Parenting from Neil Anderson

I've read so many books on parenting. But this by far was the most practical and very clear down to earth DOABLE instructions I've ever read.

I was not looking for parenting instruction in the counselling course from ' Seduction of our children' book by neil anderson. But here's the excerpt which I want to imbibe in my family life.

Children always in their mind Continually ask 2 qns

1. Can I get my own way

2. Am I loved.

Your child can't stop you from being the father or mother God wants you to be. Only you can do that. During crisis your child and spouse want you to be the parent God wants you to be more than ever.  Behaviour of child does not determine the identity and self worth of parent. Fruit of the spirit is self control- not child or spouse control. 

God doesn't command you to like your child. He instructs you love your child you can always choose to do the loving this and trust that your feelings will follow in time.

When emotional barrier is erected between parent and child it is almost impossible for parent to resolve the spiritual conflict.

Eli was an effective priest but a defective parent.

Do it in love and start early. 

Is the Holy Spirit controlling your child when he is rebeling? No. So don't let him controlyour home. Primary function of spiritual leader in home is to ensure spirit of God is ruling the household.

Shepherding your flock means assume responsibility for driving off the spiritual wolves. 

Don't violate fruit of spirit when you discipline the child..you are responsible for maintaining self control and confronting the child in love.

Don't wait till you lose control 

Take action before you loose control.

Don't give any warnings.

Act decisively and swiftly in love. 

Don't let a child pull you and your spouse apart.

Character bashing is from the pits. Tearing each other will make problems worse.Be united to survive the crisis.

Don't let rebellious child rule your home. 

Stand your ground and not let the child control you. 

When child leaves home he is leaves with his own values, beliefs, personal agenda.

Children belong to God. 

When we pray we release Him to do what only he cab do in your child's life.

And when we pray he can mold your parenting style so you can do what he has called to do in raising your child.

Don't be hasty. Don't be judgemental. 

Clear loving communication is iperative if you want to foil Satan's attempt to seduce your kid. 

If you don't listen to school problems, he may not bother to tell your evil thoughts. If you criticise when he admits mistake he won't tell you his experience in the dark. 

Faulty communication can delay or block resolution. 

4  communication styles.

1. advice giver. Gives advice.

2. Reassurer. assures.

3. Understander. Sits and asks questions.

4. Self revealer.reflect on how you handled it. Get into the situation with the child and paddle to safety. 

Get into the boat! Be the parent kid wants to talk to. 

Will you purpose in your heart to be the kind of parent your kid can come to and confide in. Someone they can Trust.  Will reciprocate . With empathy. Who understands, cares about me and had wisdom. An accepting person.  Child is looking for a person to share his hurts and fears. 

Communicate love , trust and respect. 

Authority. Accountability.  Affirmation. Acceptance.

Acceptance.  Affirmation.  Authority. Accountability.  God starts expressing his love and acceptance. 

I love you.

When you know you are unconditionally loved and accepted by God. And affirmed in your identity as his child you voluntarily submit to his authority.  And hold yourself accountable  to Him. 

When yoy are accepted and affirmed by those in authority (employer pastor)we gladly be accountable to their authority.

Similarly when your child knows  you love unconditionally and accept regardless of failures he will share his problems with you and respond to the direction you give. 

Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. Loving relationships seldom need rules to regulate their behaviour. 

Children who know that they are.loved are free to be themselves.

Free to grow.

Free to be the person God wants them to be. 

Children don't know whom to trust. And are afraid. Enemy grips people with terrible fear. 

I trust you.

We don't have a choice. We can't follow them.for the rest of their lives. If we want them to grow develop and walk on freedom we must communicate trust in them .

"Take care of Neil. He's my favorite. :

Trust is a driving force. Greatest gift.

Next to the Holy Spirit that trust has been the greatest deterrent to immorality. Years later. Thousands of miles away I dint want to lose their trust.

When you effectively communicate your live trust and respect to your kid he will learn to value these qualities that he will never intentionally do anything to lose them. When he is introduced to Christ he will value His love, trust and respect.

Are you completely trustworthy in God's eyes. No. But he entrusted you with gospel. That gives you something to live upto!

Remember Paul's letter to Corinthians. By expressing belief and confidence in the them he was building a foundation to build them up. Paul's confidence was in the Lord and he knew work of God began in Corinthian church would be completed. 

Damages done to kid.

Why can't you be like her. Am not investing more money on you. You can't do anything right. You'll never amount to anything. You are like all other kids. 

Communicate trust instead and give your child something tolive upto.

See the potential not the problems. 

Jesus trusting Peter. Would you choose Peter. And express confidence? AFTER his betrayal.  In you I WILL build.my church. He is sticking with you too. Entrusted with his message, gifted you to seve abd blessed you with children!!! Are you trustworthy? Not completely. But his trust gives you something to live upto. Doesn't it. Your trust in your child can do the same thing for him!!

I respect you 

They are little adults in the image of God. Talk to them as you would with thr same sense of respect with the adult. 

Be happy and make happy faces. Go to park. Play games.spemd more time with Me.

Security comes from relationships not achievements. 

Relationships are more important than achievements to God. Purpose of word of God is to govern our relationships with God and man. 

If you can't handle conflict with love and self control it's better to be left undone. Your authority does not increase with volume of voice . When you are shouting in conflict you are reacting in flesh.and have lost control of the only person you can control. : yourself.

 

We win if we maintain our walk with God and fulfill our responsibility as parents. 

Remember you may not always be able to control your child but you can always love him. Your relationship with child is more important than anything you achieve. 

What does God care about moon shots. They are deeds to be outdone. Somebody will always come along and do better, faster, higher. What God cares about is little people like amy, clari, lilly

Discipline vs punishment. 

Discipline is for future.

Punishment is for past. 

Discipline is proof of your live.

Discipline vs judgement.

Discipline is to behaviour( not true)

Judgement is related to character.

Discipline is not character assassin. When you attack child character you cannexpect him to be defensive.  (Calling liar)Ephesians 4;29. Let no unwholesome talk proceed from your mouth. God is grieved by it. 

When you attack character kid can't do anything immediately.  He will be defensive. But if confronting his behaviour he can do something immediately. He is not rejected  or wounded in the process..

Rules must be defensive. 1.Obedience. 

When child questions your authority to direct his behaviour. Answer him decisively with action as well as words while remaining in complete control of yourself.

2. Legitimacy of the rule themselves. Are you following it. Is it based biblically.  Does it make sense. 

External Obedience is not enough. Internal conviction is the ultimate goal.

Kids must learn rules are for our good of the children. Not for the parents. Gods rule are protective and not restrictive. You are not trying to keep kid from having fun..nor is God. Your striving to keep the child under God's moral boundaries. 

Rules must be definable. Discuss with kids. Rules without relationship is rebellion. 

Rules must be enforceable. If you don't follow through. You are making them disobey. Consistent with few Rules. 

Setting your kid free. Spiritually.

Jesus wants you to be like him. To know how, you need word of God. To learn to pray and walk by faith in the power of hs.

Physically.

Socially

mentally.

Boundaries. Assume responsibility. And can be trusted. Faithful in few things and I will put you in charge of many . Will increase freedom. By 19 you are on your own. 

Parenting is 18yr process. Husband and wife forever.  At 18, they become God's child. Not dependent on you but God.  His protection is not my responsible but God's. If you discipline well he will make right decision as adult.

Different methods of discipline. 

1. Communication . Ask your kid to repeat the expectation /consequences. Fear of accountability. Well done good and faithful servant. Help kid to speak the truth in love will take lot of live and skill . Honest confession. Harder to look into eyes of love than to look into eyes of vengeance or anger. You can frighten or build in him an inner conviction that will stand in good stead when tempted to do it again

2. Consequences.natural 

3. Consequences. Logical. ( plan negative consequence for child misbehavior)Avoid power struggles.reduce nagging spring correction. 

4. Reinforcement- catching children doing right and regarding their good behaviour.  Good job. I appreciate your helpfulness 

5. Extinction.

Ignore tantrums.

6. Spanking. Don't use hand.

Administer with love. Communicate your life. Be  loving. during.after discipline.love him much more than you dislike his behaviour. 

Greatest gift foe kid is yourself. Loving attention to him and to needs. 

Remember you have to give an account of your stewardship with the lives he has entrusted you with. 

Years of disciplining are numbered.

Steps in protecting children from darkness... 

1. Lead your child to Christ.
2. Put Christ at the center of your home. Like planets revolving around sun. Be God conscious at home. Talk. Testify acknowledge. Demonstrate  model Obedience and growth. Focus life with Christ.
3. Establish consistent family devotions. Dwell. Act out. Summarise.  Is kid experiencing God's love. Is he learning to talk about God. Learning  to read Bible pray. About sin consequences.
4 Teach biblical values. Wwjd. In his relationship. Behaviour. Attitude. Build bible into everyday conversation and life.
5. Celebrate each child's uniqueness. Accepted and celebrated. You are special plate. Affirm and encourage individually spend time appreciating eachbones interest.
6. Maintain an environment of love and forgiveness. Spend time with kid. Teach forgiveness.  Ask forgiveness.
7..make prayer a priority. Pray often with kids. Keep family prayer diary.

Bondage breaker

This book is an eye opener.  I have 2 of his other books. Some lines I have noted down below. If you haven't read yet, please do.

Satan is like a happy little dog.( remember the puppy dog chasing a lil boy up the tractor in the farm ) Deceiving people into fearing him more than God. His power is in the lie.father of lies.

Satan's first and foremost strategy is deception.

Freedom from spiritual conflicts and bondage is not a power encounter; it is a truth encounter. 

Demons are like cockroaches that scurry for sgadows when the light comes on. 

Satan's power is in the lie. When lie is exposed His plans are folded.

Believe! Declare and act upon the truth of God's word. And you will thwart Satan's strategy.

Power of satan- lie

Power of believer the truth.

Pursue truth. Not power.

Lie is the focus of the battle.

Satan is a defeated foe.he has no authority over those who are in Christ. 

Affirming the truth Christ victory and Satan's defeat is the primary step to successfully combat enemy's attempt to intimidate/hassle you.

Understand and appropriate your position and authority in Christ. 

It is your responsibility to exercise authority and resist thebdevil..

Resist. Renounce. Confess. Forgive.

Satan's primary aim is to promote self interest as the chief end of man. Self interest rules the secular world - man is His own God. Satan's creed. 

Deny yourself and ask God to take the throne of your life.

 Pick up the cross of forgiveness and deliverance. Justified and Sanctified. Acknowledge that we belong to God. Children of God. Purchased by his blood.

Your responsibility to crucify the flesh on daily basis by learning to walk according to the spirit and repatterning your old thoughts by allowing your mind to be renewed.

Promise to claim.

Command to obey. Truth to believe.!

Will you lend your car to pastor/serve the church or to a thief to rob a bank. Choice is yours! Use your body to serve God or sin/Satan. Choice is your yours.

Nutrious grain is His word. Dreams are mere straw!

Voice of Prophet must be like consuming fire and shattering hammer.

God is more concerned about purity than growth!

Discernment - to distinguish right from.wrong and promote right and eliminate wrong. Not of mind. Function of Holy Spirit.in union with soul and spirit.

Its the buzzer sound.defense against deception. 

If someone tells 'God tells me to tell you'...he is  functioning as a medium!

More vulnerable to deception than Temptation or accusation as we can't recognize it.  To keep you in dark. Undetected . Gods revelation truth is rge only weapon. Belt of truth .

Repeatedly succumbed to Temptation, accusation or deception can lose control. Lose their freedom and surrender to demonic influences.

Demon enters not as owner or guest but as intruder! If the door is open by serious protracted sin.

Can't grow spiritually  if under spiritua bondage.

Foothold literaly means a place.

Whenever we resist pride we resist Satan.

God's protection is conditional on your willingness to respond to God's provision. 

Grieved by serious persistent sin and quenched by flagrant disobedience.. demons will invade the life of a believer.

If we don't resist devil will not flee.

Faith is a decision not a feeling.

Chick v2.

Dropped my bro and easy zipping home  in my bike, when I noticed some colorful floating. Were they ducks. What was that doing on the road side. I.went past and stopped.looked back to notice they were all chicks. Super excited to see them, i asked if hee was selling and how much. 8 for 100 he said. Nice. Immediately called up suji. Our owner daughter, who was all game. She said we'll get 8.  I was like cant manage all 8. Lets just get 5. One for each kid. 

So got rhem home and told clari to come out and see her early birthday present. This was on 25 Jan Saturday. 2025. The girls couldnt believe their eyes. They squeeled and jumped and danced. Chicks were very small and probably scared. Soon suji's kids also came. The happiness on their faces was unequalled. 

It's been 9 days and the chicks  are loving us too. They love catching the mosquitoes. They poop a lot but Amy has volunteered to clean up the stairs and sweep the house around. We got a small cage to keep the chicks at nighy. We kept them inside the house at night for few days in a box. But the girls got the box in bed. So no more inside. We have very less space inside and the girls agreed. 

Outside of the cage, it's a heaven for the chicks. They now know every corner of the garden. They live scratching the mud and digging in. They play follow the leader when girls run. We swat mosquitoes with a bat when they first came.and now they love to jump catch themselves.they eat Ragi and poop red. 

The girls wake up early to let the chicks out. They put them in garden but mosquitoes are too much that now the girls take them outside to the road for sometime. They are getting very naughty. They love the small space between the school and the house. Guess it's rich in insects.and then they go back to the garden and dig. If we are not around say in 10 mins They come all the way though the parking side screeching as if they were in danger. They climb up our 2 stairs and seem to be checking on us. Once we come out. They all run out again to the garden. 

By God's grace the chicks are safe from the crows, dogs, snakes and rats..except when by mistake they were stepped on. The ones in princi home.died after she gave them a bath. This was on the very first day..

The girls have named the bigger one snowwhite(clari's), flower( lily's), yoyo( amy's). Snow white is white with cute black patches . Flower is orange. Yoyo is yellow. 

Can't believe we got a pet now.  And that too a Chick again.. thanking God.for his love ❤️