God's will or my wish?

Heard couple of testimonies, prayer request in fellowship and couldn't wonder how much it actually means...

Please pray for this prayer request, that so and so should happen- the person would say, and then would add, well as how the fellowship folks would say, not my wish but God's will be done on this.

Pretty hard realisation.. to give up and empty... but isnt that what Christ did in Gethsemane? But oh, what peace that follows when you give in/step back and let God guide and choose.

Lesson from brother 2

Back in 2000, when inland letter was THE efficient communication, I wrote a stinker

to my brother, who is 10 years elder to me. He was working in an NGO and was in Gujarat then, working on the relief of people after the aftermath of the earthquake.

My mom was undergoing chemo and I don't know what anger I had, but I wrote to him. Saying, you as a son, have a duty to take care of your parents. No matter your expenses and how much you earn, you ought to give some amount to mom.

I got a reply, and I would never forget what he wrote in it. He had said, thanks for writing and pointing it out. Advise can come from any direction, and that it is valid, even if it comes from a lil sister. His humility and gentleness, blew over me that day. It still does.

It taught me, that counsel/suggestion, no matter, from whom it comes from, is to be honored and respected and followed.. There is no hierarchy to it and that we should be humble enough to accept it.

Akkas in my life

It was 22nd Oct, tired and exhausted I got home. As I opened the gate, all my plants looked at me with sad eyes. I hadnt watered them over the weekend. So decided to water them, before I saw my girls. I must have poured only one bucket, when Selvi akka came down the stairs.. It was already 6.20 PM. You havent left yet? I asked. She leaves by 6 PM sharp. He said no.. and asked me if I can drop her home, and that her husband was not picking up phone. She never had asked ever before.. So I said, sure.. and then she said, come and touch my chest... her heart was pumping quickly.. I took it off in a second.. are you ok? are you dizzy? do you need water, did you eat anything, I shot lot of questions. I made her sit and went up to get the bike keys. For some reason I took the car keys too.. The girls saw me talking and came down, I said, lets all go to selvi aunty house, the girls all jumped in and I took the car out. Then I asked akka, who is home? she said no one. Then I asked if she should go to hospital instead.. she was hesitating.. I got the girls out and made them go to ammu's home saying appu has got icecreams. I then took akka to bethesda.. As I wasnt sure what else to do. I thought, it could be either high bp or high or low sugar issue for giddiness... There was heavy traffic and we reached bethesda. It was overflowing. there was no room in casualty. finally we got a bed, and akka's heart rate was around 180. Her husband reached. The doctor told us to take her to Global as the heart rate was still increasing. They arranged the ambulance. We rushed.

The ambulance ride was bumpy and horrible. Its the easy route to get to heaven. Trust me. In Global, the medical response was quick. Her heart rate was around 210. They gave an emergency injection and it reduced to 100 immediately. They asked to be kept under medical observation for 1 day.Her husband stayed. I left around 9.30 PM.

Next day, she was discharged, the bills were 32k and they suggested angio, echo, which akka said, they'll take elsewhere. She was normal otherwise. Without akka, I was disorganised big time. She had been with us, since Amy was 5 months old. Through thick and thin.

My cooking had been very less. She had been all in all... and without her for the past 3 weeks, I was drained. The girls were cranky, and though I loved spending time with them, I was exhausted with continous work. I took wfh. God was gracious to grant me a lean period in office, where I was able to juggle. Sending of girls to school, cleaning, washing, cooking had made me a prov 31 wife.. lol. I had lost 1 kg.. easily.. in 3 weeks. yippe.. I wonder how so many girls, who come to office have no help at all and yet manage. God helped me appreciate lot of things during this time. I missed my morning wimh/ground time and fellowship at office.

Was praying she gets back, or we get another help somehow. And God helped us get Violet akka. She came last Thursday night 15 Nov. She is from thirutani. Was worried how Andrea gets along, but by God's amazing grace, she has become friendly. This akka stays with us. She's a believer too. God has been so gracious! Praise the Lord!

Where vultures gather

I've been intrigued with this passage. A lot. Jesus while talking about his second coming, gives an unrelated ( to me?) Phrase.

Recently, somehow felt God teaching something different from it. And the intensity of it is so scary.
When you feel something is dead inside you. Could be love. Or faith or anything...It means it's dead and rotting.

Jesus is the life. The living water. If you don't have life, you are dead meat. When you don't have living water, it is dead water. Living water teams with life. Fishes, corals, algae, all sort of life.
Dead water is stagnant water. Breeding ground of mosquitoes. Stinky water.

We can either be hot or cold. But not lukewarm. Either In or out. But not in between.

Just like how ditch water, attracts dirty things, a dirty mind would naturally attract all that's evil. And dirty stuff. Dirty people. Like magnet.

How scary that is. How vital to renew your mind daily in Christ.

Dad's dreams

He was in heaven and  saw Emil jebasingh uncle come down from a tall building. He said he was just visited a fmpb old timer , who helped fmpb ministry in the olden days.

He put his hand around dad shoulder and they kept walking and one man in vetti chatai (as they were in South) looked at dad and said, iyya vaanga.

And Emil uncle said, neether, do recogniSE him? Dad couldn't remember who the other man was. And uncle reprimanded saying, this is the father of so and so missionary in so and so north Indian place. You ought to remember them too!.
Dad realised that he not only should pray for missionaries but also for their parents.

Whom are we praying for?廊

2nd dream. Dad was in the top of a very tall mountain. And from there he could see the sun glowing on another mountain far far away.  It was so beautiful.

And as he was looking, the other mountain came nearer and nearer, so near that he could take a single step and he was on the other big mountain. The old mountain which he was standing a lil while ago, seemed to give away and go down and disappear.

Birds

I had landed in Houston on Sunday evening. Barely out of the jet lag and still groggy, my office hours went by quickly. Wednesday my teammates leave to Florida for vacation for the Thanksgiving weekend. Alone without SSN, any cash,card, phone friends or family, I felt stranded.

I borrow a phone from my roommate and quite conscious of making a long distance call from someone else phone I make my talk quick with my mom.  I tell her, that I am fine. She was undergoing chemo and I could only choke at my tears and finish the call, before mom finds me crying. I decide to take a walk in the park next door. Cold and alone I am fighting tears, my emotions run high. 4 days alone in the first weekend in US. No one even to talk to. I cry my heart out in the bench. There's noone in the park.

I lift my eyes to wipe my tear and see a bird darting across. I stare and smile. If God could feed the birds, here today and gone tomorrow, how precious I am! I rush back to my apartment. I pull a paper and pen. I list down all that I don't have.
Phone
Friends
Mom
Family
Moms food
Money
Card
Then I made a list of things I did have
A roof above my head.
A roommate
Food in the fridge
Utensils in the kitchen
Fully functioning kitchen
Someone to pick and drop me from airport ( I had my manager, and two teammates come!)
My viral fever was gone since I had landed
My cold was nill.
I had legs that could walk, eyes that see
And on and on I wrote and my list was 7:22, I think.
Looking at it back, I just tore it up and laughed. God I have so much to be thankful for and I am going to be! I was grinning ear to ear.

My search for church then begun.