Thursday, June 4, 2015

Slowing down

My neighbors say that they are scared when I run down the stairs every morning.
I have to walk a good 10 mins to the bus stop. 4-5 mins run otherwise. From the earlier near misses, I was much better, but it was anyway a morning run. AND evening run too.

They said in your career there will be dial down, dial up phase.  In this project, where we are in a phase that feels like golive is a week away (SIT starts on June 15.)  my doctor has told me to slow down.
No running down the stairs.  No running to busbay. No walking fast.  Slow down.

Be still.

Monday, May 11, 2015


JDA Uncle was my God father. Before I ever knew what that meant, I knew he was someone special in our household. He and my dad had been good friends for years. Uncle was a world traveller, a great story teller, that he could go on and on. He was a visionary.

Recovered from TB, and finishing  Bangarpet Bible school, he had taken over VBS from Hamilton. Teaching children the way of the Lord was his passion. He had dreams of a Bible world. A great Bible teacher, who insisted on teaching the Bible and living it, rather than just preaching it.

He made the Bible alive in all its glory. The Bible history - scrolls, earlier printing history, and even the flowers, animals, grains in the Bible brought in so much meaning as you hear him speak. He enjoyed what he taught, and his energy and enthusiasm is catchy. You will be pulled into the world of Bible with power.

He had got my dad, the tape recorder for helping with VBS pictures.  My brothers made good use of it, for their first light and sound programs. They recorded their cooked up stories, make shift music, my brothers songs, my voice and so much more back in the 80s.

Uncle lived such a simple life, the love of his life, his wife Beulah had passed away years ago. I took pride in being called his beul. I wish I had met him after my little girl was born. He wanted to see her. I remember his words. I wish I had called him often. :(

The first thought when I heard that he is no more, is that the warmth he would have felt when he stepped into heaven. The width and length and breadth of heaven in all its beauty and glory would have been such a amazing moment. He would have met his wife, met my mom, and whole lot of people. He would be busy basking in the love and joy and excited.

But the reality that I will never get to see him, or see his email, or hear his voice is heart breaking. I dono why i am in such an emotional mess. But I guess loved him a lot, and wish I had seen him and given him a hug.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

I told you so

I was holding Amy in my arms and she was clutching a small toy in her little hands.

She had just woken up and wanted to be held.  I took the toy from her hand, and it slipped from my fingers.  The moment it dropped,  I gave a 'achacho' and she looking straight at my eyes,  and with her little finger pointed up, said 'sonaen la' in the most authoritative tone!

I was dumbstruck at the way it was delivered and couldn't help laughing as she repeated it over and over!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

What's good about Good Friday!

I've had friends wishing me happy good Friday, and I had to say,  you can wish me happy Easter instead.  Then comes the question,  why is good Friday called good,  when it about the pain and suffering of Jesus and his brutal death?

Jesus died. I am alive. Killed. I am free. My curse is gone.  My anxiety, fear, punishment,  death is gone.  I am made his child.  I am grafted into his family. I now call him dad.

Why did he do it?  He loves me and the entire world.  His final plan to redeem the whole world.  But was he a victim to the Roman soldiers ? The Bible says he laid down his life.  He took the punishment that was due to us. 

He was pierced for our transgressions and the punishment that brought us peace was upon him.

Now every thing has a solution.  Every complex situation.  Every impossible problems.  Because Jesus died and he knows, understands the pain,  the fear, anxiety, death and he conquered it. 

And what's more?  He's alive!  His spirit dwells in us.  The God who made the sun,  the stars,  and makes the earth revolve in its axis in precision,  is in me!  Guiding me,  loving me,  caring me,  teaching me, hugging me every single day.

Oh how much good did that Friday bring to us!

Railway track.

Have you seen the railway track?  Runs in parallel, but never touching?

Ahh, that's what I feel most of the days this past months.  We are in endless calls.  Calls with client, calls with team,  calls with manager.  I can blame the language. But still,  I end up clueless on certain calls.

You explain something,  and someone says another. We talk the same thing,  but just don't seem to get it across! We start all over again,  and end up talking for 30 minutes on the same subject.  And then you wonder why such a simple concept as simple as abc take such a long time to get it.

Each one is built differently.  The way they talk,  understand,  put it forward. The personality, temperament, attitude, behavior. 

Many a times as I talk in this endless conversation,  I  remember the railway track. Ever close,  but never connecting! It is frustrating and you can't help laughing how much you wasted your time,  energy on something so simple!

I wonder what God thinks. His ways and mine!

Food Court

I was passing through food court today morning.  All was calm and quiet. There were considerable amount of people around. But was quite peaceful.

It got me thinking. No one can identify a manager, fresher,  a DM in the food court. We are all the same.  Everyone knew why they were there.  Nobody had to be told to eat,  or pick food,  leave their plates.

I wish work was that way.  No one to monitor, no one to tell. Every one just do their job,  because they knew it was their job!

Oh how I wish!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Enga Amma enga

That's the first thing she asks when she gets up.  And the stress is on the first word.  

I am never there when she gets up. But weekends I get to see at times when I am not in the bed with her.  She goes 'enga Amma enga?'  for about 10,15 times in short succession.  That even before I rush to the bed,  she would be in tears chanting these words.

I wish and hope I search, for Christ like that every morning!

Sunday, March 22, 2015


My friend from school was sharing her conversation with her 8 year old son.

They were talking about Christmas plans to visit their dad in another country.  Mike was worried how they would travel alone. My friend had said, don't worry we have Jesus with us.  To which he replied,  what are you saying,  Jesus is not here in this world . Only the Holy Spirit is here.

Kids.  Truth.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Two trees

It happened last week. I was rushing to take the 7 am bus. (read  running). There's a tree at the signal  and one at the stop.  But that day as I was crossing the road,  I was blank for a couple of   seconds.  The road looked bare.

Where was I?  Why is it so different? Trees.  They were gone. Just like that.  They were not huge trees,  but still big trees that have stood for years. 

I can imagine the number of birds it gave shelter to.  Men,  animals too. Feeling sick I'm stomach as I see the chopped trunk and the fallen leaves. 

Unfair.  As long as we are in this world.  Unfair.

Never the same

I never  like sitting on the floor,  cross legged.  My eldest brother loves it.  Not me.  Lying on the floor was also not my cup.  And so were host of other things  like getting up early or in the middle of the night.

It all changed.  Abruptly.  No notice.  Doc had said all Indian way of life,  squatting, and others were good for normal delivery.  But even then I wasn't into it.

What came after the baby,  is THE change any girl experiences.  It starts with  sleepless nights.  You are awake every 2 hrs.  You multi task.  Feed and clean the poop.  You juggle with  the diaper, hands and legs.  You can choose a dress in a wink of the eye. 

Then comes the gymnastics. You sleep in the very edge of the bed.  You get up carefully not to wake the baby.  You sit on the floor and get up 100 times to get water,  food,  diaper,  change of clothes and Other million things.  You become  a doctor.  Give medicines,  though you yourself can't stand them.  You can with stand the scream of an hungry baby,  angry kid,  hurting kid. Which  otherwise you wouldn't even turn your head.  A slight movement of a baby can wake you up.  As silly as a mosquito bite can keep  you awake for hours and make you into a hunter all night.

Going out is a project.  You plan,  make a list of things to take for even a restaurant,  the baggage you carry can be overwhelming.  Spoons,  water,  flask,  toys,  diaper,  change of clothes and a million thing.  And you are sure to forget some important thing. For someone who likes to stuff everything into a Jean,  so as to not carry a handbag.  Well,  that's life!

It's funny how you see yourself evolve into something so different. I have cut my hair,  prefer a nightie which I used to hate,  can nibble on any leftovers, sleep for 4 hours a day - every day and not even complain. 

I now spend say 6-7 hrs at home awake.  Do I spend quality time.  No.  Am exhausted and don't even do justice to Amy.  I am my old self at office I think,  and I can't actually claim never the same.  But I guess I have changed a lot after Amy and I bet all mothers do.  Priority changes,  choices,  decisions, plans.  Almost every thing  in your life.

Guess God's plan to think less of yourself starts at motherhood.