Interim...

Only when it is full, does it overflow. I emptied myself, inorder to get full again... and it has taken sometime to get filled. :) Just wanted to get away from advices, messages, sermons, and all the goody goody stuff for awhile. and now that I am refilled and charged up, I am back. :)

Confused?

A sudden rush of gentle breeze brought a bunch of leaves all over me. I smiled. (yeah, felt like a kid/bride) Looking up, I saw a tree, with not a single green leaf, but with countable brown leaves on its barren branches. Surprised, that Chennai known for having summer throughout the year, could ever have Autumn/Fall around, I checked other trees down the same lane.

I was confused. I saw few dark green trees ( dark green showing its healthy but old leaves), and there were few bright green trees ( they were new shoots all over, and it looked so beautiful) There were other barren brown/yellowish of the same kind of tree( the fall color was so lovely!).. I wondered how they would feel. Wouldn't they be confused? Wheather to wither leaves, grow new ones, or keep the old ones. I hope they dont get inferiority complex!

It just reminded me, of times I/we get confused. Am I in the right place? Did I say the right thing? Did I take the correct decision? Well, what I learn from the trees, is that instead of thinking/worrying/comparing and getting more confused, it is better to leave things as they are and just be content and happy with what we are at. It could be Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter, at the WRONG time of the year, but when we know, that our times are in His hands, we could just relax. (Psalms 31:15)

'..They will fight against you, but will not overcome you.. 'Jer 15:20 '.. the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them. 'Daniel 3: 27'He has made everything beautiful in its time' Eccles 3:11

Am I a sadist?

Well, it occured to me when I was running to catch the train, hoping against hope that the train would start late. And it sure did. The funny thing is, if I am early, I expect the train to start immediately, and not wait long in other stations! ( Read: bus/shuttle/auto)

Same thing happens when I am on road and pray that the Railway gate doesnt close, while I cross it. But if am on the train, I just hope that train crosses and the Railway gate remains closed!

Again, while crossing a busy road, I want the vehicles to stop and give way to the pedestrians. But if I am on the vehicle, I press the gas and avoid stopping to let people cross. :( there are so many times, when i just want my way!

I now realise, that I shouldn't be impatient or complain when I am delayed, someone is in a hurry, and when I miss something, I am gonna meet or have a better experience.

"All things happen togethar for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose" Rom 8:28. "Do to others as you would like them to do to you." Luke 6:31
and yeah, God can turn all evil to good! so why gripe? ""You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

The Obvious stuffs!

I had the tomatoes ready and that was when I noticed, none of the 3 knives were around. I scanned the kitchen in sections, but I couldn't spot any last Thursday morning. My eyes then fell on a strange red flat small knife in out dining cum working table and I started using that to cut the veg. SNAP! The Knife though it looked blunt went right into my left forefinger. Blood was oozing out, I stopped its flow with some ice cubes, and continued my chopping,for it was getting late.
SNAP, SNAP! This was my right forefinger and this was painful though it had no blood. Dad had woke up by then and had come to help peeling onions. Elaborating my unsuccessful hunt for knife all morning,I gave him my only red knife and warned him to be cautious. He directly went to the usual place where we keep the knives, and to my amazement right under my nose, there it was!
It was only when mom came, I learnt what that red knife is used for. It seems it is for cutting paper and opening postal covers! No wonder both the edges were sharp and so I've been roaming around in office with bandaid on both my forefingers for 2 days now!

Funny, how obvious things things are missed. May be its time not to "look beyond what you see" hakuna matata style or even the "Beyond the obvious" TCS style! Another lesson for life learnt as I type this blog, sans both my forefingers.

Striking a balance!

Excited or Ground State. This is where I'll be most of the time and I try my best to strike the balance. The thing that induces this may be an event, a person, a news, a surprise, a situation. ( U know how I oscillate now.) Making it simple, the basic thing is expectation. If it is met, am in Excited state. If it is not met, I'll be down and out.

So how do I TRY to strike the balance?
A.First thing, if something upsets me, I put myself in tht person's shoes.
1. Have I done something similar to anyone. ( May be hurt, offended, or given a sarcastic/cutting remarks like someone did to me?)
2. Had I been in their state, may be I would have done the same thing. ( Ans could be yes or no) 3. I cant judge that person at all.. ( I have no other way to point that person. Instead point it to self) ( Matt 7:1)

B. Forgive that person.
1. First step helps put things in perspective. Even if it doesnt fit, just forgive tht person/thing off yr mind.(remember: Seventy times Seven) ( Matt 18:22)
2.The alternative is that we NEED to love the person. So this issue/misunderstanding cant come in the way. God's love is unconditional and we are forgiven.aint it? (John 13:34)

C. Confront the person, with issue, or thing.
1.This is delicate. Most of the times I dont. But if u r close to the person in subject better to tell the person in a subtle way, 'hey I dint like wht u said/did/doing'. 'I expected this/that'. (It could bombard, breach yr relationship, or on the other hands, helps u see thgs fr tht persons perspective, and bond u more)
2.Irrespective of the person's response, either positive or negative, we had forgiven that person/situation beforehand. So be prepared for anything here.

Well, it sure doesnt happen one by one. It happens instantaneously. within our mind, fraction of a second. The people who offend or hurt us a lot are our loved ones, parents, siblings, or our close friends.Funny aint it? Anyway, any relationship know in advance, that we can't expect anyone to be good/to do good, to say the right thing, to be our role model except God. Anne Frank's 'Inspite of everything, I still believe everyone are good at heart' ( Everyone includes terrorist, hypocrites, rapist, drunkards, everyone in this world) is amazing!

And I learn to get excited, not by people who can change any minute, but by small things around me. A monkey in the station, a sunset, a cloud, a
starless sky, anything that God had made.

"Expect great things from God, and attempt great things for God. " William Carey, 1792. [ and I bet, he meant, Expect great things not from MEN, and yr loved ones, but from God alone]

and a little child will lead them...

I turned shocked to see a young mom shout and scold her lil kid in tbm railway bridge. The kid 1 feet tall, bare foot, thin legs, unkempt hair, shabbily dressed, clutching to a mini ponds talcum powder box, was held on one hand tightly by her mom.She was scolded as she dint inform there were stairs ahead.

The scene being strange, I stopped and then it sinked in. The Mother was blind, and her little girl was her only set of eyes. I've seen blind people walk, but this was hard to sink in.. The kid, who must be say 2 yr old, can barely walk, she cant even talk clearly, but the way she led was amazing! Telling/guiding her Mom, where to pause, where to walk or slow down! We followed her, afraid, they might hit a rick or a person. But the girl was pulling her mom to the bus stand, at amazing pace and that too precisely!

The kid was visibly malnourished. But her strength was incredible. The look she gave, to people who bumped on the way.. huh, it needs to be seen to believe and nothing could express it.

Strength comes from within...Not from food, clothes, money, power, belief in the future or even health. It seems to come from deep within. What we are, and where we draw our confidence from.
Prov 3:26 'For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.'
Isaiah 11:6 '...and a little child will lead them.'

On track !

We were travelling to office, me and my friend on Boghi, ( day before pongal) a Monday morning. Boghi is a day where the old stuff is burnt to make way for the new. The air was filled with smog ( smoke + fog).Practically unable to view anything clearer and the typical monday blues setting in , we boarded the 7.20 AM train.

As few stations crossed, it looked as if we were travelling on clouds! Either side of the train was white. Like a thick blanket. The trees, the road, the houses were all magicaly gone! We stood near the train door, puzzled and quite excited as it looked like travelling into a fairy tale land.

We were discussing, how the train driver would manage, if he cant just see where we are going? We then realised we need not worry, for we are on the track. Unlike a bus on the road, this had the least of worries, as, though unclear, we sure can proceed and move on to our destination, because WE ARE ON THE TRACK..

God taught us one beautiful lesson that day. In life, we may not know where we are heading. The opportunities might be closed. Thick reality might stare right on our faces. Fear and anxiety sets in. But we need not worry, for if we had surrendered our life to God, we are always on track. And haan, its the driver's headache to get us through! All we need is just to hold on and relax!

'.. All things that surround me become shadows in the light of You!

My latest Crush...

He's so charming and cute. With such an innocent face that I just cant get angry at his crazy pranks. He loves cuddling me, and falling all over me at the time I least expect. I love that too. ;) He is so open and frank, that you feel embarrased at his big speech at times. He has a heart of gold, spontanious and yet sooo VERY naughty! I jst cant contain him!

Yeah, am talking about Kevin! Not the hollywood Kevin Costner or Kevin Spacey, but our 3 yr old hero at home, my nephew! He loves eating chocolates with all his 10 fingers, he loves piggybacking during family prayer. He irks me most of the time, for he cant sit still for more than 30 secs.

The other day, at midnight, my sis in law heard a faint 'Mommy' and woke with a start not finding Kevin next to her. She was perplexed and frightened as she groped around in dark. That's when she heard our Kevin brightly say, ' Mom, I am lying down here!' .

We all laughed at this story, but the underlying lesson i learnt amazes me. He dint cry that he fell off the bed.. or he had hurt his head.. he dint say mom i fell! The words he chose, shows the different perspective one can have at the worse of situation! Aint it?!

Inspiration from ODD places

Never knew Sidney Shelton could inspire me everyday. Below is the extract from his book 'The other side of me' Its worth the read... below are the words from his papa to keep Sidney from commiting suicide.

"Life is like a novel. It's filled with suspense. You have no idea what's going to happen until you turn the page."
"You don't really know what can happen tomorrow, do you? Every day is a different page and they can be full of surprises. I'd hate to see you close the book too soon and miss all the excitement that could happen to you on the next page- the page you're going to write"

Whew! isnt that neat.. Life with its own twist and turns, is sure a novel. what a perspective! Now you get the guts to go head-on!

I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.....

B A N G ! !

That’s what they heard, when I fell unconscious on the hospital floor, this morning. The last thing I heard was the screaming of a 15 yr old girl in pain. She was admitted in the same room as my mom. Bharathy has brain tumor and had been there for 5 months. Chemo, radiation, fever were hers reducing her to skin and bones. She had beautiful eyes, a sharp nose and lovely lips. Her mom, dad are police officers from Chattisgarh. They and Bharathy don’t understand English. She is in Class 11. Her head was shaven and the first time I saw her I mistook her to be a small boy. She hardly ate. Just the previous day, I had got her a pink teddy and a get well card to cheer her up. I had told her to eat properly and never cry. I had told her to be brave.

Hmmm…It was a big bang, my head had hit her hospital bed and I was numb for 5 minutes. The nurses rushed, carried me, saw the bump in my skull and finally I am told to have my brain scanned and my skull Xrayed. I am just praying there is no blood clot or whatever on my head. She was showing me her tubed neck, when I reeled. Unlike me, Bharathy is a brave girl. She lives through everyday torture from eating, turning over, walking, sleeping, everything. I feel embarrassed but truth is I just couldn’t see her in pain. Last thing, I heard was when they where taking some dumb liquid out of her spine. She was pleading, yelling, crying out of sheer pain and I just ran out of the room. I am still scared.

I am as lowly worse than an earthworm. Life is full of surprises! I could have a stroke, an accident, a fatal fall, and any crazy disease! Am so vulnerable. We all are! Fame, money, success, achievement aren’t in the thoughts of Bharathy. I realize, there is a huge truth in that.

Father, help me to remember how futile this life is. Give me the strength that I need. You love me and I love you. I can’t ask for anything more in this life.