Thursday, August 16, 2012

Have u been kicked?

Three months ago, I wouldn't have appreciated that question. But that day was different. It was Tueday evening, the day before the Independence day. Most importantly a holiday. Many left early that day, and I was rearing to go. I had someone in my desk. That's when I felt a tap. TAP,TAP... TAP, TAP.  I paused mid-sentence of whatever I was talking and then continued. I quickly finished the meeting, and touched my belly.. Was it really?

I was excited.. the tapping stopped short however.  I felt it again the same day, several times infact. It is weird, crazy and funny feeling.  The effect of seeing many alien movies, comes to my mind. I remember my second scan, when the doc, pointed to the screen and said, there is the eye, the fingers, the legs, and the hand... I was like, are you serious? 1. It was black and white. 2. I could hardly make out anything that the doc said. Nevertheless, that was my lil baby.. Just getting formed.

I have drastically changed.  My bro got two pretty kurti's from FabIndia- XS size, and I fit into it so snugly (6 mths ago).. made me look nice and tall.  I no longer fit into S, M, L these days! XL is comfortable. XXL is much too comfortable... and it is just 5th month.  I wrote to my friend, that my cheeks are like donuts..  My engagement ring, doesn't fit anymore..  My belly is like a balloon... Oh it is all so funny... The changes that happen 'in' me. Being tomboyish all these years, I don't think, I have given any thought to how I am. Now the flurry of things happening do excite me.

Oh I pity men.  For the first time in my life, I am really really happy that am a girl,.. ahem a women.. a mother..  and not a man. It is complicated. quite complicated, but to know, that a guy can't feel or understand it, makes me more proud!! hahaha

Psalms 139: 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book     before one of them came to be.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The unexpected...

I never wanted it to happen again. Not that day, not ever, not to another loved one, not the same thing! It was like a repeat telecast.  History happening again. Same events, same things.

It was inevitable I guess, and you can't deny it. But there it was.. rekindling the same emotion, the pain, the desperateness. So when it happened, we were unprepared.  The so many 'if only', ' i wish', 'how could' repeatedly going on in your mind.

But again, the grace of God surrounds you, and carries you through, to see the impossible. To float instead of hitting the hard ground of reality. My father in law passed away on 3rd August. He was very weak, and only later did I really come to know that it was the same thing that had consumed my mother. Spread over all his body, nowonder he was so weak.

A pretty authoritative person, demanding, yet such caring and love that I received unconditionally, that made me make myself at home, who treated me like a daughter is no more around. It is hard, that my lil one, will never get to see this wonderful personality, but I am glad I got to meet him, and relish his love, this past less than a year.

Yes, we'll get to meet one day.  I am again thankful for the wonderful hope and trust we have in our Lord, that we all will live eternity together.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

2 in 1

Am 2 in 1 now. As funny and weird, it may sound, it feels too good to be true. But its true. Praise God, for isn't that amazing - an absolute miracle?!

  The 2 become 1 in marriage, but more than that I feel it literally holds good, when you have a baby inside you. A new life, a new being forming, growing inside of you!

I can't button any of my shirts. None of my pants fit.  I am bulging even in my oversized old clothes. My cheeks are like doughnuts. I am round in shape. It has just been 4 months and already none of my clothes fit me.

Now I know, why/how mothers get over protective of their kids. It starts from the belly. You take extra care in walking. No running.  You are careful not to hit any sharp objects. Too careful, while crossing the road. Cautious while eating. No bending. No sudden moves. Even while sleeping!

But I think, it is pretty easy carrying baby inside of you. Rather than outside.  You take him/her to work, to the shop,  almost everywhere. No need to feed, clean or make him/her sleep.  He/she is within you!

and today of all my birthdays, I feel extra special. Coz I am 2 in 1.  I can never be like this again. Atleast not with this baby :) my bro's wish makes me smile. '(Wishing you happiest BIRTHDAY! It is a great one as you are going to be mother as well as creating birthdays for new creation )'

And you know what? You can't see the baby now. Nor do I feel the baby yet. Not yet. But I know, he/she is inside of me. And this reminds me of my faith in God.  I don't feel him too. But I know that He is within me.  He teaches me, loves me, protects me, corrects me and understands me!

God's Spirit dwells in you 1 Corinthians 3:16
Christ is in you Romans 8:10
Christ in you Colossians 1:27

My Special Day!

My mom used to laugh at all the hype I created even 1 month before my birthday.  I must have been 6 or 7 year old then, our milkman, postman, vegetable vendor, housemaid everyone got to know that it was my bday on Aug 2nd.  Dad being in ministry, always had lot of visitors at home.  My excitement was overwhelming, that I was telling everyone that my bday was coming soon. When they exclaimed that it was still June or July,  and I always replied, that it was soon going to be August! Being the youngest and pampered, I guess I have always been like that, even after growing up so big.  My mom always wondered what hype I would create for my wedding!  She felt I was too excited for my birthday, as if it was a great big wedding celebration!

I am not sure, if I wanted to grow older or taller…. Not that we got gifts for birthdays. It was the usual big hug from my mom, and real good kiss.  If dad was there, I got it from him too. Apart from that, mom got me a frock ( 1 of the 4 new dresses I got every year- Other being for Christmas, Newyear and Easter). I don’t remember getting any toys for Bday.  It was never a big celebration either, but we always had the brown cake to cut and the birthday song sang [ Mom sings 4 stanzas] and a nice prayer. But the excitement never ended that day, coz my dad’s birthday was on August 3rd.  Most of the time,  our birthdays were clubbed together, as dad often was out of town.

Today is one such special day! I feel really embarrassed and ashamed, coz I have such a bad memory, that I can’t really remember any dates and associate them with my friends’, family’s bday.  Not one.  But yet, they remember me on my birthday, and make me feel so special. I do try to remember and invariably forget it soon enough.  I feel really blessed, honored and humbled by their love and affection and am so thankful to God,  for all the friends and family I have, who make this special every year.

My brother sent me this beautiful birthday message. "The Shepherd created you extra special, and we're so glad he did!  Happy Birthday! "
'The Lord your God has chosen you .... to be his own special treasure' Deuteronomy 14:2 .

I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart;  I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. 2 I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High. Psalms 9:1,2