The struggle within

This could be a bitter truth. But don’t I love bitterguard? :)

Its not just in corporate life, but in school and college life, girls/boys, men and women are dealt equally. In studies, in career, in sports, in every area of life, you see women on par with men. They compete, grow, and thrive togethar. Growing up with a house full of boys, or among friends, cousins or team, I never felt any different.

So, after marriage, I was in for a rude shock. When it dawned that I had to cook 3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and do all the household stuff with a smile, you can imagine the grumpy Meulah. The 'why me' factor set in, the world seemed unfair and the rebellious Meulah rose up.

Perplexed of how complex life could get, I get to read a book, which said clearly that marriage is definitely NOT a 50-50 proportion. I couldn't take 'man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.' I corinthians 11:9 until I learnt the power of submission.
In this wide, wide, world, Order, Hierarchy, authority, harmony, boundary that we see in nature, creatures- trees, animals, birds,insects,leaves, music, orchestra,dance and in almost everything keeps the balance. Without which it would be a mess. This balance that we see is quite reassuring, that Everything is under God's supreme control and plan.

There is an order, a divine order, a boundary, lines are drawn - not by my husband, but by God himself. A sailboat in the rough seas, could survive the trip, if it obeyed the laws of sailing. If it fought against the wind, water and the storm, it sure will be broken beyond repair. But if it takes to herself the power of the tide and wind, they become it's own! She sails swiftly and beautifully. She is built for that and that defines her freedom - a choice, a discipline that doesn't stifle but gives power and beauty. Submission is not being a doormat, but accepting the divine order in obeying, respecting the man over me, which will help the boat sail smoothy following the rules of sailing (for which it was built ) instead of fighting against the rough seas. Obedience is no more a sign of weakness/ captivity than it was in Christ when he laid down his life for us- sinners.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22.
Ladies, read 'Let me be a woman' - Elisabeth Elliot. It did good to me! Thanks to my dear friend who gave it to me. Apt time!

5-6 hrs!

If you had 5-6 hrs of electricity per day, how would it be? Can you imagine? No lights, no fans, no ac, no fridge, no mixie, no microwave. Nothing. Electricity only for 5-6 hrs the whole day!?

My bro had been to Jharkand last week where he had been to remote villages, which had no electic posts. No roads. No lights. No hotels. My jaw was wide open, does such land exist, in 21st century?

They had driven for 40kms where there were no roads. No buses. The public transport are vans which can carry 8-10 people, but transport 60-70 people. The ones on the roof have half ticket price. Most of the people, walk. Praveen said, never ask the localites for directions. They point directions as if it is a 1 km walk which usualy is 30 kms away. Without a map, and uneven dirt roads, they had a once in a lifetime experience, living like the localites. He said, he dint see a single person with a big belly. Not one. The people eat once a day. The eat rice.They eat lot of rice. ( 3 times the quantity that we eat)

In every village they go, they were warmly welcomed by pretty girls. They garland the visitors and wash their tired feet, with water. They live in bamboo huts, 1 room is clean, the other is a messy, as it has their wealth- cow, goat, chicken, pigs. They sleep, eat and live next to them.

Mosquitoes are the enemy- causing deadly cerebral malaria. My bro had to take medicines 3 week before and after, the 5 day trip. But I wonder how the people there live, survive, exist. Especially missionaries, who has seen the other side of the world and yet are committed and dedicated to help and improve those people' lives.

The house

We lived in a bungalow, aka 'The Haunted House' from '85-'92. It had about 11 rooms. Each room had minimun 4 doors, and the main hall had 6! We had to lock few doors permanently as it was so confusing. We laughed that if a thief breaks in, he wont know how to get out.


There were 10-12 trees surrounding the house. Probably 100 years old. HUGE trees. You cannot wrap your arms around them. You cannot see the house from the gate. It was covered with trees. There were wild bushes, and tall grass around the house, that it practically made the area a home for snakes. If you are lucky, you can spot them inside the house too :P We have killed lot of snakes inside and outside the house.


No wonder my mom HATED the house. And we kids, just loved it. THE best place for hide and seek. You will keep seeking and keep on seeking :P. It had a huge well. One side of the house was prohibited. Lot of tall grass and wild buses. You can find sweet boxes there, thrown by the family who lived above us. Boxes had dog poop! There were two dogs, they owned. Julie and Tiger. I was afraid of both of them. They were huge. There were 2 other bungalows on either side, with whom we talk only during Christmas. Those houses were as big and old and covered with trees. You hardly get to see or hear them.


Why this reminiscences tonight? Well, dad and me happened to go there, and we saw the house sans trees. The two bungalows on either side were demolished. A huge aparment complex was getting built on one, but our old house - the building was intact! We went inside 'our bungalow'. We met the rightful owners, and were too excited when they invited us in.

We had lived in that same house nearly 20 years ago. Each room brought back fresh memories. Mom yelling, brothers fighting, me crying. The tree house the boys had built and prohibited me from climbing was nowhere to be seen. The place was clean. No trees, they had neatly laid grass everywhere. The old building was painted, renovated, but still stood its ground. They said, to nail a nail, you need special hammer. The walls were 4 inch thick. The huge well behind, dint seem huge. It probably looked to be big then, because I was small ! Perspective!


I was so excited and happy to walk through each room, touch the same walls and doors. I thanked them for not destroying the old house. They laughed and promised me that I can bring my grandkids, and it will still be the same! Oh, how I wish it be the same!

Btw, dad was sharing about how you 'leave' a house, when the landlord asks you to vacate. You have to move, find another place to live. Its just like that with death. You leave your body, when it is time, and move to house that God has built for you in heaven. :)

John 14:1-3 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

ONE

A friend asked me if it was mandatory for Christians to read the bible and go to church on Sundays. I said, no and no. Its just that it is not meant as a ritual, but as a relationship. With someone you love. I told her how God refers the relationship as 'First Love' and expects to love, think/dream about, trying to please, spend more time, talk about anything and everything and give yourself completely without hiding anything. It is not out of fear, but of love the relationship strengthens.

I also told her, how incidentally that God refers to himself as a 'Bridegroom' and refers us his loving bride. He cherishes, loves, protects, and cares for us as a bridegroom would do a bride. I told her that its not that God resides in the Church, for he himself dwells in us, and says that we are the temple of God. The Holy God dwells in us, and how the 2 become one! The mortal sinful body, containing the all powerful God- because of what Christ did for us! Isn’t that amazing. I told her that we go to church for the fellowship with fellow believers.

I ended, wondering how I was able to believe and practice this tough concept but have difficulty to wrap my mind around this concept in real marriage! My pastor said, ‘Know that marriage is an outward expression of the inner works of God in your life’ and that means, all the things I learnt about forgiveness, love, kindness, gentleness, anger, selfishness, so far in my life, - the inner works of what God did to clean me in my life-the ultimate being/test is in marriage. Love in action, Forgiveness in action, gentleness in action, kindness in action. Patience in action, kindness in words! No wonder marriage is so very complex and difficult. Who says, go get married? My warning, to all those singles, you are getting into a jam. Dare if you like to be jammed. The REAL test. :)