Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Some days

When I thought I got the hang of it, it all goes haywire. Amy has been acting up lately. She doesn't sleep at night.neither in the mornings. Some days she sleeps in the mornings, and is awake at night. Somedays it is viceversa. She has started to cry not just for milk, but also for sleepiness. You won't believe that she has dark circles below her eyes already! She has been cranky lately.

I have been complaining lately. Without my aunt, mother in law or my sis-in law, it has just been me round the clock. Dad and I take turns during the day. Carrying her around when she cries. At night, Sathish takes over. But it is hard for him, as he has to go for work today. So I try not to wake him up.

Everyday is different. Everyday she is different. I try to enjoy it, and try to remember, that time will soon fly, and I won't get to remember or see, or enjoy these things. So I smile, I thank God, for her, for my family. I try not to have any expectations, but take it as it comes.

Thank you Lord for your love.


Ever since Amy was born, questions from family and friends have been much similar. Whom does she look like? Is she like you or Sathish?

Well, when Amy was born, 2 things stood out. Her hair. Her legs. Her hair was thick and ofcourse like me! :D Her legs were so long and thin. Her fingers and toes were pretty long for a new born. She was a quite fair child. Her Lily grandma is fair, tall and her palms and feet or quite large ( size 11!) Her nose was like mine. Her lips were so cute, so small, so red. Just like my mom's! Jeba ( my bro in law) when he first visited us, asked us if we had put lipstick on her! :) Her head is round, which made him ask if we had massaged it to make it round. Silly! He also found out that Amy had 2 swirls on her head. Guess she's going to be naughty.

Now that Amy is almost 2 months old, she looks a lot bigger and quite different. She has lost some color, her legs are stout and no more are thin or long. Her eye lashes still look like mine, and so are her eyes. Sometimes, she looks so much like a boy, and I feel as if she looks like praveen and sometimes prem's eyes. Its so hard to find her neck, that we joke its like Prem's!

She keeps changing everyday, but above all, I would like people to say that she has her 'Father's eyes' Eyes that find the good in things When good is not around Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain Knowing what you're going through, and feelin' it the same Just like my father's eyes - Amy Grant :)

Sunday, February 17, 2013


Last year- during the early weeks of pregnancy, when my friends asked who is going to help during my delivery.. I just smiled. I had no idea. December and onwards seemed far and 'unknown'.

My aunt offered to help for a month. She came on November 25th. The day we had a prayer meeting, and I reached dad's place. My sister in law came on 22nd Dec. After Amy was born, my mother in law helped for a week. My aunt decided to stay longer, and she stayed even after my sister in law left ( Jan 28th). When my aunt fell sick, and couldn't stay, my mother in law stayed to help.

Just as we had prayed, God provided. At the right time. When everyone left, and we expected an angel to drop in, there was none. But God is sufficient for us. He has provided us with strength, love and courage. And so he suffices and we praise Him for his love.

Once again, as we leap into the unknown, He has proved that He is worthy of trust. Thank you Jesus, you are so awesome! Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord our Maker

Her first painful cry

The moment she was born, Amy coughed and her cry was short and sweet to hear. Her cry for food, cry for attention, cry to sleep are so distinct.

But yesterday was different. She had her second vacination. The first one was on her left hand. The doctor gently put the needle under the tiny skin, it looked scary, but she cried for 5 seconds and then was ok. But not yesterday. The needle was 1 inch long, and before I realised it the doctor stuck it with force on her litte left thigh! And the scream, oh boy that was heart breaking. Her her mouth was wide open with pain, her eyes were teary, and her face was red and she cried.

The doctor gave some medicines for fever and asked to give ice pack to her thigh. We brought her home, and she refused to lay down. She clinged to my shoulders. She wouldn't go to Sathish or dad too. We gave her the medicines and tried to put her to sleep. I had her on my shoulders till 2 AM. She dozed off after that.

As she lay on my shoulders, I realized this was no play doll stuff. I had in my arms, a baby, who will face pain difficulty, and will run to me. And thereby I have on my shoulders a huge responsibility of bringing her up, molding her in Godly character and knowledge of God. She is unique with a personality, likes and dislikes, with lots of talents, energy and desire. Lord, give me the strength to carry on!

The Amy style

The Amy dance

She did this occasionally, that she scared the wits out of me in the middle of the night the very first time. Her eyes are closed or semi-open, her lips are O shaped and her shoulders are flat, and her hands are stiff. The legs are folded and in air and move to one side with a kick, simultaneously, the shoulders move the opposite sides. So her shoulder, hands and leg move the opposite direction. She did this for a couple of times, and was pretty scary first.. But now I enjoy.. I haven't seen her dance for the past two days!

The Amy kick

Amy's legs looked pretty long when they were born. They were so thin, that we joked, it resembled the chicken leg piece. Now her legs have grown and they look normal and cute. When she is laid down, she never puts her leg down. They will be in air kicking. The first week, she tried to keep one leg over the other and tried to turn over..! If you lie next to her, her lil legs will keep kicking u. The 'quick dry sheet' will be kicked and kicked that it will be one side of the bed! Amy can never be covered with blanket. Any thing that touches her leg ought to be kicked. So we cover up her tummy alone with blanket, and let her sleep. Once she is sound asleep, the legs can be covered, but mind you, if she feels the blanket, she would kick it, until the blanket comes off her legs and no where near the vicinity and her sleep goes for a toss! :)

The Amy talk.

My niece Adah, who just turned one on Jan 27th, is a big time talker. To equal Adam's energy and sound, she is quite loud and energetic herself. She loved to enter our room, and explore the table, bed, and everything inside( including the dirty napkin bag). Amy at times, sleeps through the noise, but the screaming and yelling sound, does jolt her up. So what did Amy learn? 'Hey'. It is more like 'yay'. So Amy says, 'Hey', everytime she wants milk. I am sure, she would have learnt more words, had Adah been around now.

The Amy hairstyle

Amy has two swirls on her head. They say, she could be handsful :) So the 2 swirls, make her hair stand straight, giving her a natural spike on her head. She looks so cute. Trust me, we are not able to remove her spikes, unless we put enough hair oil to keep it down! She also has lots of hair in the back of the head. So her little neck is covered with this hair, and had to be dried everytime, we wash her head down! Funk style! Spikey funk style!

The Amy smile.

Amy has a beautiful smile. Earlier, she used to smile only in her sleep, and then she started smiling, after her tummy was full. Slowly she started to smile at faces. She looks at you enquiringly, and there goes the flashy toothless grin. Oh, how I love my baby!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


When Amy clutches yr little finger with all her 5 lil fingers.
When I put her on my shoulder, her right hand embraces my left shoulder and her right hand is either around my neck or clutches the chain i wear around my neck.
When she looks at my eyes and smiles wide.
When her tiny hand rests on my hands.
When her tiny legs stops kicking when I touch her feet.
When she starts sucking my hands in a hurry.
Her tiny squirrel eyes, look enquiringly at you at 2 AM.
When she coos and caass, and starts saying something that you are not aware of!
Her yawning.
Her smiling when bathing.
When she calms down after every feed.
When she smiles so wide after her tummy is full.

I know that these moments are fleeting, and I nor her will remember it later, but I want to cherish and I thank the Lord for each of these little moments, He has gifted me. Thank you Lord!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Girl's instincts!

My mother in law and I were giving bath to Amy, and I took her in my hands to pat her dry, and then I realised, I have treated my doll Princess years ago, the same way.

Pat, pat, pat, talking to her, singing for her, putting powder on her and cuddling her, swaddling her with a cloth... Princess was my life sized baby doll. Amy is now my life sized real baby doll! I am not sure if mother's instinct has kicked in for me now, but I see that every girl has some girlish actions as a kid. Though I was more tom boyish, growing up with the boys, I see that somehow, somewhere there is a connection..

It is amazing to know, that fetus in the mother's womb, if it is a girl develops all the needed approx SEVEN MILLION eggs in week 20! Imagine week 20!! The boy fetus develops his things much later :P So I guess its in the blood...and it is a joy to cherish and carry around a living baby doll :) I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Silky Soft

Amy has began to look straight into our eyes, and smile.  She rotates her eyes and sees the ceiling most of the time though!

I know when she flexes each muscles, and why she does that ( not 100% accurate though! ) She clenches her wrist, when she drinks milks. She grimaces when she is about to pass. Her face turns red, and her little tongue ( like that of a little bird)sticks out, but mind it, there is no sound yet. After few seconds you hear her yelp. Yes, it is not a cry, but a tiny yelp. But looking at her face, you know, she is hungry. She will put her fingers into her mouth and start sucking, she will suck anything that comes in contact with her mouth, and now you know she is really hungry!

Her tiny fingers, toes are so cute! Her skin is so soft and silky, you wish to touch and feel her skin all the time. Yes, she is stinky at times, and make my clothes wet and stinky. I smell of milk, vomit, urine and motion almost all the time.

Though I am home all day, I am the busiest and dirtiest no matter how many times I take bath. I can't be away from her. She needs me all the time.She is dependent on me! I wonder how much I am dependent on God! I bet, he is thinking of me, providing, protecting, nourishing me all the time, all these 31 years. He has been merciful and gracious! Thank you Lord Jesus!