )

Looking at the way, I was reading the Bible, my mom and dad gave me a Gideon's Bible to read. I found it very hard to understand. The language, the font, the format were all so different from the Bible I loved. To make it worse I dint understand a thing. So my mom told me to read the Tamil bible parallely.

It was this time, that I made a friend with a book lover. We exchanged Hardy boys, Nancy Drew. She was a voracious reader. She would finish the book in an hour, whereas I would take 3 hours. We decided to read the bible togethar, and boy oh boy it was fun. We finished completely in English ( KJV) and Tamil, again and again may be 10 or more times, that we lost count. To tell the truth I don't think, if I really understood the meaning, I read it like a story book. Enjoyed the History books; gospels, dragged through the prophets, skim read the epistles perhaps. But it was fun to read togethar. Many words in both Tamil and English bounced off my head, but I just wanted to finish reading the whole bible, from beginning to end.

Then dad bought me a study Bible and my brother a Student's bible. I loved it at first sight. There was no columns like a traditional bible, the font was big. Moreover the language was very simple- the story book kind. I understood the meaning, I enjoyed reading it, I underlined,took notes. I woke up at 4 everyday, and spent time with God. I was young, probably 12-14, and that's when I started having a personal relationship with God, and learnt the power of the cross, about HolySpirit, about God's love. During family prayer, me and brother asked a lot of questions to dad. What this means, why so, how did it happen. Hearing and then reading from the Bible, was an amazing feeling. I then moved on to a 1 year bible, and then I often got back to my big old study bible. It is so bulgy, and old, with lines all over the pages! But I love it! Its been more than 10-15 years since I used it, but still get back to it to find some verses, coz I know which page, which side, and what color pen i had used to underline a particular verse! My favorite verse was Gal 6:14 and my favorite book was James!

My friend introduced me to Philip Yancey's book. Oh, how I loved them. By then, my mom had restricted me from reading all novels ( it was school exam time) So I stuck to only Bible and a little of Christian books. In college, my craze was on John Grisham's book, but when I realised my QT was reducing, I decided to stop reading all novels until I bring my QT steady. The same rule applied for any spiritual book. So these days, only when my QT is full and overflowing, I read any other Christian books/magazines! Works well for me!

Just as left is to the right!

2011-06-11T02:06:00.001-07:00

Some habits are ingrained in your mind, that you do it automatically, without any thoughts. I was bumping into people, while walking in the hallway/corridor at work. My client manager called that a lil Indian dance. The problem was, I was taught to walk to the left, and my manager was taught to walk to the right. So when we meet in the corridor, am undecided, and move to the left and then to the right. Total mess. Now you got the dance?

In India, and I think even in UK, people keep to the left- on road, walkways, corridors etc. I had to learn and make a conscious effort to walk to the right. It was hard, to unlearn something you have learnt from childhood. But human mind is adaptable. You learn things and then learn to unlearn things. I had to, once I reached India. I was bumping into people again! I was walking to my right in the corridors, hallway of our office, railway stations, on the roads. I consciously tuned my mind to walk to my left. My short trip to Detroit, made it even worse. I was doing the Indian dance.

I wrote this couple of months back. Now its even more clear. Certain things are different. Just as left is to the right. Its better we learn, adapt, unlearn, and adjust than to change the environment we are in. We cannot expect things/people/environment to change, coz its different! - Just as left is to the right!

Pine Cones!

2011-06-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

My bro literally laughed out loud, when I opened my bag. I had blamed him, for the TSA had broke open my lock and had checked my bag after I had checked-in in Detroit Airport. ( I had got clay for Praveen, and I assume, they thought it was an explosive? Dono why, I have had 3 security incidents in the past 7 days in 3 different airports!)

My bro, laughed seeing all the pine cones I had brought. While going for a walk around my hotel, the lil pine cones fascinated me, that I picked few of them to my room. While vacating my room, hated to leave them and brought them along. In addition to that I got few from Cathy's home as well. Never realised that I had 15 pine cones! All the way from Houston, Detroit and now in the hot Chennai! ( and other cities on transit ;P)

If you had known me 20 years earlier, you wouldn't be surprised. Me and my friends collected stones 'precious stones' as we called, any pebble, colored stone or funny shaped stone was in our school bags. Yes, we also collected feathers. My favorite one was a greenish red parrot feather- a gift for my birthday from my friend. We stuck them in a collection album ( I did no stamp collecting!)

As my co-worker in Detroit, says, these days I have a thing for leaves and flowers. Every lil, big leaf or flower ends up pressed up in Bible. Everyday it reminds me of an awesome God who took time and care for such simple leaf, which is here today and gone tomorrow.

It also tells me that we don't have to go the Niagara or the Mt.Everest or the Swiss to be stunned by the beauty. All it takes is that we look down, on the grass and the teeny weeny wild flowers. So I got to see the purple crepe myrtle of Houston, the White Dogwood of Detroit, the pretty yellow tree in the sun scorching Delhi ( I spotted nearly 10 of them!) or the cotton puffed cloudy skies of Chennai! Seems God has put us in one HUGE BIG school. All we need are eyes of my 3 yr old nephew, whose eyes would light up, if he sees snow, or mine, when I get inside a huge icecream shop. But most of the times, we just shut our eyes so tight, that we miss all the fun!

Btw, bro said that I can find those pinecones in Ooty! I love them anyway. ( I still got no idea what to do with so many of them, if you have a bright plan, do lemme know!!)

Helpdesk

2011-05-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

I called the helpdesk. I was in a hurry and was furious when I couldn’t check my webmail.They resolved it in few mins.

Few hours later, I had a question and was wondering if I should raise a request online or call the Claims desk. A 888 number. I dialed. After just 1 ring, a guy picked up. He not only answered my question, but gave lot more useful details. I thanked him and said how surprised I was to be responded quickly. I asked ‘where are you located?’. The guy responded Bangalore.

After the call, it made me wonder, how nice to have someone respond so quickly and clearly as if I were talking to a teammate who sits next to me. Its hard to believe, but I know for certain if I call now there will be someone to respond, across the seas, wide awake at the middle of their night, with a cheerful voice, and a great attitude.

If I am so sure and confident about man/a company/its policies ( which is now there and may not be tomorrow), how much sure I can be of a God who indwells in me, and is working in me. If only I would call him all the time!

Paid!

2011-05-24T19:42:00.001-07:00

We got this badge this afternoon at work. Our client had paid off 7+ Billion dollars loans they had taken. Well, it was a time of celebration! We got more than 2 emails, there were couple of PA announcements, and the ceo talked at noon to all the employees. More than a 2000 gathered for that brief 15 min talk. There were hi fis, hugs and smiles all around. and yes we all got that badge.

Looking at that red 'PAID', I couldn't help myself smile, and imagine how jubilant we all should be everyday, for yes He paid in full with his blood, that I now have eternal life, an abundant life! What a relief! No matter, what we go through in this fallen world, it never matters! Coz, he has finished the deal. What hope, and strength and faith we can draw on that fact, to live inspite of all the struggles. Yippeee! PAID in FULL!

Ezekial's wife

2011-05-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

'With one blow I am about to take away from you the delight of your eyes. Yet do not lament or weep or shed any tears ' Ezekiel 24:15.

And Ezekiel loses his dear wife! And he wasn't even allowed to mourn! 'Groan quietly, and do not mourn for the dead.' That took me by surprise, I never knew Ezekial wife died this way. When we talk about loss, we talk about only Job. But here is Ezekial, losing his beloved wife in probably 8-10 hrs. Just like that. He was made as a sign! (v 24) why? That 'then they will know that I am the Lord'.

This phrase 'then they will know that I am the Lord' appears 53 times in the Bible, and all of it from this book! In whole of Ezekial, God pours his love and passion on Israel in so many different ways. If only Israel would listen. It is just the same now. If only 21st century(we) would listen.

This story, also makes me wonder, will I be like Ezekiel and be ready to be a sign, no matter what that takes?

Let go

2011-04-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

Mom thought I had real nice long fingers, fit to play the piano. ( I was a teen then) She made me go for piano class near home. More than learning music, I was eager to go to the class early and wait. Why? My teacher has a stack of Guideposts on her living room. I used to be a voracious reader then, and loved reading that magazine.

Below is a poem I read one day, that has stuck with me all these years. You probably have heard me say this as a story more than 100 times ( with exaggeration and a lil twist). But here it is again, believing that this lesson on trust that I learnt more than 15 years ago, which had imbibed in me ( inspite of my terrible memory), will also help you in your walk and that I won't ever forget again.

As children bring their broken toys,

With tears, for us to mend;

I brought my broken dreams to God,

Because he was my friend.

But then instead of leaving him,

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help,

With ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow?"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go...."

Poem's called 'Broken dreams/broken toys/let go and let God.' Looks like my memory is not bad after all!

Jammed.

2011-03-26T11:36:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my carpool friend, who took leave today, I had to take the train to office. Nothing had prepared me for what I experienced. I knew it would be crowded, but not to that extent. I did not have to ‘get into’ the 7.40 AM train, People behind me, just pushed me into it. The complete 60 min travel, was a sandwich of human bodies.

Fortunately I found a place to stand, leaning against the wall of the seat. But I quickly found it was a wrong place to stand. People getting in and out automatically, magically move in and out. And you have to be flexible yet be rooted like a wall, to prevent being swept away into the current. I could smell the shampoo of a girl in front of me. And what was that? Body lotion or deodorant? It smelt good. Her hair was brushing against my nose. I couldn’t blame her. She was sandwiched by 6 women, whereas I was by just 3.

With nothing to do, all you could do is observe. Curly hair, short hair, long flowy hair, big eyes, squint eyes, blunt noses, sharp nose, cute earrings, bracelets. Sad eyes, scared face, worried eyebrows, Tired faces, Anxious faces. There were college students, school kids and ofcourse, my fellow co-workers.
Learnt one thing for sure. When things corner you, against your will, it sure is hard, yucky and painful. But you get to see things you have never seen before. Especialy from someone's else shoes.
Heard this at church today, that sometimes God puts you in a pressure cooker. You know what happens to the chicken inside? The meat comes off the bones. Sometimes God gives us pressure cooker situation, for a total surrender to God. To humble and remind us of his might, power and love and beauty!

Know that you know?

2011-02-19T05:59:00.000-08:00

I couldn't stand it any longer. How can he get away with every nasty thing he does?! Not fair at all. He can break things, throw things, crumple a book, tear a paper, shout and scream when he want to, and does any body stop him? All that I have been hearing is, 'Oh, it is ok, he doesn't KNOW it is wrong. He doesn't KNOW anything' Ha! Anything? I know he is a brat. If he can throw temper tantrum, when he doesn't get what he wanted, and put on that cute face and do something that he is not supposed to, with such a lovely smile? You can see Meulah writing this. Meulah or Beulah, its all the same.

I was reading 1 John. Well, Adam, in his terrible two can do get away. But not Beulah.
Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did. ( I John 2:4-6 FULLSTOP. Aint that pretty clear and straightforward?
He goes on to say, 'I do not write to you because you do not KNOW the truth, but because you do KNOW it and because no lie comes from the truth.'v21. No one needs to teach me about anything, because, God with me, teaches me about all things!v27 ( How I wish I only listen!)

21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22 Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.” II Peter 2. Now that's a warning!

What's that stench?

2011-01-26T19:06:00.000-08:00

I entered my apmt an hour back, and couldn't even breathe. The stench was so bad. I turned on the AC. ( Its 47F/8C outside), finaly I had to open the door, and let the cool air in to take the stench out. So what was that stinking smell. The trash can was empty. Did I leave any leftover food on my coffee table. No. Toilet? No. It was really sickening as I had company. My friend looked over the kitchen and said, that's where it comes from.

Strange. For I haven't been cooking regularly.Yes, there were few dishes, that I had not washed and were in the sink. After my friend left, I decided to see if she was right. She sure was. There were not much dishes. I just finished washing them. Took 10 minutes to wash them all. But they had remained there for...errr... 4 days, leading to that yucky smell.

Lesson learnt: Never let your dishes pile up. No procrastination. God reminded me of my quiet time. It was seriously getting shrunk. I once had my alarm at 6.15. Now I get up at 7. It won't take long before my life gets yucky and stinking. Good wake up call.

Love and Respect

2011-01-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

"Women need love.Men need respect.It's as simple and as complicated as that.— Emerson" This is on their home page of www.loveandrespect.com. So simple and clear, but why does so many marriages fall apart? I read further.

LnR is rooted from Ephesians 5:33. A verse that I have had trouble with before. Lady respect your husband? Why not vice versa? I never realised that men regard repect more than love. Kind of weird.

Yes, love and trust are required equally by both. "Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue! " Conflict! that makes the difference! Aha! More than 70% responded that way states the website.

"A woman needs love like the air she needs to breathe. A man needs respect like the air he needs to breathe." It goes on to say, that they are connected to an air hose to a respect/love tank. When you step on the air hose, ahem you are choking the person!

"Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as is unconditional love is for her." Understanding it and practicing it through the Crazy\Energising\Rewarding Cycle does take time. The simple step towards it is, 'if you have bitterness or boredom or a conflict, trace back to see if you did anything in an unloving/disrespectful way. Set it right by giving 'unconditional love and respect'! ' Some wisdom! All the best to my married friends!!

Give up!

2010-12-30T22:21:00.001-08:00

Give up? how rude! It is a huge graffiti on a building that I cross everyday to work. 'Give up' on the way to work is sure not helping!

But it made me think, what kind of signs do I put on, to people around me? At work, or home, do they see me as annoying/offending/proud person or an encouraging/humble/helping/ motivating person.

What do people read you as?

Bits of paper.

2010-12-28T22:31:00.001-08:00

It was a huge building. A place that can easily hold 500 people. We had our christmas program there, and the crowd had just left after a sumptuous dinner. Nobody told us to clean up, but few of us started to pick up the trash.

In that huge room, left over cups, spilled food, drinks, scattered plates, paper napkins were all over the place. A huge mess all around. We started to clean. Some started sweeping, some on all fours, wiping a spill. some stooping with the dust pan. And it made me think. There was no specific method. No competition. No one to tell how to, or why to. No one to check if we did it well, applaud, or supervise. No one to compare who did better. But we were all picking up trash. We were moving fast, and we were trying to quickly get it cleaned up and we did finish up within approx 30 mins.

It made me wonder, if it was the answer I was looking for. In this world- like our huge room, we have trash all over. God has placed us in different places, in different situations. Could be a tough spot at work, a small help at church, a small chore for a friend, a phone call to a friend, a small prayer for an ailing friend, could be Houston, or Chennai. Different places, different need, different environment, problems, different situations. There is no competition, no comparison. No specific method. The only target is to help clean the mess. A servant attitude. To help as much as we can, as quick as we can in the harvest.

I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. John 4:35b
37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38 Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9:37,38

Got Inheritance?

2010-12-28T22:30:00.001-08:00

When a lil baby is born, everyone is anxious, and quick to respond who the child resembles. His nose is from the dad's side of the family. His dimple cheeks is from his great aunt. His thick hair is from her granddad.

On that Sunday, we learnt about Michael's grandpa. A hardworker, who shined his shoes and tucked his shirt every morning . He inherits that discipline and hardwork from him. But above all, he remembers his dad dressed up and sitting at his desk every morning for the quiet time.

I have never seen my mom, dad have a fight, not even raised their voices against eachother or at us. I have seen them handle disagreements in a calm, serene way. At any instance of pain or fear or joy or confusion ( wherever we are), I have seen them say 'Lets pray' and pray aloud immediately, as if God is right there standing next to you. I have seen my dad on his knees for hours every morning. With tears in his eyes praying, with his bible wide open. I have sneaked in on my brother to watch him on his knees, and even read few of his 'post it' notes- letters, he has written to God. I have seen my mom, instilling the power of family prayer every night. I have seen my brother on his knees, fasting and standing in the gap.

Looking back, I see that I have learnt more from observing my family and not from anyone 'telling me to'. That's the biggest inheritance I have got.

I dedicate this blog to all my friends who are mothers/fathers.
My pastor said, if you want a Queen for a wife, check if you are as responsible as a King. I think I can extend it to, if you want good, obedient, polite, smart and happy children, be sure what you leave as an inheritance. Little eyes are watching you.

Deuteronomy 6:7
7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Nourishing and Tempting

2010-12-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, I accept. Most of the time I forget to pray before I eat my food. It especially happens when I am very hungry. I have caught myself chewing/gulping when I remember and start praying.

So it was a thunderbolt when a friend equaled that to what Eve did in Eden, with the fruit. "Good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes". Oh yes, nourishing and tempting that it can even cloud being thankful for our food.

Mom always reminded us of the thousands who have no food/no proper food. Lord, help me to be thankful everyday, for the food in my plate!

925 million undernourished people in the world today. Check where people are hungry in this map. Courtesy: Wfp.org
http://documents.wfp.org/stellent/groups/public/documents/communications/wfp229328.pdf

Christmas lights?

2010-12-08T12:02:00.001-08:00

Oh they are beautiful! Lights everywhere. On trees, on the bushes,even on the tall buildings, on the fence, on the rooftops, the houses, the streets on either side of the roads! The whole city is lit up. I have never seen anything like that before.Red, green and gold!

I sure was carried away, by the beauty of all of it.

Amidst all the beauty, and the excitement, as someone who has seen the otherside of the world, I can't help but gasp at the huge diversity!

But seeing the below display, made me beam wide!

Shopping or Cemetry?

2010-11-29T21:39:00.000-08:00

Call me weird, but I like going to the cemetry. Just walking around, reading the epitaphs, calculating their age, and matching the family members! Old tombstones -100-200 years old are even more interesting. Would they have known, that someone from this century would read about them??

It is one place with NO activity. A place so silent, and so still. It seems the world stops spinning there. People who were alive and kicking, with friends, family, someone who laughed, was hugged, kissed, and loved, are now jst a name above the ground. Here lies someone who was once dedicated hardworker, a loving mother, an intelligent scientist, a millionare, a talented singer, a kind doctor they all end up six feet under. Whatever they worked for, lived for, their aspirations, their achievements, everything comes to a standstill. 99% of those who are buried there, don't come there willingly. Ironic aint it.

Working for a leading death care industry, I finaly got the opportunity to see one of their cemetry. The very STRANGE thing, which I've never seen in India was, those well and alive ( not dead), leave their name on the tombstone, with their birthyear. ( Seems it is cheaper to add only the death year later- like that of the picture). Weird? I think that actualy makes you well prepared for that big day. Afterall, that's bound to happen anytime!

Oh yeah, going to a cemetry is less intidimating than shopping. Atleast for weirdo me!

None

2010-11-10T21:36:00.001-08:00

Who wants to do nothing? Get up late, laze around, do absolutely nothing all day, but still get paycheck? What do you think?? My pastor asked us to raise our hands. Few hands went up. He asked us again, and this time to tell the truth. :) He raised his hands first. We all did. It felt good to know that its just not me!

Bare minimum. That's what we do at times. Barely getting by. Do nothing, but want to get reward. Easy life. No trouble, no hiccups. Just glide through.

But God wants us to give our best. The best of our strength, our finances, relationships,our health,our time, life. Lesson from the parable of talents. The king does ask for returns. We ought to give the max effort, with whatever we have. Fight against our own desire to be lazy or to do just the bare minimum, but maximise all that we have to the full potential, making use of every opportunity.

He went on, 'God put us in the field to play'. We are just happy to be in the team, and if we don't watch the ball, but just linger around the outfield, you will be chucked out of the field.

Matthew 25:14-30

Restless

2010-10-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

I dono why, but recently when I read the passage of Judas, where he decides to betray Christ, it occured to me how he would have felt. Satan had entered into him. and you can imagine, how that would have been. CHAOTIC. The struggle, restlessness, all the worst possible ideas, confusion, doubt, fear, anger, despair. He gave in and then finaly gave up his very life.

I am bad in taking decisions ( big or small), thinking on the pros and cons, what might, what may not, working out the permutation and combination, it is a mess(h) of thoughts. But when the thoughts are too overwhelming, and over controlling that it overflows, we are restless, with too much going on in our minds. Yes or a no, to be or not to be. Yickes. It sure drives me crazy.

But I have learnt to understand that Satan loves keeping me confused( he sure is jumping with joy), pouring out doubts and flow of random, irregular thoughts that can tangle me and get me tied up. It can cloud our minds so bad, that it boxes us up, all we are is restless and a wall builds up blocking the face of God. For after all that's his goal to keep us away from God.

So the key is to turn our eyes upon Jesus, to look full in his wonderful face. And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace!! Oh the tight situation remains. Being cornered and demanded of a decision.Yes or No. To be or not to be. But inspite of everything, I sure know, that God gives me the peace that surpasses all understanding, the wisdom to discern and the strength to say, not my will, but your will be done and After all, it is he who is holding me, and I can see his smile on his eyes. http://nebeula.blogspot.com/2009/01/uncertainty.html

and when we praise God, and put on our smile from the heart, inspite of the mess we are in, haha I can see the frown on the face of our foe.

What's your point in life?

2010-09-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

What's your point in life? What are you doing? Life is brief. Too brief that we may be here today and gone tomorrow. So, what's your point in life? A question directed to those gathered at church on Sunday evening.

Is our life pointing at our job, our bank account? None of it is worth it, when you lay still at your funeral.

It is worth it, only if my life is pointing to Christ. Just like John the Baptist. He must increase and I must decrease in all that I do.

Huh, where am I pointing!

Ironic

2010-09-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

Looking at the fish pond we cleaned last week, a friend asked if I had ever cleaned a fish pond at home. We have a 'fish tank' home, and yes I was the one who cleaned it, but it hit me real hard, if I had ever cleaned it that eagerly.

I remember my mom whenever I am in the yard. She loved plants. Flowers. Did I share her interests? I never watered the plants. I hardly took time to even look at them. She was the one planting them, watering them, re-planting them, admiring them, talking to them. My mom fed the street dogs. She saved all the leftovers for them.

She was the one who locked the gate at night, opened it in the morning. Got us coffee to our beds. Breakfast, lunch, dinner to the table. Kept the house tidy. Washed the clothes, got it ironed and neatly stored in the cupboard. She was the 'finder' of our house. Keys, purse, Id cards, shirts, bags, books, pens, letters. She could find all the lost items. She called twice daily to ensure I reached safely and left office on time. Waited eagerly till I get home. Checked if I ate properly. Forced to take any medicines.

Alrite, all the above just makes me more guilty and miss mom. Why I started writing this? Well, she had been tirelessly cooking, cleaning, working hard all her life for us. I wonder if I ever did help her out without 'hurry', without 'irritation', without 'exasperation', or 'anger'. Did I ever appreciate her for being for us. May be am doing restitution now. Cleaning the fish pond. In another country!! yuck. Cherish your mom or dad. I don't think there's anyone on earth who can love you as they do.

Ex 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

A What?

2010-09-05T12:26:00.001-07:00

On my first day, of my first job, I was leaving the building to go home (at 6 PM), when I bumped into my new Manager in the elevator. She asked,"What new thing did you learn today?". I sure had lot of things to say, as it was my first day. She smiled and told me to ask myself this question every evening before leaving work. Growth requires, you learn something new everyday.

Whenever we meet, my Pastor has this question. 'What has God been doing in your life today/this week?'

This week, he asked a bigger one. When we die, and we meet God f2f, he's definitely going to ask, 'What have you done in your life to glorify me'? What is your answer? He also cautioned, that if we had done something for our feel good factor, we have just glorified ourself and not Him.

Luke 19:13So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.'Put this money to work,' he said, 'until I come back.'
15b ..Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out WHAT they had gained with it.

Why sleep?

2010-09-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

When we are always racing against time, lining up tasks to do, chores at home, deadlines to meet, complaining we have no time to finish work or spend with family and friends, inspite of so much to do, why do we sleep? When lay our body still, hands and legs doing nothing, mind (as well) absolutely doing nothing, for atleast a minimum of 5-6 hrs?

Sounds silly? It sure does, but why do we sleep? We have no control over eyes shutting close and our body pushing itself to lay down. Neither do we have control over the hunger, when the stomach clocks strikes, there is no way of shutting it up. Try not drinking the whole day, or holding your bladder or keep from batting your eyelid. We just can't.

There are rules, we just can't neglect. Rules of the body. There are rules of life too. We reap, what we sow. No matter how much we try or prove or imagine, 'all's well', what goes around comes around. Big or small. Its horrifying to know that sin demands punishment. The wrath of God is true. There is no escape.

John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him.

Chocolate wisdom!

2010-09-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

I was watering the plants today, and noticed as the water hit the soil the color changed. The dirt, black and well, dirty dirt, mixed with the water was creamy and I don't know why, but it reminded me of CHOCOLATE. Yes, the creamy, yummy chocolate.

And I wondered, how chocolate became so famous, and favorite. Inspite of its dirty color. The yucky color is more a yummy color now!

And this dawned, what God was trying to teach me: It doesn't matter how you look. It only matters how you taste! To people around you. :)

Col 4:6 'Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt...'

Outlive your life

2010-08-31T07:31:00.001-07:00

What can you do with your life? Max Lucado, puts forth a challenge, that prompts you to look into the book of Acts, at the ordinary lives of disciples, who were empowered by God, to do the extrordinary. We are no exceptions.

It starts, with exploring, to discover who we are, as God 'unshells' you. The way God has designed you to feel compassion, and longing for people. Is it the homeless, sick or the elderly? Find it out.

Then team up with people, look for avenues where God can use you. As simple as opening homes for dinner and being hospitable. Seeing people, the way Jesus saw. Into their eyes, and giving the touch that people need(Peter healing crippled beggar.)

Preparing for persecution ahead, saturating in His presence to be strong( Peter before priests). Being careful not to be a hypocrite and doing good with no one seeing you( Ananias & Sapphira).

The book focuses on Jesus target audience. The poor, the blind, broken hearted, captives and the opressed. Do we have them in this century? Don't we all around us?

It also reminds you not to forget the bread of heaven. Jesus. And not to forget who is holding you life. But to move ahead, and identify the walls we have boxed ourselves in. ( Philip ministering to Ethiopian Eunuch).

Not to write-off people like Saul! (Ananias and Paul.) How to treat discarded people.( Peter & Gentiles). Treat them right! Prayer, the praying first and most (Peter in the jail.)

Max closes with Jesus on the Judgement day separating the sheep and the goats. The question asked was not salvation.But consequence of salvation - Compassion. Did/Do we feed the hungry and the thirsty? clothe the needy? care for the sick? invite a stranger? visit a prisoner?

It is a challenge to listen to the inner voice and be obedient to take one little step at a time. It throws open a whole wide view of opportunity that is all around us. Are we ready to obey?

I am thankful for booksneeze to send me this free copy of Outlive your life. I am really overjoyed, and humbled to be 'considered' a blogger! I have greatly been blessed by this book.

Plastic smile

2010-08-31T07:30:00.000-07:00

I guess this is my third blog on smile. And I wonder if I will ever stop. A person with a beautiful smiling face inspired me to write this. The problem is, it always has 'fake' written all over it.Always! How does he do that? yickes. I hate it.

Thinking of which, do I fake a smile? Obviously yes. Sometimes. Many a times. When I am sad, angry, frustrated, someone comes with a hi, hello, howdoudo? A wry forced smile. Can you spot it. Oh yes, you can easily spot a plastic smile.

Plastic smile is no good. For the giver nor the taker. A smile from the heart, enriches, encourages, and strengthens. A plastic smile, dries you up and who would want a fake smile!

How do we smile from the heart? At any, and every situation? Knowing that Jesus has the whole universe spinning under his control, and that I am his apple of His eye, and that he has drawn me in his palm of his hands, gives me the trust and strength to face, come what may. As I learn to throw my burdens as quickly as I get, onto him, I can. Don't I now, have a reason to smile? To smile from the heart?

Love at last sight!

2010-08-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read it right. Love at LAST sight. Not the head over heels, butterfly effect and pretty rainbows. Way past that, till death do us part. Through thick and thin. Through awkwardness, differences, silence, frustration, discouragement, arguments, disappointments. A love with all your heart, mind and soul.

In their book, Love at Last sight, Kerry and Chris Shook share the Word of God about relationship, in a down to earth practical way. Walking through the relationship puzzle with all its complexities, twists, turns, failure and challenge. Relationship is hard work. Intentional than convenient. Commitment rather than feelings. Action Adventure. Risking awkwardness, to move to the danger zone from a complacent comfort zone, giving up control and giving over to God. Pleasing God and not men. Accepting and not expecting. Learning to ask, listen and not assume. Accepting change as growth. Serving with humility and not selfishness. Treating people as priceless and not as perfect. Appreciating and not discouraging. Taking conscious effort to work togethar.

We hardly ever think seriously about it. Things that we take granted for, gets the special limelight on this book, as we learn to pause(STOP), challenge ourself into growing the kind of person God wants us to be. Nothing else matters. The insights on 'relationship lessons' from Jesus when he walked on earth, is amazing. I never realised there were so many.

"The next time you're face to face with someone you love, ask yourself, If this were the last time we were togethar on earth, what would I say, what would I do? " check out www.lastsightchallenge.com, you can read the first sample chapter under Books.

Show off

2010-07-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

My mom/ bro called it the Red Sea Event. When you face a huge Sea in front, towering mountains on the sides, and an enemy army behind, you are frozen in your thoughts, and your foot is unsure of where to step into. Confused, perplexed and fear struck.

Frozen. Big time. I was into one such stuck inbetween period, when a friend of mine at lunch, just smiled and said, 'Well, that's the show off time'. I said,'a what?' He beamed, and said, well 'It can't be better than this'. Better??? I am all stuck on all 4 sides, and its better? He went on. 'This is the time for God to show off. You can't do anything, but he's gonna display his power and majesty so beautiful as you hold on to Him.'

Show off, He did. Many a times. When I've hit the dead end, he shows off with a way, as long as I trust him and walk in faith. Next time as I hit the Red Sea Event, I am all eager like my friend, ready to see His awesomeness. Knowing, he will show off his Mighty power and display his love as he has already done. Yes, there is confusion,and fear and anxiety so overwhelming in every decision, step I am to take, but I know that my God has been faithfull so far, and he is forever. I can walk with faith trusting him to take me through.

All I need.

2010-07-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

Even when men abandon me, when my flesh stinks as its rotten
When all my wealth is lost , and I am pushed over saying I am no good.
Jesus is all I need.

They sang this beautiful song in tamil ( Yesu podhumae)in a prayer meeting last evening. Last time, I sang it, was in a hospital room. We had just got mom admitted coz she had difficulty breathing. Me, dad, Praveen were there, and just before they( dad n bro) left for the night, we had the family prayer. Mom loved this song, it became her favorite after she heard it being sung by a blind leper on a cold winter morning on the streets on her way to work. The peace in the face of this hungry begger, had left a mark on her heart.

That night mom was coughing blood, and I for one, had no idea that her lung nodules, were what was coming out nor that she had just 4 more days to live. May be my brother did. He choked at the verse above. Mom gave him a hug, she had her oxygen mask on,seated (she couldn't lie down her last 4 days.)

I don't think I can ever sing this song again. But I know for sure, that Jesus is all I need. I saw it in my mom's face.

Fine print!

2010-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was given a task of researching on LED signs installation for our Church. So I was on the lookout for signboards. I cross one on the way to work everyday. But what I never noticed was the fine letters at the bottom of the sign board that gave the name of the installer and their phone number. So past few days, I have been straining to read the fine print on it and other LED signs that I pass through.

What made the difference? The same signs, the same places. I read the signs all the time, but had never noticed the fine print!

I believe we all have fine prints. Things that say something extra, even though we don't verbalise it. We can read between the lines, when a person is upset, but still doesn't look upset. Anger, indifference, disappointment, expectation, hope, longing for love. We can see that fine print in people that we meet with, the ones at the store, our collegues, neighbours, friends and family. But do we ever notice it? Do we take time, to even notice it? Its there alright, but do we read it? and then what do we do about it?

God does! and he wants us to be like him! Now I see sign boards everywhere with a fine print on them! and I hope I do what God wants me to do about it.

1 Samuel 16:7b"... Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Ephesians 5:1a Be imitators of Christ!

Just around the corner

2010-06-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

More than I spend watching my face on the mirror, I spend lot of time online. Today, as I checked my messages on FB, I was horrified to read about a memorial service for a friend I had just chatted with last week. What on earth, was that! He was probably 23.

I know he is in heaven, happy with the Lord but what strikes me hard and strong, is how sudden, and how unexpected. How many do I chat with per day? What if... ( I HATE to complete that) How fragile and futile our life is! You step out on the streets, and you just never know! Forget the streets, in your own kitchen, I was thinking about all of it, and got my finger burnt. Freak/Fatal accidents can happen anytime! It's purely by God's grace that I am breathing.

What is important in life? Thoughts of what to eat for dinner today, what to wear to work for tmw, my appraisal next year, my savings this year, my career goals, what kind of house, car, health, family? Well, NONE of it is going to come with us when we die. How much prepared I am for the eternal life, and how many of my friends? In the light of an unexpected death, of me(you), or my(your) closest family or my (your) closest friends, or friends, could we bravely say, that I(u)/he/she is in heaven? What am I working towards..?

Priority!

2010-06-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Your best friend at school, with whom you spent hours togethar doing homework, playing, and cycling; is not around when you get to college. Your close friends from college with whom you always hangout with, are no where around, when you get a job. The collegues you were so close with, the lunch and coffee breaks, the weekends, the night outs, are not in touch as frequently as you used to be, since you moved out to a new project, new city, new company.

Your priority changes.

As a kid, all you learnt, all you looked up to was your mom, dad. Things change a little as you made friends. School friends, college friends, office friends. Things changed a whole lot, when you get married. Everything is your spouse. When a baby comes your way, the whole world takes a different turn. Now when two babies come, now that's an altogethar different story.

Change seems to be the constant factor. New people, come into our life, make a mark and leave. We don't have one person, who will always be there and be the same! There is a mismatch of time, frequency, understanding, behaviour, culture. Restricted by distance, space and way of life. How many times, have you stopped short in a conversation, because it doesn't feel the same anymore. ( I am often stuck with the mundane 'Hi, How are you? Howz work? ' with the best friends of yester years! ) Priority seems to change every time.

But thank God, we have One who can understand, love, and is the same yesterday, today and forever. One, with whom I can talk anytime, and feel close. What is my priority to Him?

Heb 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever!
Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness.

Breezee

2010-06-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I have resisted change all my life. So when my new roomate moved in, I wasn't so sure. And we were so very different. Food, language, lifestyle, hobbies, likes, dislikes, interests, expectations, everything was different.

But looking back at the 3 months she was here, I have had nothing but fun. We did all crazy things togethar. Shopping, eating out, walking, stories we shared, movies we saw, or just the talks on and on, and boy, she is a great cook! Our favorite show on TV is the AFV. We could see that for hours again and again. ROFL literally.

Its been like a cool breeze, that was soothing, gentle and quick enough. I thank God for giving a good friend. I am not sure, how she'll respond when she knows about this blog, she's up in the flight flying home. Its been just 3 hours, and I already miss her!

'Change is good! - from Freshman Father

Lifted up!

2010-05-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

'Lord, I lift your name on high.... '
'We wanna see Jesus lifted high... '
Cast your burdens... Higher higher... lift Jesus higher..'

Lifting hands, and standing on toes for these action songs at Sunday school, may be got me the idea, that lifting was lifting up high above. So 'lift your name on high..' is that lifting up in sky? or 'We wanna see Jesus lifted up!' was it up the cross?? What did really mean?

Last Sunday when we were singing some lifting up songs, i kinda stopped abruptly. Here was a God, who created the heavens ( including all galaxies, stars, nebeulas, the powerful sun, the cooling moon) the earth, powerful volcanoes, the lightning, the thunder, the awesome waterfalls, the animals, from tall giraffes, teeny ant, huge whales and tiny tadpoles, the lil sparrows and the huge eagles, the pretty rose bush, to the giant oak trees, the lil womb, to huge heavy weight champions, the complex innovative brain, the complex nervous system, whew how great, how great is thou art!

An awesome, amazing God, and he says, he lives in you and me! Inside me! How crazy is that.

Now that being the case, as I get up snoozing my alarm dozen times, fix my hair, breakfast, and rush to work, and check my mails more than a dozen time( or more)in 5 mins, eat n do my own mundane stuff, where is the power of Him inside me? Half the time I am oblivious of the fact, that he is within me. Oh yes, I go to him for any hue and cry at work, family, or my health ( say as silly as seeing a bunch of white hairs!) How funny?!

You won't believe, how many people know that my dad is coming here. They say it is written all over my face, as I am beeming and oh yes downright excited!

But how much of excitement, should I really have in having the all powerful God WITHIN me? Talk about limiting him! I hardly do a thing to lift him up above my daily chores. Ofcourse I pray, read my bible, but that's still limiting him. Imagine, I have him, who has the power to heal, to forgive, to care and love unconditionaly. And ofcourse I have my stupid self, that ALWAYS thinks abt me, me and me alone all the time. As I say, I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection. How much do I really know?? or the fellowship of the sufferings, becoming like him in his death! Hardly. The sacrifice he did, denying his power, or the humility he wore and the life he lived.

Well, back to lifting up, I think its high time I put him above all things in my daily life. Boy, he says its a holy temple! Wuf! I need to give him the due. Lifting him up above me. Above my self, my decisions, my finances, my desires, my thoughts, my expectations, my past, my present and my future. He is the all, my all in all, let me stop singing, and start living.

phil 3:8

Staying up late?

2010-05-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ever stayed up late? Not at the movies, partying with friends, or working, or chatting. Worried about the wrinkles on your face, dark circles under your eyes, flabs on your hips, and tummies?

Well, am talking about staying up late because your child is sick or/and in the emergency room, worried because your baby in your womb may be missing a beat, and that you eat for your baby, you are worried about every single cell in your womb growing into an organ, into a baby!

Yes, am talking about mothers, who seem to have unconditional love swelling in them ALWAYS for their kids. Be it a baby in the womb, a terrible two, a teen or a grown up! As my friend said, you can't get rid of your kids, they just keep growing. You first wait for them to turn over, then crawl, then few baby steps, walk, potty train, talk, run, dress up, ride a tricyle, a bicycle, read, sing, study, make friends, btw, fix breakfast, lunch and dinner, snacks, morph into a doctor, teacher, coach, friend, well the list seems endless. I can't believe how my mom raised us FOUR kids!

Gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, rich in love. Ps 145:8. God wanted us to see the impossible, yet practical, logical, sample of him face to face. He gave us all, 1 per person, to absorb, relish the love, forgiveness, patience, care that He has and gives; through MOTHERS. Hats off to them!

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you. Isaiah 66:13
..As a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.. Luke 13:34
Staying up late? Next time, think about them :)

Mirror mirror on the wall,

2010-05-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

IF you had known me personally, you would know by now, my 2 great weaknesses.
1. Memory.- I can't remember what I had for breakfast, few minutes back.
2. getting up early- Being a nite owl, it has always been a struggle.

This was such a Monday morning, when I had snoozed the alarm for an hour, got up late, and hastily getting ready. I was combing by long hair HURRIEDLY, that I stopped short seeing the image in the mirror in front of me. I peered into my image in the mirror. I felt like seeing my mom. I don't have her lips, was it the cheek? eyes perhaps? brows? may be forehead? I am not sure.

I also catch myself doing things that my mom used to. The way she used the knife for mixing food, the dosa, the salt, sambar. I knew what she would say, on any situation. She wasn't around, she wasn't seeing, but I knew, and I do, even though she aint looking! Strange.

Remember looking at any baby and saying, she resembles her dad/mom? Well,I guess, that's what God expects too. To be in his image. To do what he would want us to.

Magnolia!

2010-04-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

Near our balcony ( Am on the 3rd floor), we have this huge tree, that is blooming with flowers. The flowers are pure white, and are as big as the size of my palm.

There are hundreds of buds on that tree and nearly every morning, I come to the balcony with the hope of seeing a white tree, full of the pretty white flowers. It's been few weeks, but no. I get to see one or may be 2 white flowers, the rest are happy to remain as buds. Why don't they bloom quickly! I am running out of patience!

Oh yes, they die as quickly as they bloom too, the petal dry sticking to the flower, and get brown like brownies :( It looks sad, but I know, they can't live forever, just as how we can't. And just as each flower blooms at its own time, we all have our own time to bloom in our life! But whenever they do, they are the prettiest bunch ever! Oh am so blessed to see this Magnolia everyday, to remind me!

Seeds along the path

2010-04-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

I cross a huge church everyday to work. It has interesting marquee signboards that they keep changing. The latest one read 'Healing the family'. Hundreds of cars go past. It is a busy street. How many people see it. Does that mean anything at all?

Only the sick need the healing. Only those who seek find it. Only those who thirst, need water. For others, it makes no sense as we are Stable, Settled, Satisfied? Insensitive. Sublime? Indifferent? I don't know. Plastic?

Only an empty glass, gets refilled. Only a softened heart, a good soil is ready for seeds to produce crop 30,60,100 folds. Makes me realise, that I need to empty every day, make my heart tender, humble towards God and men. Realise the need of the El Salvador.

Spring!

2010-04-13T21:28:00.001-07:00

Rightly named. Looking around, I see everything fresh, the grass, the leaves on the trees. The bare cold winter melting away and life springing forth out of every thing that was brown.

I pass through lot of trees on the way to office, and all I see now is fresh green, bottle green, so bright and clean.. Such beautiful leaves springing up from all trees, that were once so very barren, brown and dead.

The flowers are so wonderful. Red, blue, yellow, orange, the colors seem to be splashed all over the place, as if from an artist's paint brush. Where were these flowers for so long? An overnight miracle? The dead grass, springing forth with fresh bright green grass, now spotted with hundreds of wild flowers all over the place.

Change is beautiful. Yes, I do agree now. Things might look barren, but I know deep inside I have a living Spring. And as long as I draw from it and let it touch all my being, I know I will spring forth with green grass and bright flowers!

I never knew

2010-03-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I've never seen popcorns being made so far. I have seen the Popcorn guy handing it out. I have seen it magically change in the microwave. But today, I got to see it firsthand.

I never knew the kernels were so small. I never knew the heat could bring out so much good out out of them. I never knew they taste awful, without salt!

I have been muling over for sometime.I never know, why I ended up here. I probably would not. But just because I never knew, it dint exist! ..Lesson learnt 1.I may not know the big picture. I may not understand why. But there are things you may not understand at all 'RIGHT NOW' 2. The heat may be painful enough.. But its good.. Popcorns are good. aren't they? And I know my maker wont let it burn..

PS: I made some chappati today for the church potluck. Not just that, I taught how to make them in my pastor's home. The funny side is, I never knew how to make them 2 months back. I learnt it for dad.. I never knew, the big picture!

zib?wqz6

2010-02-13T08:33:00.001-08:00

Well, that was the pwd given to me at work in Nov 2007. I was told, I can't change it the first two days. I had to use this pwd for accessing ALL my stuff. I had to write it down, memorise it so that I dint lock my account.

Well, at the end of two days, I had used it for nearly for 50-60 times, that it was imprinted on my memory. Believe it or not, I dint change it for the next 4 months! :D

Now after 2 years, I still remember it.. Knowing my capacity for memory, you know that it is an achievement. Its funny, that certain things stick with us.

Certain things/people look complex and difficult at first.. but then, you get around it.....

Love language

2010-02-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I am with a bunch of friends, who speak different languages. Gujarati, Hindi, Telugu, Haryana. I try to make out what they are trying to say, and end up having no clue. Today, I laughed when everyone laughed, and even ventured to interpret what they said. Everyone had a good ribtickling laughter, as they heard my interpretation. I was badly, madly, entirely wrong!

Talking of different language, Mike said about 'Love Language'. This is unique for every one in the planet. How you show your love,to the one you love. One may show love by buying a gift, or doing some chores, or hugging, or spending time, a caring, understanding or encouraging word, or cooking.

And here comes the tough part. To show love, you need to speak the love language of the other person you love. Else it will be like Greek to the other person, and Hindi to the other.

What language do u speak to your mom, dad, brothers, sisters, loved ones, friends? Yours or theirs??

Chaos

2010-01-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

Apart from the shock of seeing a well planned cold blooded murder, by a known very ' righteous' man , it was amazing to see it recorded blatantly in the Bible. Uriah and David. Though being a king, who has right to kill anyone, anytime, the incident was not hidden, not justified. Not excused.

Well, reading it I felt bad for Uriah. Here was a dedicated guy, who says he wont go home, when the army and the tabernacle is out in the battle. One who obeys immediately and even carries his own death sentence!! Wuf... David repented, that's true, but Uriah dint know that. What if David meets Uriah(In heaven). How would he explain himself?

It will be utter chaos in heaven, if one is not reconciled, even if he repents. Reconciliation to the one, to whom we had done wrong. Apologising, accepting and setting our relationships right is as important as repenting to God. David dint get a chance. Do you?

2 Samuel 11

Worst case scenarios

2010-01-23T10:30:00.001-08:00

I've made a habit of cooking it up. Say I call someone, and nobody picks up, it could either be
1. the person is not interested in talking, the person ignores my call. No return calls, or remorse for a missed call. Too busy with more important things.
2. The battery was down. or The phone was in the other room. The phone was in silent mode. There is some problem with the phone. Was in a middle of an important meeting or call.There was no signal. or worst case, the phone was stolen.

We always think. But if we train ourself to justify the other person action as in point 2, it is a sea of difference. We can apply this daily to any situations when someone is late, someone hasn't replied your emails, messages, calls, or be it someone did not return your smile, or 'good morning'. Saves a lot of disappointments.

I've practiced it for few years now, and am still learning. Couple of us go to work in car pool. My friend, whom I have known for nearly 2 yrs, is ALWAYS punctual. When I say punctual, he is dot on time. Not a minute late. For him, 1 minute late is VERY late. Being the opposite, I have learnt to be early most of the time when going with him. In all these days, only once he was late. Just once. For 30 mins. It was cold windy day. Standing in the parking lot, I lost all my nerve. I was mad. Had I put into practice my WCS theory, I could have kept my cool. Well, his boss had called and he couldn't inform he was late. But the anger that boiled inside me was so enormous and though it had a lid on it.. I don't think it was worth it. WCS theory... I guess I still have a long way to go.

Finaly it drills down to this secret. To expect from God and not on men.

I hate cooking!

2010-01-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

Just like my mom. Yes, you heard it right. The first time she ever cooked, was after marriage, when she made upuma without salt. Dad always exclaims, wonderful, marvelous to whatever you cook, and that turned her into a marvelous cook, I had ever known.

Mom cooks quick and tasty. Her idlis,sambar, chicken, putu, biriyani, paayasam.. whew they were mouth watering. I started cooking, for the love of mom. I loved to surprise her. She sure was surprised, by my burnt rice, burnt chicken, burnt milk ( oh yeah) and burnt everything. Ask my brothers, they even have a name for all my messed up food.

As I look back, its been 12 yrs of my stint with kitchen! I cook the essentials. I had resolved only to cook for mom.. But these days I cook for dad. Nothing beats the happiness you get, when you get nothing to eat( no leftovers), since it tasted so good! :) My friend says you can leave everything, anything, do anything, for the love of your life! How lovely!

Huh, now it makes me wonder, what I do for 'THE love' of my life? The least I can do is spend some quiet time every morning.. For all the things he has done for me... and to know that all he asked for was one tenth.. yickes.. that means 2.4hrs/day :(

Sea of faces!

2010-01-20T07:42:00.000-08:00

The place where I work houses nearly 9000 employees. Unfortunately, everytime I have to reach my building, I have to cross the Food Court. Lunch time can be so overwhelming. The place is so loud and overflowing, that you wish no one was there.

It is quite irritating. But these days, I just let myself loose into the crowd. The sea of faces I see all around me. Lean face, Stout face, square, oval. Bushy eyebrows, thin, scanty ones. Eyes that seek, speak, eyes that are lifeless. Long straight nose,blunt small ones. Scowling face, smiling and frowning ones or plain blank ones. Tall ones, short ones. differently abled folks. Short hair, curly and straight ones.

Such a variety of faces, and definitely distinct behavior and voices! Strange, how not one of them resemble another. All are so very different! Yet we are, so oblivious of that fact, and move around like machines, trying to avoid eachother with a straight face! Nowadays, I dont get irritated, it leaves me in awe, at how amazing we have all been created!

I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Getting along!

2010-01-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

Have you wondered why we get along SO well with few people? Though they are a world different in their character and ideas from us, there are few with whom, we feel easily comfortable. I've got friends, who compliment my character. Their simple hi would pep me up, when I am down. Or when I am so hyper, up in the sky, they bring me down instantly, and ensure I don’t break my bones.

We need not explain much to them. They just understand. They know what to say when. They could be your roommates, teammates, your manager, your siblings, your parent , spouse or other family member or a schoolmate, collegemate, a colleague or just a friend in chat!

But many a times, we don’t get such person around. Mostly. People turn us off. Irritate,discourage you, push and hurt you so badly. Always misunderstand, and disagree! We either avoid such person, or bite our teeth and play along for the sake of it. But the challenge I guess, is in understanding that complex character, and getting along with that person.

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
1 John 3:11 This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another

99 years!

2010-01-14T01:01:00.000-08:00

Last week, my bro and I standing on mom's tombstone, listened to the caretaker saying that road that led there, was on lease only for 99 years. Up propped the question on our heads, 'what after that?' He seemed to have read our thoughts. He said, 'You aren't going to be here, neither am I. None of us here! '

Isn't strange, that all that we have, all that we are, all that we work for,isn't going to be here '99 years'. My lyricist bro, started singing out a song. My bank balances, my house, my car, my education, all my dresses, my shoes, my family, my friends... huh ho.. Nothing is gonna be here for 99 years! I wont be here, neither will you.

I Corin 7:29-31
What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short.... From now on those who mourn, should live as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away

Why not?

2010-01-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

'Why' me? 'Why' now? 'Why' cant they understand? ' Why' should I? 'Why' cant I? WHY is something that blows our mind quite often.

I heard somewhere, that whenever you feel the urge to ask Why, ask yourself Why-not?

Why-not is way too difficult. To ask ' Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? ICorin 6:7 as in the Bible, is to fight your own self head on.

Be it money as small as 5 Bucks or 5 lakhs, or be it in any relationship - a friend, a spouse, a parent, the feeling of being wronged, cheated, used up, taken for granted, just lets the steam rise, anger overflows, hatred boils up, mouth goes foul and bitterness spreads.

The only answer to this, is to be wrapped up in Christ's love. The way he let himself get beaten up, wronged and hung on the cross. I'll go take a dip.

Dew aint enough..

2010-01-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Mom loved the bright colorful flowers, and our garden always used to burst with red, yellow, blue, orange flowers. She loved each plant, that she used to even talk to them. Bunch of yellow flowers in our garden caught my attention last Sunday. It brought a smile to my face, and a big frown as I then noticed a wilting plant next to it. I turned around to see, the entire garden lifeless, and wilting. ( Guess the yellow was just to get my attention)

Wasn't the past entire month cold in Chennai? There was dew on the plants every morning, and I had thought it would be sufficient, which apparantly wasn't.

I realise, what I read hurriedly from the Bible, a quick prayer everymorning aint enough either, just like the dew which dint reach the roots.

I am gonna ensure the garden gets watered everyday.

IF...

2009-12-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

Watched 10,000 BC on TV today. Weird they put it on Christmas day. But found something similar. A prophesy being fulfilled in the hero of the story, who saves many tribes.

Now, back to the hero of Christmas, what IF we did not have Christ? No hope of eternal life, no joy, no love, no saviour. God would have been a distant mighty force or energy, angry and so very remote.

But with the birth of Jesus, things changed. For he has given us the authority to call GOD, the Almighty God 'the FATHER', to understand His fatherly love for us. In Jesus, we have the priviledge to relate to Him, in our pain, sorrow, loneliness, failure and betrayal. Through his Spirit, he just dwells with us!

What a wonderful gift! The FREE gift, which gives us the freedom to live abundantly! Yipppee!

The woman of my life

2009-12-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote this in 2006, for the Women's day Contest in my prior office. It won a Rs 200, gift voucher and 2 tickets to any movie, I wanted to. (I never redeemed it. :( )

She is my love
We share same flesh and blood
She is my strength
My power unleashed
I am proud she is mine

She can feel my pain
My joy, anger and strength
She can speak my thoughts
My secrets, likes and dislikes
I am proud she is mine

She understands my feelings
My frustration, excitement
She knows my dreams
My wants and passion
I am proud she is mine

Beautiful is her hair
I shall always admire
Sweet is her smile
I'll try to imitate
Yup! she’s my mom

I’ve seen her work tirelessly
From sunrise to sunset
Without resentment or bitterness

I’ve seen her fight back her tears
Shoulder responsibility
Care for neighbors

I’ve seen her inner strength
To fight terminal disease
To undergo pain and hardship

I’ve seen her love unconditionally
To love others more than herself
To sacrifice and to forgive

I’ve seen her give relentlessly
Hope, joy and strength
Freedom and love.

Now, I see that she has built in me
A good handwriting,
A good character!

I am proud I am hers!

Mom loved every word of it, and pestered Dad so much, to get it framed! She took pride in showing it off to every single person, who visited home, to such an extent, that I felt awkward the moment she turned her attention to the framed pic. But now am glad, really glad, that I wrote what I felt then.

Thank you!

2009-12-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

I know, we are well past the Thanksgiving, so I was as intrigued as you, when a friend of mine posed this question after work today. 'When do you say thanks?' . We replied, that it was when we are happy, or when we have got something/some favor.

He then asked us, when did Jesus say thanks. When did Jesus say thanks? Did he say it? Yes, he did. He thanked for every food, for 5 loaves- 2 fishes, he thanked when Lazurus was in the tomb.

Strange isn't it? He has thanked BEFORE the big events. Not after. We do after. What made him say thanks well before? He knew for sure, what was going to happen.

How much faith do we have on what's gonna happen in 2010? Do we have the same assurance and faith to say thanks well beforehand?

1Thess 5:18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God

I thought I loved Ratatouille!

2009-11-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

It was monday morning and our maid/cook had not turned up. I hurriedly cooked breakfast for dad and bro. Idly, chutney. I brushed my teeth and got back into kitchen only to find, 1 idly missing. There were scratch marks on almost all the idlies. The missing one, was on the floor. I was stunned. I got so mad. I looked around nothing.

I remembered Ratatouille, and it dint make me feel a wee bit better. I trashed all of the Idlies and started all over. I was running late. My anger was rising. I couldn't grasp the fact, that I am redoing stuff, and I probably would be late for office, due to one dumb rat! And to know, he would have that much courage to get his mouth into the food, I had just prepared! What does he think of himself? How could he? In my kitchen! Yuck!!

I was still mad, as I briefed about it to dad, and bro. They were shocked too. In my hurry, I dropped 1 idly on the floor.. and it went flat, just like the first one. There were other marks too, due to the plate on the dough that had risen, and made rough marks. Could it be? Huh.. I have no idea.. Dad dint comment, but he only said, there are no rodents around in kitchen.

Strange, how something can shoot up my anger in an instant. Funny, how I can fall for something so silly!

Monster within me...

2009-11-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

No, I am not talking about Meulah here. 'Monsters within me' was a program on Discovery Channel, which I saw the other day. It was about a guy whose brain was half dead due to a germ. Numerous scans, tests, medicines lead to nothing. Doctors struggle to find the cause, and the cure.

Finaly they get to realise that the germ had entered him, due to a food poison. They track the food to a restaurant, where the guy and his friends ( 9 students in all) had had a sumptuous dinner, the last night of their study trip. Ask me, what they ordered. You'll be surprised. It was through salad, that they contacted this deadly germ. ( Rat lungworm)

Salad, that we consider as the natural, healthy food! Well, I couldn't bring myself to watch the rest of the program. The disease that has no cure. Yickes.From a seemingly harmless 'salad'!

'There, but for the grace of God, go I'

Just once more...

2009-10-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

The last line of Mom's epitaph reads "Jesus died and rose again, So will we!" If I don't believe this, I have no hope. If I don't believe in eternal life after death, I need not read Bible. She's not 'gone'. But she's next door*; She has left to her home, just like, how I leave office, to reach home.

Yet, I have this overwhelming wave over me every now and then,

I miss Mom's tasty dishes,
I wish I remember all her recipes.

I miss Mom's kisses everyday;
I wish I can hug her one more time.

I miss Mom's smell/voice at home;
I wish I can wipe my face in her saree.

I miss Mom's scoldings;
I wish I understood her better.

I miss Mom's pretty smile;
I wish I can see her laugh and giggle.

I miss Mom's stories;
I wish I learnt all the songs she sang.

I miss holding Mom's hand.
I wish I can lie on her lap, just one more time.

I miss Mom's goodnight;
I wish I wake up to see her next to me.

As I long and struggle forward, I re read what a friend wrote to me.
“You can shed tears that she is gone;
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back;
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her;
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday;
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone;
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back;
Or you can do what she'd want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

I can long and struggle trudging forward;
Or I can enjoy trusting, and practising what I believe in.

It's not the emotional self control, that will take me through. But the strength that He gives me in hugging me every single day to see me through.

Psalms 84 : 7, 5
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
*Next door. If she's in the next room, I can't see her, but she's there, ain't it?

Note to a friend

2009-10-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

Rummaging through my room, found this old note, a copy that I had actualy written to a co-worker on her bday card. ( dated back in 2003)

Dear Valarmathi,
In all you do put God first, He will direct you and crown your efforts with success. Proverbs 3: 6.

Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. I Peter 5:7.

For He understands us and knows what is best for us at all times. Ephesians 1:8b.

That is why we can say without any doubt or fear, 'The Lord is my helper and I am not afraid of ANYTHING that mere man can do to me. Hebrews 13:6.

God bless you on this new year!

With love and prayers,
beul

Counting...

2009-10-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

3 fishes in our fish tank ( aquarium) died one after the other on 3 consecutive days - just the week after mom left us. She often used to complain, that none of us fed the fishes as regularly as her. We did try. The next morning, I rushed to our fish tank and counted the number of fishes. Thank God nothing was floating. It became a habit from that day onward.

Last week, two, 2 year old gold fishes died for no reason. Mom's favorite fairy tailed fishes. May be they missed mom badly as us. I have decided not to count them every morning. What am I trying to do? Count and keep them alive?

How long do you think, you and I can live on this earth? Max 100 years? I can see you laughing. Ok, max 50 or 40 years? Well, how best can I leave this earth? Enoch, and Elijah of the Bible are the only ones I knew who were taken away to heaven 'jst like that'. Other than that, what are the other ways of reaching the other side? Quick as in an accident? Or slow as in a sickness? Sounds bleak. But that’s the reality. It’s no use thinking about that, but to enjoy each and every day of what we got and make it worthwhile.

Psalms 90:12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom

Difference?

2009-10-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

"Come soon. We are waiting". "Are you coming?" Is there a difference between the two sentences? Yes, the tone, and the situation in which it is told does matter too. In the internet world, how about this. " hi" and "Hi! :) " See the difference? I've realised, that of all the things, one's mood is contagious. Meaning, I can spread boredom or energy. Irritation or excitement. Indifference or belonging. Poison or be a medicine in any relationship. Mom used to say about my face being a Coffee pot or a Tea pot.

In 2002, I had been to Gangaram, a popular book store in Bangalore with my friend. I don't remember what we picked, but all I remember is as I stood near the cash counter, the cashier, a 40-50 year old, looked at me and said, 'You have a beautiful smile'. You bet I was smiling the rest of the day and beaming the entire week! Even now, when I remember that incident, I can't help smiling, what a complete stranger can do to lift up my spirits even after all these years!

Acts 14:2 Poisoning of minds
Colossians 4: 6aLet your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt
1 Thess 4:11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.

Comparison.. <>!

2009-10-07T09:12:00.001-07:00

I have 2 naughty brats as nephew. However hard I try not to, I endup comparing their behaviour either good or bad. I have 3 brothers, and not even once have I heard my mom compare them. I haven't seen her compare anything/anyone for that matter. Be it in cleaniness, behaviour, studies, friends, relatives, our house, neighbours, our pets, our vehicle, our way of living, anything.

In this world where everything is relative, Logical, physical or emotional, its a wonder how she had no 'greater than', 'lesser than', 'shorter than', 'better than' or any superlative. I think it shows the strength of character. To see above the obvious and to treat everything/everyone unique, and with respect and accept them as they are.

When would I learn that?!

2 Corinthians 2 : 12a " When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. "
17 "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord"

A Curse.

2009-10-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

At church today, I saw a 3 year old kid, falling on him mom, hugging and kissing her left, right and center. It was so beautiful. But I wonder, after 20 years, will he sit by her, will he atleast hold her hands? Weird..

Oct 1st was Elder's day, and our church message revolved around that. HONOUR them, LEARN from them, and KEEP them happy. I learnt that it was a curse, not to have an elderly person at home! ( 1 Samuel 2: 31 ) Weird!

I guess parents are the only ones on earth we take for most granted. Their unconditional love. But it includes our aunts, uncles, in-laws as well. Weird.

I know many good friends, who stay far from home. They cook so well now, that they can entertain their friends with a feast! But have they ever entered kitchen, and helped their mamma? I also have friends, who have quit their job, to take care of their parents.

Elders sure turn into babies. They cant walk much, talk much, eat much,see or hear much. They cannot be still, neither can they understand us nor our world.Weird.

May God open our eyes, to see the value of our elders in our life. Lets HONOR them. Lets cherish them.

Exodus 20:12 'Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you '

Wise words

2009-10-02T10:39:00.001-07:00

'No matter how much you earn, you can eat only 2 idlies. You can't eat 10 idlies, if you earn 10,000 a day. Can you? '

'All I ask of God is to help me live a pure ( holy) life. For others, I pray for their salvation. I don't ask God, for my needs. I just fix my eyes on Him. He is my Heavenly Father. He knows. He provides'

'I love giving God, by spending less for myself. I reduce my needs and wants, and I give that saving to God, which gives me immense pleasure, than the regular 20% tithe, I give to the Lord.'

Wise? Oh yes, these words were from the doctor, who took care of mom past few months.

Death.

2009-10-02T05:30:00.000-07:00

I know it is such a gloomy title, but I want all of us to just shake it off, for afterall it is inevitable.

I remember even as a kid, when dad is confronted about his daily medicines, irregular eating habits, frequent travel, he always says 'Vaazhlvadhu sila vaara kaalam'- meaning 'few more weeks to live'. He talks as a matter of fact, and the phrase has been a household phrase which stuck for years now.

May be that had prepared us enough last week, so as to know, that death is gonna take us nextdoor, to a heavenly place, full of joy, running around, dancing, and lot of singing. Just without any pain, food, hardship. A more permanent place, than the present which is so temporary.

If that’s the case, am I ready? Ready to leave behind my friends, family. Have I told how much I love them, how much I appreciate their being in my life. Have I asked for forgiveness for my Meulah words/activities, have I reconciled with everyone. Have I obeyed my parents, elders? Have I taken care, cherished my family and friends? Have I used all my talents? Have I forgiven, Am I holding grudge or hurting anyone?

I am ready. Are you?

Standing Ovation

2009-09-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

The hands that taught me to hold a glass/a pen, couldn't hold anything. The legs that walked me to School, couldn't even stand. The eyes that had a sparkle to it, was tear filled and half open. The mouth which taught me to talk, couldn't utter a word. The hands that had fed me, couldn't eat. It looked like my mom was in a total mess past week, but the courage she had showed for the past 11 years in fighting a terminal disease was above awesome.

She always had a smile for everyone. A hug and a kiss just when it is needed! She went one step ahead to help everyone, which is weird. She always appreciated little things in life, the flowers, the grass, the birds. She was so humble and behaved alike to everyone. She could never hold a grudge. She always forgave quickly and forgot the past. She motivated and encouraged with her powerful words, in season and out. She never got tired telling anyone what God had done for her, again and again and again and again. She found joy in everything around her. She had no enemies. She lived THE life, rather than setting rules for us to live. Her care and love for others was unconditional. She never expected anything back.

She was a miracle who taught me positive living, Christ centered in everyway. She lived as per her name. 'Amirtha' means goodness that keeps springing without getting dry. Yes, her love for her family, her friends, her collegues, her students, her neighbours, shopkeepers, maids, everyone who had seen her, had a story to tell. There were about 2000+ floating crowd to see her finaly. It was hard to see her still and stone cold, but I wonder, how big and huge the grand finale was when she entered Heaven. The bride meets the groom. I bet she got a standing ovation for putting on the good fight, and a steadfast faith.

"You welcomed her with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on her head.
She asked you for life, and you gave it to her— length of days, for ever and ever."
Psalms 21:3-4
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith"
2 Timothy 4:7

Gratitude!

2009-09-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

If you had read my prev blogs, you would know, that to cheer myself up, I often look at the skies, the shapely clouds, moon, bright flowers, swaying trees and even ripe tomatoes! They make me realise how wonderful the Creator is mindful of small things.

I realised last week, that if I have eyes, which don't need a specs/contact lens, or ears that dont need a hearing aid, nose which don't need oxygen mask or any help of inhalers, a mouth with no false teeth or an ulcer, a hand that has no shooting pain, a leg that needs no crutches or a swollen knee, a heart with no hole, or when I have no headache or when I am not taking any injections, when I am not taking ANY tablets, or when I have never stepped into a hospital for a month or so ( for me or my loved ones) I can be SUPER EXCITED! Instantly! :)

Breath of life

2009-09-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

In our culture, the child sleeps with the mother till he/she is old enough for a separate room. I being the youngest, and being the only girl in the family and born when my mom was 40 years old, slept beside her till now.

I remember as a kid sleeping with my hand on her, I used to try match my breathing with hers. Hold my breath to exhale and inhale to go with the same rhythm.
Mom had breathing trouble and last week, as I was sitting by her bedside, watching her breathe through the oxygen mask, I tried to match mine with hers. It was erratic and I couldn't even last for few seconds.

Made me realise, how easily we take for granted the way we breathe? A nose with 2 holes, and the air, which we can't even see. But that's the only key to the life that holds us togethar, and how grateful we should always be.

I did have the priviledge to see my mom's breathing gradualy slow down, and as she breathed her last, well fought yet a peaceful one leaving the world for the Heavenly appointment.

Troublesome 3

2009-08-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

What do I/we think about, on any given moment? Either about what happened, or what is going to happen. Past and future. I live my present, thinking on the past and planning for the future.

But there is a trap involved. REGRET of the past- results in guilt, discouragement and FEAR of the future- results in anxiety and depressing mood. The resuly is WORRY of the present! Troublesome three, aren't they? From small issues to big.

But the fun part is I don't have any control over both the past and the future! :P And the present goes for a toss!

The cure? Well, thanking and praising God for whatever ( good or bad ) I think of the past and thanking and praising for all His promises for my future, makes me live an abundant life everyday! For the focus shifts from me to Him.

Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past"
Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
John 10:10B '..I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. '

Unless you become like...

2009-08-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

I walked into our living room after a good afternoon nap. My eyes popped out. The room was in absolute mess! The newspaper was strewn all over the room. Books, wires, balls, toys, the chairs toppled over and in the opposite corners. It looked like a whirlwind had swept right across the room.
I turned around to see a bundle of dynamite running toward me. Yep, it is our 15mth old superman, Adam. Everything reachable to his height, and more were in danger. He can climb chairs, and pull mixee, laptop, telephone, books, bottles. Anything accessible. I stopped rearranging things after 2 minutes, realising it was a futile effort. I fell into our couch completely drained after running around for 10 minutes with him. He looked at me with a look that could be intepreted 'You got tired?? ' Huh! where does he get that much energy?

There's my other 'terror' nephew, Kevin, a 4 year old, and hyperactive kid. He's tall for his age, and so lean, that when jumps into your lap, his bones poke you real hard. His prayers are admirable. He starts 'Thank you Jesus, we went for shopping today. Dad got me a toy car, we all had chicken,..' and goes on to say the entire day events, and ends with 'God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, and so on'. I can't resist opening my eyes when he prays. He's so expressive and beautiful with all the minute details.

Am planning to keep this blog open, to write all they do ;)

My brother's family had gone on an vacation to a hill station. They had hired Toyota INNOVA, and were going up the winding roads, when suddenly Kevin perked up, asked aloud, " So is this Noah thatha's car? " ( Thatha- Grand dad) It took couple of minutes for my bro to understand, what he meant. When they had talked abt Innova, he had imagined it was Noah from the Bible, and that this was his car! The way kids relate everything! Guess I've got lot of things to learn!

Another time, my brother had gone for shopping with Kevin. Kevin eyed a toy and was pestering my bro to buy it. My bro had said, ' I don't have enough money for this' and whisked him away. Later that night, during family prayer, Kevin's prayers went this way. He thanked Jesus, and told the entire day events and ended with, Jesus, give dad enough money. Amen. Next morning, at office my bro was amazed to see an email sitting on his inbox talking about Bonus for him! Two weeks earlier, the entire company, had received a circular saying that due to economic depression, there will be no promotions, bonus, overtimes for the next one year. God loves kids?

This is funnier! My bro's family were travelling to India the next day. The kids were so excited and that night during family prayer with all the energy Kevin goes 'Thank you Jesus,......' We are all going to Chennai. Are you coming too?" Here he had paused briefly, as in a telephonic conversation, and then said 'Okay. God bless Mommy.... Amen' I don't know if he heard back, or what was in his mind, coz no one had taught him to pray that way ( except for my bro telling him, prayer is to talk what he wud to his dad)

Best Fit!

2009-08-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

For all those Engineering graduates, this must ring a bell. First year of College, we have a class on 'Carpentry' which includes Metal filing as well. Remember the joints? The dove tail joint, Tee joint, Mortise tenon joint? Well if you chip away a 1-2 mm wood off the measurement, you'll have to do away with it, and start all over. Same with filing a metal.

I never understood why we had to hammer a wooden block or file a metal to perfection as an Engineer, but it was the only breather class and we did have fun inspite the bruises, cuts, bleeding we acquired during that hour.

Well after all these years, I understood the meaning, over a cup of coffee with a good friend this morning. She was chatting about finding the life partner, and this is what she said, 'its not what you want, or what the other person wants, but what God wants." Till then you will be chipped off, filed to make the perfect best fit.

Isn't it strange, that Jesus chose carpentry as his profession?!!

".. Isn't this the carpenter?.. " Mark 6:3

Heal the wound

2009-08-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Only recently I’ve started growing finger nails. I have long fingers, so I think it looks good. But the problem starts when I scratch, scractttch any small blisters in my skin and make it worse. So to prevent myself from harming my skin, I do either of the following. One. I pretend, and make a conscious effort not to think about it. Two. I apply some medicine on the blistered skin to heal.

But at times, both things don’t work out, and I end up scratching and peeling the skin off. I guess, that’s what most of us do, to make a bad situation worse. We either THINK or TALK about the situation, which is like putting a tooth pick on a wound and digging it, so the wound/hurt is fresh in our minds.

Still wanna dig? or let it heal?

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:8

Pretty lips!

2009-08-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Me and my bro have always fought on who resembles mom, dad the most. Bro has mom's coarse thick hair. I have dad's silky and mom's long hair. We all have huge long dad's fingers and toes. I have mom's scanty eyebrows. Bro has dad's voice, and I have mom's. I love bittergourd like dad. Bro has belly like dad. I have dad's eyes. I can go on.. You may be surprised, but we have even measured the length/height/width of our noses, ears and lips and the fight just intensifies!

Last week, I got mad at my bro. Mom has beautiful lips and a very cute smile.And none of us inherited it! We all got Dad's big lips, but here he ( bro) was, biting more than half his lips ( I should say 70%) and then making a statement claiming that he has mom's pretty lips! We had a pretty good fight!

All said and done, but it makes me wonder now, how much of mom, dad's character we have inherited? Their sweetness, strength, patience, love, or atleast their orderliness??
Now, here comes the bigger question, how much of character I own from my big dad??

"..the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control" Galatians 5:22-23

Vanity!

2009-07-27T11:44:00.001-07:00

I almost lost all my blogs on Yahoo 360’ last week. I had not checked my yahoo mails, and hence the notification, that it was getting closed down. I had not taken the back up.

Yahoo 360’ contained my earlier blogs, before the blogspot. It was meant for my eyes only. Not that, it had private details, but just that I had not trusted the webworld with my personal life details then. It contained musings of my tete-a-tete with strangers I met on the way/friends/colleagues. Since I have a memory which I never trust and a history of losing diaries/stuffs, I had believed that something on the web will be ‘forever’ and never lost.

That got shattered that day. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can be ‘forever’. (PS: I did get hold of all my blog script. Thank God!)

I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.Ecclesiastes 1:14

Vision

2009-07-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

'Wow, how beautiful our flooring is!' exclaimed my mom yesterday. I looked at her strangely. We have been in the same house for 9 years now. What’s so special now? She continued with similar statements on everything she eyed on,- curtains/dresses/bro’s painting/book covers. It was weird.

She had had her eye ( cataract) surgery last week and ever since her eyes had healed, she has been ending all her sentences with exclamations. She is so very excited at everything around her and closes her right and left eye alternatively, to see the magnitude of difference the operated eye can make. It had made me and my bro, consider having our eyes checked!

It is kinda strange. It is the same eye. Same things. But what a difference the removal of cataract had made. Ought to have my eyes checked. In the way I see people/things and situation!

II Kings 6:17 And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Psalms 119:18 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law

Forgive and forget.

2009-06-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

If you had known me personally ( or professionally) you would have known, how good my memory serves. I forget names, dates, places, faces, numbers so quickly that I don't even care anymore to ask for it, coz I know I wont remember. It is real bad, when I forget close friends names or their birthdays. It has gotten so worse, that the other day I stopped mid sentence, while talking to Finance HR. My mind went blank and I stared at him. Why am I here, and what was it that I was talking about??

I have had lot of embarassing moments. so you can very well understand my hatred for my memory. But lately, I have been happy about it. Well, the reason is, as I can't remember, I don't remember any bad things. That includes, any past hurt, anger, fights, or any heartbreaks. So I have no enemies. :P

But there is a small catch to it, and I guess, that's why I cannot remember a single bad thing in my life. My 11th std teacher insisted that 'forgiveness' always comes before forgetting. The phrase 'Forgive and forget' comes in the same order, and never viceversa. That got rooted I guess, so the sooner I forgive, bounce and move away from it, all that remains is good old memories! :)

But here's the best lesson I learnt from a friend, who told the difference between 'forget' and ' remember no more'. The former happens by mistake, and the latter is deliberate effort not to remember.

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" Hebrews 8:12

"Burnt chicken"

2009-06-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

That was a comment made by my close friend/collegue. We were in a really bad situation. Things were going awry, from bad to worse, and we had no say. Everything was happening quickly and in the wrong direction. The team was becoming the scapegoat.

I told my friend, that we were facing the heat, but we will come out as gold refined in fire. He replied, 'Beulah, do you know what happens to chicken if it is put in too much of heat?'. We laughed. This was 2 years back. I wouldn't say it was a happy ending, but definitely we dint get burnt.

Its the toughest, when you are on fire, when there is no possible wayout, and nothing solid to hold on to. But the only comfort is that, the one who is holding you in fire, is watching over you intently, without slumber. Afterall, it is his apple of the eye, who is on fire!

Deserving Nothing...

2009-06-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

This is controversial. I still have not come to terms with it completely.

In life, it is normal to raise our voice to ask or question, make a plan, fight for our rights, strive for what we believe in. For what we deserve. Be it our right,a job, education, house, a car, or a cell phone, or a proper attire! At work, it is my seniority, my experience, my role. At home, it is just being me, deserves all I have.I deserve to be loved, understood, to be respected, to be accepted.... The list is endless.

But did/do I deserve a loving family, good brothers, a happy childhood, a good education, a good neighbourhood, a not so problematic state, country, good friends, good health (good eyesight, a functioning heart, walking legs.....) , a good job, a roof over my head and all that I have ? Do I deserve all I have, and more?

My answer to the above question, is I realise a blunt NO, as I see our maid walk in, she is my age too. And so here's the ghastly truth. I deserve nothing. Absolutely nothing. It is only by the pure grace of God, I am what I am.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. ....—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10

Feelings

2009-06-11T09:18:00.001-07:00

I learnt this lesson when I was 13. It was a girls camp, with the sunsetting on the beach, we huddled togethar, listening to Uncle Herbert as he taught us an important aspect of life.

'Don't trust your feelings', he said. Never, ever! 'Especialy for girls', he added. I am feeling sick, I am feeling tired, I am feeling sleepy. Remove 'feel' from the previous sentence. It makes proper sense.

Makes a lot of sense, coz feelings are not true. They play us around. They fool us into believing that, it is true. Its easy to be all tangled up, tied and cornered by our own feelings. Feelings of anger, hatred, jealousy, pain, just lock us up in a box, blocking us from going ahead, growing high and above.

At times, it is important to move ahead, inspite of all odd situations, inspite of what people say, and even what we feel. Faith sees beyond the obvious. Feelings mislead.

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7
Guard your heart. Prov 4.3.

Thrill

2009-06-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

I love my bike and as I sit on it, and let the engine reverbate, I feel the power, the energy of something wild and strong under me, under my power, waiting to be unleashed. The smoothness of it, as it glides with vrooom, vrooooom all under the twist of my palm, as it accelarates, the thumping is glorious.

Thrill kills. It is a thin line.The wind blowing on your face. The hair fluttering in the wind. The buzzing of the wind on your ear. The tears dripping of your eyes coz of the speed. It gets the better of you and you zwing, zwang, and get past vehicles in a zap, and it becomes a joy ride in jiffy.

I now understand, what Eve must have felt in the garden. The thrill of it. Harmless for sure, but at what cost?

Taking the backseat...

2009-04-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

Zzzzz.. That's how my friend slept, on that long drive in the back seat. I don't think any of us knew the venue, where we were heading, except Mike and Beth. It was a long journey.

Rolando was sleeping like a baby. He dint care, if Mike was taking the correct route. He wasn't worried if we may get lost. He wasn't anxious that we may run out of fuel. Or worried if Mike would skip a signal, or drive rashly. Nor was he scared he would get kidnapped ( Rolando is a kid at heart! ;) ) He wasn't even afraid of any drunkard on road, hitting our car. He slept soundly.

I learnt a lot about 'TRUST' that day. AND, the difference in being driver's seat, or the seat next to it and at the back seat. Where are you seated now? Where do you like to be?

Mark 4: 37, 38a 37A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.

The Green eyed monster!

2009-03-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have never been envious in my life so far. Not on anyone/anything. I just brush it off. Or so, I thought.

I got bowled over last week. I had such jealousy, that it boiled and made me bitter all over. I was spilling it over on my looks, my words, my thoughts, and so on my actions, and what not! I feel embarassed to accept it, and even to share it, but it has just humbled me and made me realise, I am so easily susceptible to envy/anger/hatred. Its just under my nose!

It all started when I reached home, after 4 months. I had loads of stories to tell, and no one was ready to listen. My favorite name, was used else where. You may find it irritating, but that's the truth. I was mad at my 10mth old nephew, Adam. A Superman, by nature weighing 13.5 kg and so very adorable and cute, that he captures everyone's heart and basks in the limelight.

I still find it hard. It is a biting truth that humbles me to surrender my 'self' every moment on the cross and take a dip in his love or risk Meulah growing into a monster in a jiffy!