Friday, September 30, 2011
Before stepping out, she said a quick word of prayer ( which I so insisted to be short! ) and I gave a quick hug and a kiss on her cheeks saying goodbye. This was our ritual. I realised how much I missed that last week. Sathish mom reminded me of her. She is almost the same. Forcing me to eat that 4th idli, and ensuring she prays over me, before I step out to work. I praise and thank God, for the hug and kiss I get from /give my mother (-in law). It is a blessing and I am so grateful to my Lord, for giving her to me.
She is a brave woman, who had studied till she was 52, a teacher, a hard worker raising 6 kids, and a Godly woman who wakes up early and sings loud and ensures we have a family prayer in the morning and ofcourse at night too. I dono if she loves cooking, but she cooks all the time, asking and cooking what each one likes and wants. ( which keeps her in the kitchen all the time) . I have not hear her complain or grunt, which I would do even at the slightest displeasure, if someone doesnt eat what I cook. Her love, hardwork and effort and PATIENCE is something I don't think I can ever match. She can cook any dish - any request /desire made - at ANY time! She is different from my mom, definitely different! I don't think I can, nor can/will even try to be like her!
Oh yes, my mother cannot be replaced! But God has taught me that if you are willing, he gives you mothers. Cathy, Janet and now my mother in law! Oh, how nice to be loved and cherished, and oh yeah, pampered :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
It was the usual busy morning, 7.40 AM I was running to catch my carpool. . The moment I stepped outside, I was pleasantly surprised. There was no sun. There was a cool breeze. It was cloudy, dark skies. I should have worried if it would rain, I had no umbrella, but today I was not. My cell phone beeped. More bad news, my car pool friend on leave. Now I have to take a motorbike, a bus and an auto to reach office! 3 modes of transport, probably 90 mins of travel.
I had all the reasons to be grumpy. ( I was cranky at home, and dint even talk to Sathish this morning) But things changed, in a second. I was happy. I was excited. The wind blowing made me happy and I started thanking God singing, ‘Thank you Lord for such a beautiful day, reminds me of the love you gave to me, I wanna reflect your love to the people that I meet, today!’ Everyone on the road was in a hurry ( afraid it would pour- coz it was really dark lowlying clouds!) But I was smiling, I was relaxed, and going pretty slow, enjoying the ride. I said, I don’t wanna miss this beautiful weather! The wind was ghostly. It pushed all the mud and dirt in the air. I couldn’t open my eyes to clearly to see the road. I had sand in my eyes. But still I was singing. ( It got me wondering, what got into me!)
It started pouring half way through. I was wet. Soaking wet. Our roads need just a 5 mins constant rain to have puddles all over the road. It was muddy water. I had to leave my vehicle, jump the puddles and wade through dirty water to catch the bus. God sent a good bus at the right time. I was happy to get a seat. But only to find the seat was wet too. My hair was so wet, my clothes were wet, and my heart was bubbling.
Now I know no matter what, God can give you the best attitude, to give thanks in all circumstances for that is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. I also know, that my mood affects others. People at home, people at work. If I am happy, it reflects. If I am sad, it shows. If I am angry, it blows. If I am bubbly, it overflows! So its all me now. What I choose to be in Christ!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Ever felt like walking inside a bubble.? The reality doesn't sink in? Looking back, I have felt that many times in my life. But here are the most important that I remember.
Two years back, when mom was sick, I was active, responsible and strong. 3 Characters which I never had. I was doing things which I would never do. After mom's death I was still in a bubble. Unhurt, unsinged, brave.
I felt I was in a bubble again at the altar with Sathish. For a brief moment, I took a step back, and thought what on earth am I doing?' Marrying a stranger, a huge leap of faith. Is this for real? Reality dint strike, with all the hype on makeup, the attire, the camera, the family, friends... But I knew it was in the bubble.
21st Sept should have been etched in my heart. But thanks to my memory I forgot. It was my mom's 2nd death anniversary, and we were at the same hospital, the same day for Sathish. He had terrible stomach pain and was vomitting the whole day. We admitted him for the night. I was not troubled. I realised I was inside the bubble once again.
The bubble is the term am using for the protection I have, like that of the soap advertisement, where you are covered completely, and no amount of dirt can touch you. It is the safe haven amidst the trouble. I am glad, I have been inside one all my 3 decades of life. Safe and sound in the weird wide world. Covered and protected by the blood of Christ.
Luke 13:34 'as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings'.
Sometimes.. just sometimes you feel like writing... you have so much, that you have to write it down. The thoughts just flow and flow, no matter what you do, you feel energised to write, that you just grab a notepad and type, or type directly as blog.
I disliked the way fb status said 'What is on your mind?' What does it think it is? Poking into private minds.. and yes, definitely many of my friends, me included gave in and wrote what was on our minds. So it is a weird state of mind, that wants to spit everything out..even though on fb something may be completely irrevelant.
Writing blogs is interesting. I write for myself. None of my brothers, or anyone in my family read my stuff. ( I guess that's good, coz I can write whatever I want!) I have made good blog friends, those I have not even met. It does feel good. But there are lean times, when you don't feel like writing. But I take heart in the fact, coz, when I do, I can't stop! I remember getting up at night, turning on the laptop to post something. When mom was sleeping next to me, I remember scribbling in the dark on a paper. I call that as my writing spree!
Yippeee am on one now. Linking blog with facebook.. not sure how good that is.. coz now, many of my friends get to read and comment.. So I guess that's good :)
I thank you Lord, I feel so good, for every single cell in my body is fine!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
We were in a store, getting kitchen stuff, when I was insisting on getting a particular kind of dish( vessel) for milk, spoon, glass. Sathish would pick one, and I would say, No NO! NOT that, lets take this one. He would have an enquiring look as to ‘Why?’, and I would reply that’s the way we had it at home! I realized, how picky I was when we left the store. I had a bag full of stuff - MY way! And what was I so particular about?? A spoon? Where is my experimental, adjusting brain??
It continued in the cooking too. Sathish loves cooking, and for someone who hates it AND demands her own way, it is really bad to consider herself 'the queen of the kitchen'. Sathish kept a distance. I cooked my mom’s way. It was always 'We did it this way....My mom taught me this way.... We used it like this only'.
I wonder where my flexibility had gone!
Why not rather be wronged? I Corinthians 6: 7
Well, I was terribly wrong! At work today, we have to take 2 certifications every year. You have to clear them, or your promotion, hike are questionable. Its been 4 years in this company, and God has been graceful to help me complete each year.
I also thought I was doing good.. Till last month. The ultimate test. Whatever you learnt, read, taught, wrote(in blog!), thought, well it’s all put to test every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY! It feels like, God said, Oh yes, I know you are good and want to be good, and you have been good at it so far. Now is the time to put it to the ultimate test! I can’t wait to clear this every day! (there is no escape!)
Yes, the safety is questionable. Imagine one of the bolt gives away and u fly away! ZOOM and a THUD, CRASH, BOOM! Haha.. Sounds funny. On a serious note, I agree rollercoaster are one of the wild rides. Just the look of it, and the noise makes yr adrenalin pump, and your guts wrench.. But I guess that’s the thrill of it.
Oh life has become a roller coaster. You go zooooooom, zip, splash, and a wroooom,whoosh, zoooooom. Unexpected, exciting, thrilling, scary, weird, head spinning, adrenalin pumping, stomach churning, mind boggling… Oh boy this phase is weird.. It’s bad that nobody tells you what's involved.. and you have to go through it on your own to know it all! Its definitely not the old cozy spot! But new and different in everyway.
I have one big consolation, that I know the manufacturer of the rollarcoaster, the faithful one who put me on it the first place! So I just have to relax and enjoy the new ride!