Thursday, January 31, 2013

The doll!

My uncle got me a baby doll, when I was a kid. I named her Princess. I don't remember having many dolls, while growing up. I had another teddy bear ( from my aunt), whom I named Bobby and another little doll with long flowing blonde hair( from Dr uncle). I named her Grace.

Princess was baby sized. She had blue eyes, and white hair ( probably after I washed her ?)  She had pretty lips, and I remember carrying her all the time. making her sleep and feeding her.  She had a pacifier, which when taken from her mouth, Princess used to cry. I lost it somehow and hence we removed her battery. She was easy to carry around. She was light in weight, and she slept next to me and had her own pillow. Bobby and Grace also slept next to her.

My sister-in-law the other day, said, that I am treating Amy like a doll. Carrying, pulling or holding Amy like Princess? Well, Princess was well behaved. She never woke up in the middle of the night, she never cried. She was easy to soothe, and so easy to make her sleep. But Amy, is doll sized allright, but she is alive! Oh how nice to see her little fingers clasp my pinky. And to see her legs kicking and dancing in the air! Oh Amy is so funny! Troublesome, but cute :)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

After effects

The climax was over. Amy was born. I knew it was going to be different from on, with feeding, sleeping and changing nappies. But I wasn't ready for the after effects.

I came home on the 4th of Jan.  Our room, was nicely made. the mosquito nets were up and my sister-in-law said, I have to be here all month, no going anywhere. My antennas were up. I thought she was joking, till my aunt chiped in, and I got alarmed, when food came into this room. No going to the other room? Ask, what you need they said, and we'll get it to you. Water, towel, book or whatever. Lay down on the bed, all the time! Bed? what's wrong with you people, I almost screamed. Dad had no idea, what this all meant, so did I.

I was given extra food, extra milk, extra care. I felt good, and dint like all the fuzz, a wee bit. 2 days later, the pain started. My whole body started aching. My arms, legs, back, even fingers, and I wondered what on earth happened suddenly. I had an episitomy, and I had been on pills for first 5 days, and the 6th day, it was horrible. I couldn't sit, stand or walk, forget laying down. It was so terrible. I was angry and mad, and I asked my sil, aunt and friends, how come no one told about this pain.  They said, it would be there for a month, which got me really upset. 1 month. I couldn't stand it for 1 day. I called up the hospital, asking if anything can be done. I got the same reply. Once the sutures come off, you will be ok.  It was even worse with constipation. I prayed and wished that the stitches would come off. But it din't look like it.  My lil one also bit me off and that hurt even more.  Sleepless nights, the pain and the ache, just makes you cranky.Also I was told I should lay on my back ONLY. All the 40 weeks, I had slept on my sides, now I have to lie only on my back. Its not easy being a mother!

Its almost a month now, and as I look back, I thank God for sending my aunt and my sister-in-law, who bore with my crankiness and loves me still.  I thank God for the sutures that fell off, one by one though they were all painful.  I thank God for a lovely baby, who bears with my craziness.  I thank God for his love. I can't help wonder how my mom put up with my peeing, pooping and crying.  I thank God for her love.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Well, its almost 4 weeks since Amy came into our life and life hasn't been the same since. Its a joy to see her.  Her legs are so long, that she keeps kicking them all the time. I wonder how she remained such a good girl in my belly.  ( I felt no big kicks) But now, whichever is in contact with her feet, she kicks them off. Be it blanket or my tummy. Her movements are so quick, that she can move herself from one place to another, by just kicking her legs.
She can easily keep both her legs at 90 degree.  She can bring them upto 120 degree( near to her tummy) and can keep them there - fully stretched out. She can do gymnastics when she grows up, I guess! Her feet can be folded and tucked away neatly too. She does that often too, that's how she obviously was inside my little belly.
Her face keeps changing. Her looks, are so funny and so enjoyable! She can go from smiling, to groaning, to grumpy, and crying in a matter of seconds! She is adorable.  

Thank you Lord! Everytime, I look at her, I can't help but wonder how beautiful and amazing your handiworks are!

Saturday, January 19, 2013


They placed her on my now deflated belly. She was wriggling extending her legs and hands.  I was numb.It had been quite a night.
The day had started with the new year! Sathish was worried, if I can make it to church. I was game. We walked to church. Good exercise. Meeting friends at church only worried me. 'EDD 1st Jan, and you are here?' Walking back home was tiring. My back started to ache. My sis in law was at her dad's place. My aunt was at her son's place. I din't want to scare them. After all it was a dull ache.. Through it, I slept through after lunch.
Evening was action packed. I started getting the contraction every 5 mins. I called the hospital, they told me to come in.  Lil Adah fell and cut her skin on top of her right eye. We were so pre-occupied with things, that nobody thought I had enought pain to deliver the same day.  I insisted, and we took our hospital bag, and headed there at 10.30 PM ( 1st Jan).
The fetal heart rate and mine were normal, so after check up, enema, they induced me. Boy, it was so bad. I can't explain that. Your stomach tightens, your back aches, and they tell you to push!  The frequency hightens every minute, and I kept screaming, that I can't take it anymore. I started wishing, why I can't let the baby stay in my belly. It was no harm. Infact I felt quite comfortable carrying the baby around. But this pain to get out, was just not right!
 When the contraction subsides, I keep saying the verses, remember Mary during the Christmas night, the pain on the Cross. But oh, when the contraction starts, I can only yell! I kept saying, Lord, it is not the doctors, who take the baby out, but as in Psalms 22:9, you take it out!
The labor ward was even more weird. They told me to get on the bed, and I jump in - crazy with the pain.My jump causes the IV to break and I am wet with the IV fluid dripping on me. The nurses get upset, and by the time doctor comes in , we are all ready for the baby!
The doctor kept saying, I was doing great.. did I? I am not sure.. They told me not to scream or yell and to save my energy. I was ready to  get out of there.. Oh, why can't they leave me and my baby! I could see the doctor holding an injection, she was ready to do an episitomy.  I wished I had a zip, to open my belly to take the baby out.. And after some excruciating pushes, and the nurses pressing my belly so hard, the baby was out.. It's a baby girl, the doc said, and placed her on my now deflated belly.  I was just ready to get out of there.. The baby was thin, pale, and moving her legs and hands.

I am told that, that when the doctor took her out to Sathish, my dad, aunt and brother, she was wide awake, blinked and opened her eyes to see everyone! Oh, thank you Lord for bringing her out :)

We named her Amy- after the missionary Amy Carmichael, and my mother Amirtha.  She has real long fingers,  toes, long hands and legs! :)


Its been awhile, and I have never felt so clumsy before. When I open the door, so often, I hit my belly against it. So do I when I move my chair closer to the dining table. Oops, there is my belly and my baby.

My growing belly, comes against anything normal, and I keep felling clumsy over the edges! Getting onto the bed has been tough, and so has getting out been.  I am told that the baby is LOA one week and then she turns ROT. So I try not to turn in bed, but my whole left side aches, head, ears, neck, shoulders,arms, torso, thighs and legs. So I turn and I literaly have to hold/carry the belly and lay it on the side. I know the baby is in. Isn't it strange.. a baby inside my belly.. of all the places.. and he/she is growing.. and i can feel and see it move around..

The movements have been less, but they are there for sure! :)


A friend quoted her pastor saying that 3 things were unpredictable. 1. The birth of a baby, 2. The timing of a thief at night. 3. Coming of Jesus Christ.  Well, the second and third are agreeable, but I was quite taken back with the first one.  Isn't it the EDD, good enough? Not quite.  Anytime is unpredictable, with everyone's expectation on an increasing note, it is quite hard to keep myself tucked in :)

Its all upto the baby. The baby's head had turned. My belly has been its biggest size. The baby is full grown, the doctor said on Nov 30th, and she can be out anytime. But yet, the baby is determined to stay inside. Snuggle inside the dark and wait to come out.  The verse ' you took me out of my mother's womb' reminds me, that God has his own timing to bring the baby out. So we just wait.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

oh when?

December baby or January Baby? Boy or a girl? Christmas release or New year release? 2012 or 2013?Each day, there had been lot of anticipation... Phone calls coming in, were not to wish for Christmas or new year, but to find out how I was doing, and if the baby is born yet.
The last week of December 2012, were more anxiety packed. Friends and family made sure,they called regularly to get baby update.  My mom's friends called daily. My aunts called.  I know, most of my friends remembered and prayed.
How did I feel? I was happy to carry her around in my belly. More safe and comfortable, I had got myself to.  I did want to see the baby, but I did wonder, if I will be able to go to church on Christmas or New Year- both of which I did! :)
and so she waited. Waited to be January baby. Waited to be 2012. A beautiful girl! Thank you Lord!