Slowing down

My neighbors say that they are scared when I run down the stairs every morning.
I have to walk a good 10 mins to the bus stop. 4-5 mins run otherwise. From the earlier near misses, I was much better, but it was anyway a morning run. AND evening run too.

They said in your career there will be dial down, dial up phase.  In this project, where we are in a phase that feels like golive is a week away (SIT starts on June 15.)  my doctor has told me to slow down.
No running down the stairs.  No running to busbay. No walking fast.  Slow down.

Be still.

JDA

JDA Uncle was my God father. Before I ever knew what that meant, I knew he was someone special in our household. He and my dad had been good friends for years. Uncle was a world traveller, a great story teller, that he could go on and on. He was a visionary.

Recovered from TB, and finishing  Bangarpet Bible school, he had taken over VBS from Hamilton. Teaching children the way of the Lord was his passion. He had dreams of a Bible world. A great Bible teacher, who insisted on teaching the Bible and living it, rather than just preaching it.

He made the Bible alive in all its glory. The Bible history - scrolls, earlier printing history, and even the flowers, animals, grains in the Bible brought in so much meaning as you hear him speak. He enjoyed what he taught, and his energy and enthusiasm is catchy. You will be pulled into the world of Bible with power.

He had got my dad, the tape recorder for helping with VBS pictures.  My brothers made good use of it, for their first light and sound programs. They recorded their cooked up stories, make shift music, my brothers songs, my voice and so much more back in the 80s.

Uncle lived such a simple life, the love of his life, his wife Beulah had passed away years ago. I took pride in being called his beul. I wish I had met him after my little girl was born. He wanted to see her. I remember his words. I wish I had called him often. :(

The first thought when I heard that he is no more, is that the warmth he would have felt when he stepped into heaven. The width and length and breadth of heaven in all its beauty and glory would have been such a amazing moment. He would have met his wife, met my mom, and whole lot of people. He would be busy basking in the love and joy and excited.

But the reality that I will never get to see him, or see his email, or hear his voice is heart breaking. I dono why i am in such an emotional mess. But I guess loved him a lot, and wish I had seen him and given him a hug.

I told you so

I was holding Amy in my arms and she was clutching a small toy in her little hands.

She had just woken up and wanted to be held.  I took the toy from her hand, and it slipped from my fingers.  The moment it dropped,  I gave a 'achacho' and she looking straight at my eyes,  and with her little finger pointed up, said 'sonaen la' in the most authoritative tone!

I was dumbstruck at the way it was delivered and couldn't help laughing as she repeated it over and over!

What's good about Good Friday!

I've had friends wishing me happy good Friday, and I had to say,  you can wish me happy Easter instead.  Then comes the question,  why is good Friday called good,  when it about the pain and suffering of Jesus and his brutal death?

Jesus died. I am alive. Killed. I am free. My curse is gone.  My anxiety, fear, punishment,  death is gone.  I am made his child.  I am grafted into his family. I now call him dad.

Why did he do it?  He loves me and the entire world.  His final plan to redeem the whole world.  But was he a victim to the Roman soldiers ? The Bible says he laid down his life.  He took the punishment that was due to us. 

He was pierced for our transgressions and the punishment that brought us peace was upon him.

Now every thing has a solution.  Every complex situation.  Every impossible problems.  Because Jesus died and he knows, understands the pain,  the fear, anxiety, death and he conquered it. 

And what's more?  He's alive!  His spirit dwells in us.  The God who made the sun,  the stars,  and makes the earth revolve in its axis in precision,  is in me!  Guiding me,  loving me,  caring me,  teaching me, hugging me every single day.

Oh how much good did that Friday bring to us!

Railway track.

Have you seen the railway track?  Runs in parallel, but never touching?

Ahh, that's what I feel most of the days this past months.  We are in endless calls.  Calls with client, calls with team,  calls with manager.  I can blame the language. But still,  I end up clueless on certain calls.

You explain something,  and someone says another. We talk the same thing,  but just don't seem to get it across! We start all over again,  and end up talking for 30 minutes on the same subject.  And then you wonder why such a simple concept as simple as abc take such a long time to get it.

Each one is built differently.  The way they talk,  understand,  put it forward. The personality, temperament, attitude, behavior. 

Many a times as I talk in this endless conversation,  I  remember the railway track. Ever close,  but never connecting! It is frustrating and you can't help laughing how much you wasted your time,  energy on something so simple!

I wonder what God thinks. His ways and mine!

Food Court

I was passing through food court today morning.  All was calm and quiet. There were considerable amount of people around. But was quite peaceful.

It got me thinking. No one can identify a manager, fresher,  a DM in the food court. We are all the same.  Everyone knew why they were there.  Nobody had to be told to eat,  or pick food,  leave their plates.

I wish work was that way.  No one to monitor, no one to tell. Every one just do their job,  because they knew it was their job!

Oh how I wish!

Enga Amma enga

That's the first thing she asks when she gets up.  And the stress is on the first word.  

I am never there when she gets up. But weekends I get to see at times when I am not in the bed with her.  She goes 'enga Amma enga?'  for about 10,15 times in short succession.  That even before I rush to the bed,  she would be in tears chanting these words.

I wish and hope I search, for Christ like that every morning!

Really?

My friend from school was sharing her conversation with her 8 year old son.

They were talking about Christmas plans to visit their dad in another country.  Mike was worried how they would travel alone. My friend had said, don't worry we have Jesus with us.  To which he replied,  what are you saying,  Jesus is not here in this world . Only the Holy Spirit is here.

Kids.  Truth.

Two trees

It happened last week. I was rushing to take the 7 am bus. (read  running). There's a tree at the signal  and one at the stop.  But that day as I was crossing the road,  I was blank for a couple of   seconds.  The road looked bare.

Where was I?  Why is it so different? Trees.  They were gone. Just like that.  They were not huge trees,  but still big trees that have stood for years. 

I can imagine the number of birds it gave shelter to.  Men,  animals too. Feeling sick I'm stomach as I see the chopped trunk and the fallen leaves. 

Unfair.  As long as we are in this world.  Unfair.

Never the same

I never  like sitting on the floor,  cross legged.  My eldest brother loves it.  Not me.  Lying on the floor was also not my cup.  And so were host of other things  like getting up early or in the middle of the night.

It all changed.  Abruptly.  No notice.  Doc had said all Indian way of life,  squatting, and others were good for normal delivery.  But even then I wasn't into it.

What came after the baby,  is THE change any girl experiences.  It starts with  sleepless nights.  You are awake every 2 hrs.  You multi task.  Feed and clean the poop.  You juggle with  the diaper, hands and legs.  You can choose a dress in a wink of the eye. 

Then comes the gymnastics. You sleep in the very edge of the bed.  You get up carefully not to wake the baby.  You sit on the floor and get up 100 times to get water,  food,  diaper,  change of clothes and Other million things.  You become  a doctor.  Give medicines,  though you yourself can't stand them.  You can with stand the scream of an hungry baby,  angry kid,  hurting kid. Which  otherwise you wouldn't even turn your head.  A slight movement of a baby can wake you up.  As silly as a mosquito bite can keep  you awake for hours and make you into a hunter all night.

Going out is a project.  You plan,  make a list of things to take for even a restaurant,  the baggage you carry can be overwhelming.  Spoons,  water,  flask,  toys,  diaper,  change of clothes and a million thing.  And you are sure to forget some important thing. For someone who likes to stuff everything into a Jean,  so as to not carry a handbag.  Well,  that's life!

It's funny how you see yourself evolve into something so different. I have cut my hair,  prefer a nightie which I used to hate,  can nibble on any leftovers, sleep for 4 hours a day - every day and not even complain. 

I now spend say 6-7 hrs at home awake.  Do I spend quality time.  No.  Am exhausted and don't even do justice to Amy.  I am my old self at office I think,  and I can't actually claim never the same.  But I guess I have changed a lot after Amy and I bet all mothers do.  Priority changes,  choices,  decisions, plans.  Almost every thing  in your life.

Guess God's plan to think less of yourself starts at motherhood.

Nostalgic

Just happened to see some of my old pictures in fb. Especially with team. My old teams,  units.  Most have left Infosys,  but the energy,  fun during that time captured in those pictures are priceless.

So looks like I had a life before Amy.  Lol.  Lately it had just been her pictures every where that I almost forgot about the rest.  Now looking at those pictures,  and commenting on them or liking them,  brings back memories.

And another fact too.  That though they were good friends from work,  now if I get to meet,  the conversation is on hru,  family,  work  and the good old days. Nothing goes much further than that. Strange and sad.  Guess I have to be content on my current situation and not expect too much.

less than 60 days

tiz less than 60 days
yet in touch with more than 30 new names,
some brazilians, some indians,
some by calls, some by mails, some by faces,
mix of webex, timezones and lots of calls
Different cities, countries, continents,
stretched and not without escalations..

Lost in rain of Portuguese,
Lost in translation
Back to back calls.
Strange personalities
Different Temperaments

Some (mean) business,
Some shared laughter.
Packed calendars
sleep less nights ( add a kid in terrible twos)
mistakes, delays, plans, deliverables.
Escalations - external & internal( read personal)

Overwhelming.
Exhilarating
Exhausting.
Head aches
Complex
Complicated.

and no silver lining
not in the NEXT 8 months.
Drowning? yes, I feel so too..
But hey am still afloat, alive, alert, ,awake, enthusiastic!

Interesting, yes. Challenging, yes. Impossible, yes. and Fun?

well, yes - to see bunch of strangers ( just 2 mths back) talking non stop on a call, trying to understand, working togethar across the oceans - connecting the dots and get that day's impossible moving. Folks from 6 countries in 1 call.. what would you call that? Beyond culture, language, experience, gender, region getting to work on one common goal.

My mantra - stuck on my desk along with the scribble of my 2 yr old - 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ', keeps me anchored, infuses energy, and on my toes again...

To my friends : if you hear me lamenting again- point me to this blog, to get me bounce back :)

-Originally written in Infybubble -19 Mar 2015

Infy Umbrellas!

I couldn't help giggling, when my eye first fell on them. Big, huge, granpa umbrella's! The place where they are, and the volume of it! I eyed all those carrying them strangely. Crazy office, crazy people!

Reality struck, one day and there I was stranded, between buildings, and it poured ( yeah, it does rain at times in Chennai), Helter skelter, we ran and that's when I understood the usefulness of umbrellas in office. But I still dint get of all the sizes, why the granpa size! ( I used to be embarrased at one such thing at home, long back.)

So there I was, (yeah it was again a rainy day), carrying a handy, the maximum foldable, tiny umbrella, that fits into my small handbag! It rained, and I proudly took mine out, whereas the others depended on the granpa ones. The rain poured, and I was all wet. The umbrella, could barely keep my head from getting wet. Oh, how I understood the usefullness of Infy umbrellas!

Now when I see the big colorful ones, I smile, for I just love them, and you would agree what a great demand it has on rainy days and ofcourse on sunny days all round the year in Mcity!

PS: It looks beautiful as you see many people carry it all togethar. Green, blue, red, orange. Lovely!


-Originally written in Infybubble- 20 Feb 2008

S P A C E

One thing I much appreciate in Mcity, is its landscape.
We, living all our lives in the city, are used the roads, narrow lanes, buildings, and more buildings. We cant offord to look up, coz you would have been stepped over, or u could step over a pot hole, or let your bag be stolen. So here we are, always looking straight, eyeing sideways and also to the ground. We hardly look up to catch a plane fly past.

What does Mcity or any Infy office give you? S P A C E ! Lot of it. Everywhere!

Be it the cloudless blue sky, the sunrise/sunset or the star filled sky, or the green lawns, the flowers, the trees, it gives you space. Space to breathe, space to relax, space to look above and SEE.

The evening sky, ( if you catch the 5.40 train) is the best painting you can get to see. The colors pink, red, orange splashed from one end to the others, with the sunlight reflecting on clouds, shows master piece of the Artist. If you work late, Moon steals the lime light. On full moon day, you cant help but remember the Bruce Almighty antics. The star studded sky, is yet another thing I enjoy.

The rolling hills, the trees, the flowers add up to the beauty. Mcity, the best for space!


-Originally written in Infybubble, 21 Feb 2008

B4-Bees, back with the BANG!

Since the completion of B4 Mcity, we have been witness to the hard work of bees. Call it determination, perseverance, hardwork. They have it all.

I sit in B4 4th floor, A wing near the window. I enjoy the rolling hills, the blue sky, the lovely sunset and ofcourse the Chennai summer heat is quite obvious here. But this was unexpected! For once while removing the shades, we experienced what I call the ‘Mummy effect’. Swarms of bees reminding of the movie ‘The Mummy’ swarm past the window, giving all in our team goosebumps that lasted for 3 whole minutes. It was like a thick black cloud of thousands of bees flying from the left to the right.

I bet, the flowers around Mcity, make it their home and the position of the glass in B4, the height of it, makes it a favorite place for the Bees. For throughout this year, every week, we see a bunch of bees up above, in different shapes. Line, round, curled, spread out, dripping. It was something to look forward to, each morning, to look up and see what’s new today.

Ofcourse, they were never made to stay long. The Facilities burn them down and we see a host of dead bees on the pavement as far as B1 too. Its sick to see them lifeless. But I know they’ll come back. The perseverance is in their blood. Their generation. The 'Never give up' attitude. 'To live to the best each day', 'come what may'.

Are they challenging us for something?

-Originally written in Infybubble -10 Jul 2008

The devil in me

It was a Friday evening. With the weekend spirit catching up, me and my friend hurried to take the 6 PM shuttle from Mcity to Paranur Railway station. The bus stopped to a halt, and I stood in the aisle waiting impatiently to get down. That's when I noticed the person in front of me. Clad in jean, and holding a bulging handbag, the ipod was almost popping out. It was a huge one.. Must be the 30 GB ipod. It was in the side bag meant for holding the cellphone.. Just when I thought of getting that person's attention to it, the devil in me, tried to try a hand at it.

As cautiously as I could, I put my hand to it, hoping against hope not to get caught red handed by this awful act. Boy! Was my adrenalin pumping!! And I picked it! Before I could give a sigh of relief, I heard a gasp. A loud one at that. I quickly turned, to see 3 pairs of wide eyes , 3 mouth popped open, following my little devilish act. I couldn't keep from wondering what the 3 guys in seat would have thought. "An Infoscion, that too one carrying a laptop (could be a mgr), in broad day light, in a public bus, with witnessess standing by, doing such a CHEAP act!" Seeing their aghast look, I couldn't help smiling at them.. A wide ear to ear beam.

I was afraid, they would alert the person ahead of me.. This all happened under a fraction of second, that I dint know, what I was upto myself. I got down, clutching the big IPOD in one hand. I was very sure, those 3 guys were watching me. I could imagine, next day's Headlines in the Infy BB. The pickpocketer Infoscion. I hope they dint see my emplid in my Id. I was determined to walk slow. I can't give in now!

It takes 10 mins to walk from the bus to the station. I almost had to wait 5 mins to let the 3 guys walk past me. I overheard one saying aloud, 'hey we could have done that da" ahem... I couldn't help giggling,and reluctantly handed the ipod over to my unsuspecting friend. We did have a good laugh over the whole incident and I wished I could have pulled the gig a lil too long atleast till my friend missed her IPOD! So I had successfully pulled it off! Not just with my friend, but also those 3 Infy guys :)


-Originally written in Infybubble 29-Aug-2008.

True Infy heroines

It was a long day, her team was working against the deadlines. Joyce had to complete her work and review her team’s work, and be ready for tomorrow’s morning status call. It was Thursday evening and she did not want things pending the next day. She dint want to work on Saturday like the previous week. She already felt guilty for not spending time with her 3 year old son. She was tired. She had to go home and cook dinner. With thoughts rushing like a flood in her mind, she realized it was late to rush from B5 to the bus bay. She would miss the 5.20 PM bus. With the sigh she waited for the 6.20 PM Shuttle- anything to get her home fast.


THUD. A huge noise. She had managed to get the last seat in the 6.20 bus. Joyce tried to find out from a guy nearby, what that noise was. The bus had stopped near Guduvanchery stop, where few girls had got down. A bike – must have been a drunkard hit the girl and fell down at a distance. Joyce got up and tried to see what happened. The girl was knocked off her sense and was bleeding badly in her face, knees.

No one else from the bus got down. The bus driver was panicking. He was scared that the girl was dead. Joyce didn’t know what to do. The sight of blood froze her. She looked around for any guys to help. No one came forward. A guy who had parked his car, near the bus stop, came to help. Joyce and another girl Vanathi ( who happened to be the hostel mate of the victim) jumped into the car. Another girl Viji from the bus got into the front seat at the last minute. She started making calls to the HR, Transport, and the security desk. She was from Delhi and infact had called Delhi Ambulance to get the Chennai Ambulance number, before the stranger offered his car for help. Things happened so quick. They rushed to the SRM hospital nearby.

Priya gained conscience, but didn’t know where, or what happened. The girls tried to keep talking and fight the fear away. The emergency room showed no emergency. All cries for the first aid- fell on deaf ears of a guy at the reception trying to register the name in a computer. How can they be so slow at a time like this? The Hospital was like an ocean, so big, with counters empty and alternate counter had to be looked. In the alternate counter it took more than 15 minutes to register the patient name. Finally after 45 mins, Priya was given some first aid. In fact, it took another one and half an hour to get her to take scan for her brain, and facial scan. Thank God it was all normal. She did hear the guy in the next bed, was the drunk 35+ year old who had hit her in the bike!

Joyce called up Priya’s dad, and tried to keep her voice from panicking and got their sister’s phone number- who was in Chennai. She called them up, tried to get them to the hospital soon. The car driver who had helped them, was around till 8.30 PM. It was getting late, Joyce waited for the cousin sister to arrive. Priya’s hostel mates 6 of them arrived. The HR, Security arrived at 8 PM and took over. Joyce sighed a big relief and rushed with her Delhi friend to catch the bus home.

The events had rocked Joyce, even though she had put on a brave face, and took the right decision at the crucial time. Looking back, she could see God’s guidance in the form of her getting the 6.20 bus, the car driver, the hostel mate, the Delhi friend, and everyone. She took the day off on Friday, to get her mind off the blood, accident and the hospital stench. She still did follow up call to check on the Priya’s health and her new found friends. It was sad that Priya’s dad did not file a police complaint. Priya had lot of injury on her face, knees and hands. She had holes visible in her fingers. It might take a long time for her to recover, and even long time for the scar to heal from her heart.

So, what wrong did the girl do? She got down from the bus, which stopped in the bus stop. This could be any of us? How many of us would be able to help like Joyce, Viji & Vanathi did? Take the decision – overcoming fear? Why were there no men, ready to help? Why didn’t they even get down from the office bus? The bus eventually stopped till police and ambulance came – and all were made to take another office bus. But at that crucial first 10 mins- why did everyone freeze and not make any decision except the three girls?

What if there was no car driver who helped? No Joyce, her hostel mate Vanathi, or the delhi girl Viji? Everyone has families, commitments. Fears, questions, not sure of what to do. It was Joyce’s first trip to SRM hospital. For the Delhi friend Viji- it was her 3rd time in an emergency situation like this. How did they do that extra mile? And the trio- were perfect strangers.

Do I have it in me? Will I respond with the reflex action, or turn away and look unnoticed seated comfortably in the bus. Even if I want to help, do I know what to do? How to respond?

True story- All characters are real and work out of Mcity Chennai DC :)

-Originally written in Infybubble - 17 Nov 2014

Best of both worlds

Am an ordinary girl, from an ordinary family. Nothing fancy.

Lately I've been cribbing a lot, lot of work, late night calls, early morning catch up of mails, handling escalations- trying to blow off the fire, before it catches up. A hurried breakfast, calls back to back, different stakeholders, skipping lunch, calls again, and ha, status reporting to everyone involved, catching the last bus home,a meagre dinner, and hardly having time to catch up at home.

My 2 year old, can't tell me clearly, but she expresses her thoughts in different ways. temper tantrums, anger, biting, and ensures she stays awake, till late night. so we get to sleep at 12 or 1 AM every day, and I catch the 7 bus. With not much of a sleep, I am stress prone, frustrated with so many things heaping on my to-do list. Not to add, my baby-sitter's wrath, for not being home on time.

So at the height of it all, I told my boss, I can't do it anymore. I am not made of that material. Its not even a month into this new project, and am already exhausted.

I read Varsha's blog yesterday http://infybubble/personal/varshabv/Blog/Lists/Posts/Post.aspx?ID=2&SortBy=RECENT&FilterValue1=FEATURED. I guess that did the trick. I realise that actually I am having the best of both worlds, like Hannah Montana! I love working, I love being a mom ( with all the shortcomings). Lot of ups and downs, but yes I do love the morning breeze, the cool of Mcity trees, the flowers, the people, the silence at 8 AM, and the hustle bustle with lync, webex, the voip, the webapps, the team and the portuguese! and I have a kid in 'terrible two', who can forgive me as quick as a blink of an eye. ( the other's are not that promisable), but hey, I am alive and kicking, so nothing worse yet!

So to all the working women, working wives, working mothers out there! Hang on!

The roller coaster ride is exhilarating! but you wouldn't wanna miss it for anything!

Enjoy the best of both worlds!


- Originally written in Infybubble. 26 Feb 2015

Work from home ( how ( does) that work?

Work from home! Ha! what a priviledge. To wake up late, no hurried bath. No traffic. Oh to work from home.. Lying on the bed with laptop.. watching tv.. munching a lazy breakfast. To complete other tasks- ( bank work, passport, a doctor's appointment, or shopping). To connect back again, to check mails, and respond back. What a life!

Isn't it? It used to be, and may be yes still for singles and guys. But NOT any more!

Work from home is a punishment. A torture, to say the least! With the 2 year old, at home, trust me, it is a nightmare! I wouldn't mind getting up early, running to catch a bus, the heavy traffic, or the work... You see, me + Phone+ laptop is a bad combination for my daughter. She gets crazy. She wants my laptop, throws the phone.

This is what happens- when I work from home. I get up early- quite early, to check mails and respond to it, BEFORE she is up! Make all calls that's necessary. Get into the other bedroom. Hide myself. I never get to go potty or eat like a normal person at home. My babysitter had to give a signal, only then I get out of the room. ( So I get to eat, once my daughter sleeps in the other room). If my babysitter is away and I get to WFH, well, I can connect only after I get my daughter to sleep.. I am exhausted, only half a house work/office work is done.

Connecting after I get home, that's another nightmare. She insists that 'I' stay with her. No one else. Not her dad, and so her rule is, if mom is home, she better be with me. I have been asking working mothers around. How do you manage? What do you do, when you have to connect from home? Once she was sick, and I couldn't take leave as I had lot of things to do, but called that I would work from home ( Bad decision), I ended up sitting in another room, and finishing them, and Amy never knew that I was home.. I could have very well, gone to office!

So that's my experience with Work from home. I dono how they do it. do you?

- Originally written in Infybubble. 2 Mar 2015

Mercy is falling!

Sweet spring rain. All over me.

Have you ever been filled,  overwhelmed by God's love.  I have.  When  I think  of it,  it feels so amazing.

The colors,  the people,  the air, there is so much to be thankful about.

Things haven't changed as much as I want it to be.  I guess I've changed  a lot.
A lot more patience perhaps.

Past few months have been tight on all fronts.  Unable to breathe,  think or plan. What next,  or rather,  how next has been a question.

But as I look up,  I see ' he calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves, psalm  107.29.' on our wall  and I see that it is so true. And I feel drenched in his love.  Completely wet.  Dripping wet!

How amazing!

Blogger app!

Dono how I did not look for it so far.

I hope I'll be able  to post more frequently.
In fact did some posts in office blog.
But nothing like your own free space!

But I guess I'll post those here too.