B A N G ! !

That’s what they heard, when I fell unconscious on the hospital floor, this morning. The last thing I heard was the screaming of a 15 yr old girl in pain. She was admitted in the same room as my mom. Bharathy has brain tumor and had been there for 5 months. Chemo, radiation, fever were hers reducing her to skin and bones. She had beautiful eyes, a sharp nose and lovely lips. Her mom, dad are police officers from Chattisgarh. They and Bharathy don’t understand English. She is in Class 11. Her head was shaven and the first time I saw her I mistook her to be a small boy. She hardly ate. Just the previous day, I had got her a pink teddy and a get well card to cheer her up. I had told her to eat properly and never cry. I had told her to be brave.

Hmmm…It was a big bang, my head had hit her hospital bed and I was numb for 5 minutes. The nurses rushed, carried me, saw the bump in my skull and finally I am told to have my brain scanned and my skull Xrayed. I am just praying there is no blood clot or whatever on my head. She was showing me her tubed neck, when I reeled. Unlike me, Bharathy is a brave girl. She lives through everyday torture from eating, turning over, walking, sleeping, everything. I feel embarrassed but truth is I just couldn’t see her in pain. Last thing, I heard was when they where taking some dumb liquid out of her spine. She was pleading, yelling, crying out of sheer pain and I just ran out of the room. I am still scared.

I am as lowly worse than an earthworm. Life is full of surprises! I could have a stroke, an accident, a fatal fall, and any crazy disease! Am so vulnerable. We all are! Fame, money, success, achievement aren’t in the thoughts of Bharathy. I realize, there is a huge truth in that.

Father, help me to remember how futile this life is. Give me the strength that I need. You love me and I love you. I can’t ask for anything more in this life.