Sunday, April 19, 2015

I told you so

I was holding Amy in my arms and she was clutching a small toy in her little hands.

She had just woken up and wanted to be held.  I took the toy from her hand, and it slipped from my fingers.  The moment it dropped,  I gave a 'achacho' and she looking straight at my eyes,  and with her little finger pointed up, said 'sonaen la' in the most authoritative tone!

I was dumbstruck at the way it was delivered and couldn't help laughing as she repeated it over and over!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

What's good about Good Friday!

I've had friends wishing me happy good Friday, and I had to say,  you can wish me happy Easter instead.  Then comes the question,  why is good Friday called good,  when it about the pain and suffering of Jesus and his brutal death?

Jesus died. I am alive. Killed. I am free. My curse is gone.  My anxiety, fear, punishment,  death is gone.  I am made his child.  I am grafted into his family. I now call him dad.

Why did he do it?  He loves me and the entire world.  His final plan to redeem the whole world.  But was he a victim to the Roman soldiers ? The Bible says he laid down his life.  He took the punishment that was due to us. 

He was pierced for our transgressions and the punishment that brought us peace was upon him.

Now every thing has a solution.  Every complex situation.  Every impossible problems.  Because Jesus died and he knows, understands the pain,  the fear, anxiety, death and he conquered it. 

And what's more?  He's alive!  His spirit dwells in us.  The God who made the sun,  the stars,  and makes the earth revolve in its axis in precision,  is in me!  Guiding me,  loving me,  caring me,  teaching me, hugging me every single day.

Oh how much good did that Friday bring to us!

Railway track.

Have you seen the railway track?  Runs in parallel, but never touching?

Ahh, that's what I feel most of the days this past months.  We are in endless calls.  Calls with client, calls with team,  calls with manager.  I can blame the language. But still,  I end up clueless on certain calls.

You explain something,  and someone says another. We talk the same thing,  but just don't seem to get it across! We start all over again,  and end up talking for 30 minutes on the same subject.  And then you wonder why such a simple concept as simple as abc take such a long time to get it.

Each one is built differently.  The way they talk,  understand,  put it forward. The personality, temperament, attitude, behavior. 

Many a times as I talk in this endless conversation,  I  remember the railway track. Ever close,  but never connecting! It is frustrating and you can't help laughing how much you wasted your time,  energy on something so simple!

I wonder what God thinks. His ways and mine!

Food Court

I was passing through food court today morning.  All was calm and quiet. There were considerable amount of people around. But was quite peaceful.

It got me thinking. No one can identify a manager, fresher,  a DM in the food court. We are all the same.  Everyone knew why they were there.  Nobody had to be told to eat,  or pick food,  leave their plates.

I wish work was that way.  No one to monitor, no one to tell. Every one just do their job,  because they knew it was their job!

Oh how I wish!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Enga Amma enga

That's the first thing she asks when she gets up.  And the stress is on the first word.  

I am never there when she gets up. But weekends I get to see at times when I am not in the bed with her.  She goes 'enga Amma enga?'  for about 10,15 times in short succession.  That even before I rush to the bed,  she would be in tears chanting these words.

I wish and hope I search, for Christ like that every morning!

Sunday, March 22, 2015


My friend from school was sharing her conversation with her 8 year old son.

They were talking about Christmas plans to visit their dad in another country.  Mike was worried how they would travel alone. My friend had said, don't worry we have Jesus with us.  To which he replied,  what are you saying,  Jesus is not here in this world . Only the Holy Spirit is here.

Kids.  Truth.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Two trees

It happened last week. I was rushing to take the 7 am bus. (read  running). There's a tree at the signal  and one at the stop.  But that day as I was crossing the road,  I was blank for a couple of   seconds.  The road looked bare.

Where was I?  Why is it so different? Trees.  They were gone. Just like that.  They were not huge trees,  but still big trees that have stood for years. 

I can imagine the number of birds it gave shelter to.  Men,  animals too. Feeling sick I'm stomach as I see the chopped trunk and the fallen leaves. 

Unfair.  As long as we are in this world.  Unfair.

Never the same

I never  like sitting on the floor,  cross legged.  My eldest brother loves it.  Not me.  Lying on the floor was also not my cup.  And so were host of other things  like getting up early or in the middle of the night.

It all changed.  Abruptly.  No notice.  Doc had said all Indian way of life,  squatting, and others were good for normal delivery.  But even then I wasn't into it.

What came after the baby,  is THE change any girl experiences.  It starts with  sleepless nights.  You are awake every 2 hrs.  You multi task.  Feed and clean the poop.  You juggle with  the diaper, hands and legs.  You can choose a dress in a wink of the eye. 

Then comes the gymnastics. You sleep in the very edge of the bed.  You get up carefully not to wake the baby.  You sit on the floor and get up 100 times to get water,  food,  diaper,  change of clothes and Other million things.  You become  a doctor.  Give medicines,  though you yourself can't stand them.  You can with stand the scream of an hungry baby,  angry kid,  hurting kid. Which  otherwise you wouldn't even turn your head.  A slight movement of a baby can wake you up.  As silly as a mosquito bite can keep  you awake for hours and make you into a hunter all night.

Going out is a project.  You plan,  make a list of things to take for even a restaurant,  the baggage you carry can be overwhelming.  Spoons,  water,  flask,  toys,  diaper,  change of clothes and a million thing.  And you are sure to forget some important thing. For someone who likes to stuff everything into a Jean,  so as to not carry a handbag.  Well,  that's life!

It's funny how you see yourself evolve into something so different. I have cut my hair,  prefer a nightie which I used to hate,  can nibble on any leftovers, sleep for 4 hours a day - every day and not even complain. 

I now spend say 6-7 hrs at home awake.  Do I spend quality time.  No.  Am exhausted and don't even do justice to Amy.  I am my old self at office I think,  and I can't actually claim never the same.  But I guess I have changed a lot after Amy and I bet all mothers do.  Priority changes,  choices,  decisions, plans.  Almost every thing  in your life.

Guess God's plan to think less of yourself starts at motherhood.


Just happened to see some of my old pictures in fb. Especially with team. My old teams,  units.  Most have left Infosys,  but the energy,  fun during that time captured in those pictures are priceless.

So looks like I had a life before Amy.  Lol.  Lately it had just been her pictures every where that I almost forgot about the rest.  Now looking at those pictures,  and commenting on them or liking them,  brings back memories.

And another fact too.  That though they were good friends from work,  now if I get to meet,  the conversation is on hru,  family,  work  and the good old days. Nothing goes much further than that. Strange and sad.  Guess I have to be content on my current situation and not expect too much.

less than 60 days

tiz less than 60 days
yet in touch with more than 30 new names,
some brazilians, some indians,
some by calls, some by mails, some by faces,
mix of webex, timezones and lots of calls
Different cities, countries, continents,
stretched and not without escalations..

Lost in rain of Portuguese,
Lost in translation
Back to back calls.
Strange personalities
Different Temperaments

Some (mean) business,
Some shared laughter.
Packed calendars
sleep less nights ( add a kid in terrible twos)
mistakes, delays, plans, deliverables.
Escalations - external & internal( read personal)

Head aches

and no silver lining
not in the NEXT 8 months.
Drowning? yes, I feel so too..
But hey am still afloat, alive, alert, ,awake, enthusiastic!

Interesting, yes. Challenging, yes. Impossible, yes. and Fun?

well, yes - to see bunch of strangers ( just 2 mths back) talking non stop on a call, trying to understand, working togethar across the oceans - connecting the dots and get that day's impossible moving. Folks from 6 countries in 1 call.. what would you call that? Beyond culture, language, experience, gender, region getting to work on one common goal.

My mantra - stuck on my desk along with the scribble of my 2 yr old - 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ', keeps me anchored, infuses energy, and on my toes again...

To my friends : if you hear me lamenting again- point me to this blog, to get me bounce back :)

-Originally written in Infybubble -19 Mar 2015