Stitching...

I remember a lil dress my mom showed me.  She said, she stitched it, when I was inside her womb. She had been eagerly waiting for a girl child.  The first 3 had been boys, and she wanted a girl badly.   My birth had been  magical. Dad named me before my birth. I was a promise from God, that Indians would follow Christ. Isaiah 62:4.

He even went to the extent of annoucing the birth, when I was just 2 mths inside my mom.  No one knew, mom was pregnant, and it was so embarrasing for mom, for dad announced it to a crowd of hundreds - an annual meeting at his workplace and moreover Mom was 40 then.  She was too old to be pregnant.. I can imagine how it would have been.

But she loved me.. she trusted that it was girl, just like my dad and she made me a pretty embroidered skirt, which I still have and have worn it on my doll :)

Well, I wanted to try one for my baby. My mom would be pleased.  Mom's best friend, she is 80 yrs old, has sent today a parcel of handstictched clothes for my baby. It was such a beautiful surprise. What my mom would have done, she had done.  She even left some paints and threads so that I can try my own. and by am I excited!  This is so interesting!

Left side

For reasons, not good for blood circulation, the  doc told me sleep on my sides.  The books insisted on left side, and I thought it was easy.

My mom always slept on my left, so I have been used to sleeping on my left from childhood, so no big deal i thought. Boy, was I wrong.  The left started aching. my shoulders , my torso, my thighs, the entire left side hurts so bad, that I was determined not to sleep one night!

I read Ezekial this morning, and its not the first time, I read the passage. But today, it was an eye opener.  Ezekial was made to sleep on the left side for 390 days bearing the sins of Israel.  390 days. Can you imagine that? I can't! and another 40 days to the right. and he couldn't turn like me. ( Ezekial 4: 4 onwards).

Guess, I have no reason to complain!

Baby decides!

So the Baby decides it all!  After the doctor's check up, I was more than curious. Anytime is daunting. With a cord around the neck the doctor said, the baby can move anyway, and you don't have a control. Pretty cool aint it. It decides what to do? Turn around, push or pull or tug the cord? Kind of funny.

But yes, as I read the verse ' from my mother's womb, you have been my God' Psalms 22:9, is pretty powerful. and God saying, I knew you from your mother's womb ( to Jeremiah) and ... I have set u apart! Pretty awesome!

The movement is so enjoyable. The slow movement, the hiccups, the wave, the thud thud, the push on one side of the belly. I wish the baby can stay inside some more time. I know, it is hard to walk, sleep or even more around, but still this experience that God has given me is glorious!  Thank you Father!

Mary's experience!

I know 25th Dec does not exactly mark the birth of Christ. It is just another day.. and as dad says, every day is Christmas.  But this season, the stars, the lights, and all the hype of the birth of Christmas got me thinking the other day about Mary.

It sure was a cold winter day, when Jesus was born. And Mary was expecting anytime! Mary had a big belly too! She had to travel a long way (Approx 155 kms!) on a donkey?? I am not sure, how I would have been  . With Joseph more a stranger than a husband. Carrying a baby- no doctors, no electricity, no hotels to stay. And the final climax, they end up in a cattle shed! More donkeys, cows and animals around. The midwife is Mr.Joseph. Its just too hard to imagine, and Mary survived it all with a happy face.. Boy that's brave!

So this December, has been quite different from all the ones, I have seen before in my life. I try to relate myself with Mary, and the events that unfolded. Complete submission, surrender. And my complaints rest still as I stand in awe of the greatest event in human history.  

The Creator of heaven and earth , humbles himself to be born/created inside a puny human, in such a humble setting. Just unbelievable! As I feel my belly move, I can't help but thank God for creating a lil one inside me, and every kick, just reminds me of how humble I have to be!

Pslams 22: 9,10
Yet you brought me out of the womb;
    you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you;
    from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

Any time!

‘Any time’ had so far been a part of a optimistic word.. You can call me ‘anytime’ for help. Sounds very  ensuring, isn’t it?   

But now, after 35 th week, this word is creepy. You can expect the baby ‘ANYTIME’! Well what does that mean? Water, labor, blood, baby? Anytime, anywhere? 

‘The baby is now full grown, and is ready to be born’, the doctor said.  All the waiting, the anticipation has now come to a climax.  The countdown has begun. Its just days to the due date, and yet they say ‘ANYTIME’, making the climax real, intimidating!

But isn’t it exciting? I finaly get to see, what was moving in my belly.. lol. 2 little eyes, 1 lil nose and mouth. 2 little ears, and hands and legs.. well, well, well… aren’t all babies similar.. why am I hyping things off.. My big mouth has once said, that all babies- animals, birds, or even insects look cuter when they are young… I still do agree.. but this hype about my baby.. boy or girl, chubby or thin, eye lashes like sathish or me? Will it be a chatter box like me or silent like sathish?  Well, I have to wait and see..

All of this reminds me of, the other ‘anytime’ I have to be ready for.  If He’s gonna come tonite, am I ready? Am I ready anytime, to receive my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? The countdown has begun....

Squirmy wriggler

  That’s how it feels when my baby wriggles around.  Its like a wave, from one side of my belly, and then twist and the turn.  It is so funny, that it make you laugh at time, and so funny that it stops all of a sudden.  It is so involuntary, that it you are caught unaware. You can be in the middle of a serious meeting. Or eating or sleeping or travelling, and then the whole surfs up!

I still remember, how feeble the tap tap was, few months ago, and now this whole rush of movement, pulling my own skin- flesh, dancing and swimming around. I still can’t make out what part is where, but I can feel the push and pull and even see my belly move up and down.. haha.. isn’t it funny..The belly moving by itself? Up and down, sideways  and the knotty feeling inside as it twist and turns.  Its hard to imagine that my lil one is trying to stretch and wriggle in such a confined space. The belly button popped out and my belly is the size of 2 footballs, and walking at times is like wobbling like a huge hippopotamus. But I know its going to be shortlived, and I am enjoying every moment of it! Wow, Lord you are just amazing...  from a tiny spec to this? and there is much more! Incredible! 

Chapter 3

Me a mother, ha! In your dreams.   Mothers are special. The magic of unconditional love flows automatically from them. I wasn’t sure, I was made of that material.  I asked the nurse thrice, if she was sure, the test was positive. She was surprised at my tone J So it was exciting.  A new life inside me?

The changes soon started happening.  I have never given much thought to my physical body, so it was pretty strange when one by one, I started feeling and noticing the differences.  It made me more feminine I think. It is an experience, which I have never felt before. As months passed, and when people noticed, it becomes increasingly clear, that yes am a mother… and am feeding the baby through me.

I have always felt anger, when people said, motherhood, is what a woman is made for- a woman’s ultimate fulfillment.  What about nuns. What about those who could not beget children?  Well, I don’t think they have anything against them. But what is amazing about motherhood, is that it switches on like a switch, and those hormones, glands, nerves, and organs seem to turn on and act differently. The transformation is automatic and unbelievable!  You get aches and pains, which you never had before, and your belly just grows..Right from skin, everything transforms.  It is weird and strange.  Magic? Miracle?  It is even, more awkward to realize that you have living being inside of you.  Carrying a baby by hand is different, but having it deep inside your skin? Well, I am sorry for creating such a hype over this. But it does feel like alien walking around with a life inside of you- moving, breathing, kicking and living inside.

Our God is so awesome! I stand speechless before our creator!

Chapter 2

Just like all the novels I have read, I thought wedding, would mean addition of a character in your life. Perhaps 1 more family into yours.  Having had a wide range of friends in Chapter 1, Chapter 2 did not seem intimidating.   I was wrong. It was a complete 180 degree turn.  Life seemed so simple earlier. I wondered what I got myself into. It was interesting though. And mighty challenging.  It was like being roasted on the furnace, to be purified in word, thought and deed.

Did you really mean unconditional love at the altar? Can you really love as Jesus did? No grudge, no hurt or hate, but lovingly can you handle everything? I thank God, for my soft natured guy.  We are poles apart. He is North pole and I am south.  I can probably count the similarities between us.  This has made it even more interesting. I had 2 requests to God. One, that he would be so much in love with God, than me.  That was granted. Two. For someone who has never fallen in love, marriage was daunting. So I had prayed, that I would fall in love- head over heels with the guy I marry.  That was granted too. I keep telling him, that he discovered me. My feminity, my inner self, my wants and needs more than I ever knew!  It was scary, but pretty crazy.

Marriage is hardwork. I learnt that.  You have to work hard at it. It is so much easy to do things your way, to think just about you, but a lot of work to think about the other person.  But there is joy and fulfillment along the way. Whenever I think, I have learnt the gist of marriage life, I seem to learn it all over again, from square 1.  I guess life is a ‘Snake and Ladder’ game afterall!

Balllooon

I love balloons! Blowing them, holding them, releasing them, scratching them, pressing them so hard to pop them. I have watched Tom and Jerry blow up like balloons in the air, and have laughed it all out.

But never have I thought that I would be like a balloon.Blown up, blowing up... There are differences though. No sound when you scratch them, and ofcourse you can't pop them up out.  My belly is the size of a football now. No wonder, people stare at it. That's the first thing they look at. Its embarrassing, but I have got used to it now. Am carrying my baby in my belly, what more could I want. I can't imagine, there are 2 lil pairs of eyes, ears, hands and legs, stretching, and boxing inside me.   I wonder what trouble I gave my mom!

So my blooming belly, is yet to grow another football size.. I have to be extra cautious getting up, sitting down, walking, climbing stairs, sleeping, almost everything. No wonder mothers, have a special attachment towards their children. It is imbibed into all your thoughts and movements.. and I am hoping that motherly instinct kicks in soon.

I have only 3 more months to go. That is kinda sad. No more can I flaunt around my ballooony belly.  No more can I feel the baby inside me. I hate separation :(

Peculiar

I remember my friend who shared,that she cried the day before her delivery. I wondered if it was out of fear. But she wasn't. She had so bonded with the unborn baby in her belly, that the thought of being separated after birth was haunting.

That's crazy, I thought. I had thought pregnant woment, are just ready to get it over with. You lose your shape, your lifestyle, you can't eat, all that you want to, you can's sleep in whichever position you want to. You can't travel, climb, run, goof around like you used to. Not to mention the heavy weight you carry around, and people staring at you and your belly all the time , along with the throw ups, kicks, and heart burns, that you just can't seem to get over with.

But now that I have carried my lil alien for 5 months, I sure like carrying him around..[This statement may change? in the coming months?] But as of now, he/she is no trouble! No diapers needed, no crying,  I can carry my baby to any and all important meeting I attend in office. I can go to my office, go shopping,  go anywhere I want to without worrying about carrying the baby externaly. Isn't that cool? 

To imagine, the baby inside my body, is pretty amazing and funny too! Can you imagine 10cm uterus, growing/stretching 40 times more? I read, that it stretches to nearly the size of 2 footballs just before the birth! Oh boy!!  There are other strange stuffs too. Like the linea negra, the tap, tap of the belly, the weight I am putting on each day.

I can't stop thanking God! Its a wonderful feeling... pretty strange... and I know, its going to go away soon.. So till then, Lord, help me to enjoy it :)