Help

Last year- during the early weeks of pregnancy, when my friends asked who is going to help during my delivery.. I just smiled. I had no idea. December and onwards seemed far and 'unknown'.

My aunt offered to help for a month. She came on November 25th. The day we had a prayer meeting, and I reached dad's place. My sister in law came on 22nd Dec. After Amy was born, my mother in law helped for a week. My aunt decided to stay longer, and she stayed even after my sister in law left ( Jan 28th). When my aunt fell sick, and couldn't stay, my mother in law stayed to help.

Just as we had prayed, God provided. At the right time. When everyone left, and we expected an angel to drop in, there was none. But God is sufficient for us. He has provided us with strength, love and courage. And so he suffices and we praise Him for his love.

Once again, as we leap into the unknown, He has proved that He is worthy of trust. Thank you Jesus, you are so awesome! Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord our Maker

Her first painful cry

The moment she was born, Amy coughed and her cry was short and sweet to hear. Her cry for food, cry for attention, cry to sleep are so distinct.

But yesterday was different. She had her second vacination. The first one was on her left hand. The doctor gently put the needle under the tiny skin, it looked scary, but she cried for 5 seconds and then was ok. But not yesterday. The needle was 1 inch long, and before I realised it the doctor stuck it with force on her litte left thigh! And the scream, oh boy that was heart breaking. Her her mouth was wide open with pain, her eyes were teary, and her face was red and she cried.

The doctor gave some medicines for fever and asked to give ice pack to her thigh. We brought her home, and she refused to lay down. She clinged to my shoulders. She wouldn't go to Sathish or dad too. We gave her the medicines and tried to put her to sleep. I had her on my shoulders till 2 AM. She dozed off after that.

As she lay on my shoulders, I realized this was no play doll stuff. I had in my arms, a baby, who will face pain difficulty, and will run to me. And thereby I have on my shoulders a huge responsibility of bringing her up, molding her in Godly character and knowledge of God. She is unique with a personality, likes and dislikes, with lots of talents, energy and desire. Lord, give me the strength to carry on!

The Amy style

The Amy dance

She did this occasionally, that she scared the wits out of me in the middle of the night the very first time. Her eyes are closed or semi-open, her lips are O shaped and her shoulders are flat, and her hands are stiff. The legs are folded and in air and move to one side with a kick, simultaneously, the shoulders move the opposite sides. So her shoulder, hands and leg move the opposite direction. She did this for a couple of times, and was pretty scary first.. But now I enjoy.. I haven't seen her dance for the past two days!

The Amy kick

Amy's legs looked pretty long when they were born. They were so thin, that we joked, it resembled the chicken leg piece. Now her legs have grown and they look normal and cute. When she is laid down, she never puts her leg down. They will be in air kicking. The first week, she tried to keep one leg over the other and tried to turn over..! If you lie next to her, her lil legs will keep kicking u. The 'quick dry sheet' will be kicked and kicked that it will be one side of the bed! Amy can never be covered with blanket. Any thing that touches her leg ought to be kicked. So we cover up her tummy alone with blanket, and let her sleep. Once she is sound asleep, the legs can be covered, but mind you, if she feels the blanket, she would kick it, until the blanket comes off her legs and no where near the vicinity and her sleep goes for a toss! :)

The Amy talk.

My niece Adah, who just turned one on Jan 27th, is a big time talker. To equal Adam's energy and sound, she is quite loud and energetic herself. She loved to enter our room, and explore the table, bed, and everything inside( including the dirty napkin bag). Amy at times, sleeps through the noise, but the screaming and yelling sound, does jolt her up. So what did Amy learn? 'Hey'. It is more like 'yay'. So Amy says, 'Hey', everytime she wants milk. I am sure, she would have learnt more words, had Adah been around now.

The Amy hairstyle

Amy has two swirls on her head. They say, she could be handsful :) So the 2 swirls, make her hair stand straight, giving her a natural spike on her head. She looks so cute. Trust me, we are not able to remove her spikes, unless we put enough hair oil to keep it down! She also has lots of hair in the back of the head. So her little neck is covered with this hair, and had to be dried everytime, we wash her head down! Funk style! Spikey funk style!

The Amy smile.

Amy has a beautiful smile. Earlier, she used to smile only in her sleep, and then she started smiling, after her tummy was full. Slowly she started to smile at faces. She looks at you enquiringly, and there goes the flashy toothless grin. Oh, how I love my baby!

Moments

When Amy clutches yr little finger with all her 5 lil fingers.
When I put her on my shoulder, her right hand embraces my left shoulder and her right hand is either around my neck or clutches the chain i wear around my neck.
When she looks at my eyes and smiles wide.
When her tiny hand rests on my hands.
When her tiny legs stops kicking when I touch her feet.
When she starts sucking my hands in a hurry.
Her tiny squirrel eyes, look enquiringly at you at 2 AM.
When she coos and caass, and starts saying something that you are not aware of!
Her yawning.
Her smiling when bathing.
When she calms down after every feed.
When she smiles so wide after her tummy is full.

I know that these moments are fleeting, and I nor her will remember it later, but I want to cherish and I thank the Lord for each of these little moments, He has gifted me. Thank you Lord!

Girl's instincts!

My mother in law and I were giving bath to Amy, and I took her in my hands to pat her dry, and then I realised, I have treated my doll Princess years ago, the same way.


Pat, pat, pat, talking to her, singing for her, putting powder on her and cuddling her, swaddling her with a cloth... Princess was my life sized baby doll. Amy is now my life sized real baby doll! I am not sure if mother's instinct has kicked in for me now, but I see that every girl has some girlish actions as a kid. Though I was more tom boyish, growing up with the boys, I see that somehow, somewhere there is a connection..


It is amazing to know, that fetus in the mother's womb, if it is a girl develops all the needed approx SEVEN MILLION eggs in week 20! Imagine week 20!! The boy fetus develops his things much later :P So I guess its in the blood...and it is a joy to cherish and carry around a living baby doll :) I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Silky Soft

Amy has began to look straight into our eyes, and smile.  She rotates her eyes and sees the ceiling most of the time though!

I know when she flexes each muscles, and why she does that ( not 100% accurate though! ) She clenches her wrist, when she drinks milks. She grimaces when she is about to pass. Her face turns red, and her little tongue ( like that of a little bird)sticks out, but mind it, there is no sound yet. After few seconds you hear her yelp. Yes, it is not a cry, but a tiny yelp. But looking at her face, you know, she is hungry. She will put her fingers into her mouth and start sucking, she will suck anything that comes in contact with her mouth, and now you know she is really hungry!

Her tiny fingers, toes are so cute! Her skin is so soft and silky, you wish to touch and feel her skin all the time. Yes, she is stinky at times, and make my clothes wet and stinky. I smell of milk, vomit, urine and motion almost all the time.


Though I am home all day, I am the busiest and dirtiest no matter how many times I take bath. I can't be away from her. She needs me all the time.She is dependent on me! I wonder how much I am dependent on God! I bet, he is thinking of me, providing, protecting, nourishing me all the time, all these 31 years. He has been merciful and gracious! Thank you Lord Jesus!

The doll!

My uncle got me a baby doll, when I was a kid. I named her Princess. I don't remember having many dolls, while growing up. I had another teddy bear ( from my aunt), whom I named Bobby and another little doll with long flowing blonde hair( from Dr uncle). I named her Grace.

Princess was baby sized. She had blue eyes, and white hair ( probably after I washed her ?)  She had pretty lips, and I remember carrying her all the time. making her sleep and feeding her.  She had a pacifier, which when taken from her mouth, Princess used to cry. I lost it somehow and hence we removed her battery. She was easy to carry around. She was light in weight, and she slept next to me and had her own pillow. Bobby and Grace also slept next to her.

My sister-in-law the other day, said, that I am treating Amy like a doll. Carrying, pulling or holding Amy like Princess? Well, Princess was well behaved. She never woke up in the middle of the night, she never cried. She was easy to soothe, and so easy to make her sleep. But Amy, is doll sized allright, but she is alive! Oh how nice to see her little fingers clasp my pinky. And to see her legs kicking and dancing in the air! Oh Amy is so funny! Troublesome, but cute :)

After effects

The climax was over. Amy was born. I knew it was going to be different from on, with feeding, sleeping and changing nappies. But I wasn't ready for the after effects.

I came home on the 4th of Jan.  Our room, was nicely made. the mosquito nets were up and my sister-in-law said, I have to be here all month, no going anywhere. My antennas were up. I thought she was joking, till my aunt chiped in, and I got alarmed, when food came into this room. No going to the other room? Ask, what you need they said, and we'll get it to you. Water, towel, book or whatever. Lay down on the bed, all the time! Bed? what's wrong with you people, I almost screamed. Dad had no idea, what this all meant, so did I.

I was given extra food, extra milk, extra care. I felt good, and dint like all the fuzz, a wee bit. 2 days later, the pain started. My whole body started aching. My arms, legs, back, even fingers, and I wondered what on earth happened suddenly. I had an episitomy, and I had been on pills for first 5 days, and the 6th day, it was horrible. I couldn't sit, stand or walk, forget laying down. It was so terrible. I was angry and mad, and I asked my sil, aunt and friends, how come no one told about this pain.  They said, it would be there for a month, which got me really upset. 1 month. I couldn't stand it for 1 day. I called up the hospital, asking if anything can be done. I got the same reply. Once the sutures come off, you will be ok.  It was even worse with constipation. I prayed and wished that the stitches would come off. But it din't look like it.  My lil one also bit me off and that hurt even more.  Sleepless nights, the pain and the ache, just makes you cranky.Also I was told I should lay on my back ONLY. All the 40 weeks, I had slept on my sides, now I have to lie only on my back. Its not easy being a mother!

Its almost a month now, and as I look back, I thank God for sending my aunt and my sister-in-law, who bore with my crankiness and loves me still.  I thank God for the sutures that fell off, one by one though they were all painful.  I thank God for a lovely baby, who bears with my craziness.  I thank God for his love. I can't help wonder how my mom put up with my peeing, pooping and crying.  I thank God for her love.

Kicker

Well, its almost 4 weeks since Amy came into our life and life hasn't been the same since. Its a joy to see her.  Her legs are so long, that she keeps kicking them all the time. I wonder how she remained such a good girl in my belly.  ( I felt no big kicks) But now, whichever is in contact with her feet, she kicks them off. Be it blanket or my tummy. Her movements are so quick, that she can move herself from one place to another, by just kicking her legs.
She can easily keep both her legs at 90 degree.  She can bring them upto 120 degree( near to her tummy) and can keep them there - fully stretched out. She can do gymnastics when she grows up, I guess! Her feet can be folded and tucked away neatly too. She does that often too, that's how she obviously was inside my little belly.
Her face keeps changing. Her looks, are so funny and so enjoyable! She can go from smiling, to groaning, to grumpy, and crying in a matter of seconds! She is adorable.  

Thank you Lord! Everytime, I look at her, I can't help but wonder how beautiful and amazing your handiworks are!

Amy

They placed her on my now deflated belly. She was wriggling extending her legs and hands.  I was numb.It had been quite a night.
The day had started with the new year! Sathish was worried, if I can make it to church. I was game. We walked to church. Good exercise. Meeting friends at church only worried me. 'EDD 1st Jan, and you are here?' Walking back home was tiring. My back started to ache. My sis in law was at her dad's place. My aunt was at her son's place. I din't want to scare them. After all it was a dull ache.. Through it, I slept through after lunch.
Evening was action packed. I started getting the contraction every 5 mins. I called the hospital, they told me to come in.  Lil Adah fell and cut her skin on top of her right eye. We were so pre-occupied with things, that nobody thought I had enought pain to deliver the same day.  I insisted, and we took our hospital bag, and headed there at 10.30 PM ( 1st Jan).
The fetal heart rate and mine were normal, so after check up, enema, they induced me. Boy, it was so bad. I can't explain that. Your stomach tightens, your back aches, and they tell you to push!  The frequency hightens every minute, and I kept screaming, that I can't take it anymore. I started wishing, why I can't let the baby stay in my belly. It was no harm. Infact I felt quite comfortable carrying the baby around. But this pain to get out, was just not right!
 When the contraction subsides, I keep saying the verses, remember Mary during the Christmas night, the pain on the Cross. But oh, when the contraction starts, I can only yell! I kept saying, Lord, it is not the doctors, who take the baby out, but as in Psalms 22:9, you take it out!
The labor ward was even more weird. They told me to get on the bed, and I jump in - crazy with the pain.My jump causes the IV to break and I am wet with the IV fluid dripping on me. The nurses get upset, and by the time doctor comes in , we are all ready for the baby!
The doctor kept saying, I was doing great.. did I? I am not sure.. They told me not to scream or yell and to save my energy. I was ready to  get out of there.. Oh, why can't they leave me and my baby! I could see the doctor holding an injection, she was ready to do an episitomy.  I wished I had a zip, to open my belly to take the baby out.. And after some excruciating pushes, and the nurses pressing my belly so hard, the baby was out.. It's a baby girl, the doc said, and placed her on my now deflated belly.  I was just ready to get out of there.. The baby was thin, pale, and moving her legs and hands.

I am told that, that when the doctor took her out to Sathish, my dad, aunt and brother, she was wide awake, blinked and opened her eyes to see everyone! Oh, thank you Lord for bringing her out :)

We named her Amy- after the missionary Amy Carmichael, and my mother Amirtha.  She has real long fingers,  toes, long hands and legs! :)