Thatha's chellam

Dad had terrible cold( thanks to standing outside the hospital in that cold January morning 1 AM! - He couldn't bear listening to me screaming my heart out!) that he could not carry the baby till he got rid of the cold. Moreover Amy was wee little then.

After Chithi, athai had left, it was just me and dad to take care of Amy. Right from giving her a bath, or lulling her to sleep, it was just us. Dad talked all the time, and Amy loved to hear him. After 3rd month, she started smiling at dad. Whenever dad is around, she smiles, laughs and giggles. For every picture taken, I tell dad to do something to make her laugh and she does!

When we have the family prayer, she keeps looking at dad. When he sings, she smiles, when he reads the Bible, she stares at him, without blinking. when he prays, she never takes her eyes off him. If he is moving his hand, or leg or head, that's where she'll be looking at! If he eats, she'll be staring at his mouth! If he is in the room, it is hard to get her to look at me or eat!

Its July!!

Ive been busy with my baby girl! Not just that, my mom's best friend Sowing aunty had come home, and she taught me 'smocking', embroidery and many stuffs. We stitched a pretty frock for her, and 2 more are in the making. Meanwhile, the broken sewing machine has got a face lift. Would you believe, if I told you that the same mechanic guy from Singer came to fix it? He had come home and sold it to my mother in 1999. Now, in 2013, I searched in google, and somehow got the Singer mechanic, and lo and behold, it was the same guy! He fixed it in, in under 30 minutes. The machine is as good as new. Earlier, I had got a local mechanic, and he said, the machine is an old model, and no spare parts will be available. Hence the best would be to sell it and get a new one. He said, the old one would only be worth Rs 500. The new basic model would cost Rs 7000/-. Me and sowing teacher, even thought that that was the end of the old machine, and we had not even used it much. Though old, it can sew 32 embrodiery designs, whereas the basic ones ( Rs 7000/- ) would do only 4. So did all the research, and that was when, God did a miracle, of getting me the same singer mechanic 'R.Gopinath's number! Hurray! God is goood!

Amy is growing! She is over 7 kg now. She can babble a lot, and be pretty louder these days. She can sit nicely unassisted. She plays in the tub with toys. She can change toys from one hand to another. We had her hair cut, as it had grown pretty fast at the back and in the front. So no more is her funk style. Her bangs are quite shorter :)

I started solids on 19th June. She can eat cerelac with spoon and in bottle sometimes. she likes new toys.she eyes whatever we eat and likes to taste every thing. she likes idli with chutney more than with milk and sugar! She loves our maid and enjoys every moment with her. Infact she was the one to make Amy sit down!

Fading face

I have seen Amy everyday, everyday of her life. And everyday she keeps changing.. She is bigger now. Her hair has grown so much, if pulled in front, it touches her eyes! Her hands, legs have grown too.. Her face has changed a lot since her birth.

But try as I might, to remember her face - or how she looked few months back, its blank.. All I remember is my lil girl, as she is now. Yes, the photos help.. but still my memory fails. I can't remember the things she used to do too..

Her current playtime goes like this. She is on her back, and uses both her feet like matchstick. She presses hard on her feet and pushes them! She puts her arms out, as if she is riding a bicycle! and then, in a flash she turns over.. Her hands get stuck a little, but she manages to balance herself.

I hope I cherish each day, and remember all her stunts!

Noises

I remember Amy waking up to the sounds of squirrels and birds during her first month. Chithi used to say that they come and say good morning to her. I would be nursing her, and suddenly there would be a squirrel chattering and Amy would open her eyes wide and look around and push her head to the sound of the noise. Boy, how I hated the squirrels and birds at that moment. Later, I realised, that they were infact up and thanking the Lord with their little voices and I shouldn't be mad at them.. But it was crazy when all you want is your newborn to sleep, and then she waking up at the birds song.
I then closed the curtains, at 5 AM, before Amy or the birds could wake up!

Dad's house is located near the dead end of our road, hence practically not much vehicles pass by. Hence not much noises. Just the sounds of the gate opening, and occasional truck passing by, and I was mad, whenever those woke her up.

We moved to our house on May 11th 2013, and our house is on the corner of 2 streets. Making it the most busiest road. Cycles, motorbikes, autos, vans, pass by every hour, even after midnight! And our bedroom does not block out all the noise. Amy was wide awake the entire night the first day we came. I was helpless. Seeing her sleep filled eyes, yet a honk or a vrooom waking her up every 10 mins was too much! The gate squeeking at dad's house was much better! To get her accustomed to the noises, we took her walking. We had just crossed a shop, where they began to drill some hole. It was so loud that lil Amy started crying. This was a weird cry. Not out of pain ( like injection), but out of fear. Thatha did not know what to do. Neither did I. We tried and consoled her and she seemed ok after 10 mins.

Its been 2 weeks now. She has got used to the honking, and vroooming of the vehicles. She even got used to the loud snore of thatha! I am glad Amy is adapting and getting used to different things of the worlds. I am proud of her.

Thank you Lord for teaching me to adapt too! Love you!

Flurry of activities...

My baby girl is growing! She smiles at everyone. She sticks out her tongue and blushes so beautifully.

She is getting stronger. She stomps her feet on the rocker. Her hands and feet are always on the move [ in air). I wonder, what she will do, once she starts to walk!

She is a grabber. She can grab the little toy on her rocker. She can hold the rattle for few seconds.

She sucks her fingers. The middle two fingers in her right hand. She also puts her index finger of her left hand.. Sometimes, her mouth is so full of fingers, and saliva! lol. Its funny to see how she steadies her fingers sucking with her left hand at times!

She always has bad hair day.. but I love the way it stands...

She is a big girl now. Her head is almost firm and stands upright. She tries to turn over by herself.. and has succeeded once ( only her hand got caught inside her torso)

Whenever I see her dozing off, I can't help but thank God for such a lovely girl. Thank you Jesus for your love on the cross, for your mercies, for your grace to have this lil one. Help me father, to treat her the right way :)

Where did she learn?

Amy amazes me sometimes..

Where did she learn to suck?
Where did she learn to kick her legs?
Where did she learn to smile?
Where did she learn to suck her fingers?
Where did she learn to smile?

Sure she's helpless most of the time,, Can't move her head as much as she wants to.. Can't talk, or express what she wants.. Can't move around. Can't eat what she wants..

Well she's 3 months old now, and she's gonna learn lot of things soon. She smiles whenever dad talks.. She responds to 'Ohh... oh..', 'apdiya'. she looks into each faces and smiles and giggles.. she blushes with dad too....

Milk

Past year has been one of major discovery. Your body changes, every day. Each week, the growing fetus, had quite an impact on my body. It dint stop when Amy showed up this year. It is just awesome how the milk starts coming.

I was told that it is directly proportional to how much you nurse. Give and it shall be given unto you, I read. I heard lot of stories too. My brother asks if I was a milk van or what, I was always feeding Amy!

Btw, ever wondered, how babies know things? They know how to suck milk! They know how to smile! Probably the only things that they know how to!

Sleep

Oh how I would love to sleep some more. My aunt kept insisting I sleep in December. I was too lazy to sleep then.

But now, my sleep is dependent on Amy's. Some days she sleeps and sleeps. I was so happy the other day, when she woke up at 11 AM. She's just like me! Its pretty hard to wake her up, if she sleeps. Sleep she would do, and you can't stop her!
She will fall asleep so quickly. She is a darling.

And there are days, when it is so hard to make her sleep. You can do all sorts of things, and she is wide awake. Looking at you with such big eyes, and a pretty smile- sticking out her tongue. She is so funny and she's not even 3 months old!

Owner ?

Being the youngest, I had never seen a newborn, as a child. Once when mom took me to a hospital to see her friend- who had just given birth to a baby, she took me along. That was the first time, I saw tiny feet and hands, and asked, how small they could be. Of course I wanted to carry, just like my doll Princess. I was told not to touch the baby. No kisses. Watch from a distance I was told.
When my nephew and niece were born, I carried them in my arms. But yet, I had instructions on how to hold, carry, or kiss the baby.

But now with Amy, no one has told me anything. I kiss her all I want. I carry her whenever I want. I do acrobatics, with her in my arms. Reach for something out of reach with her in my hand. And she is a doll. She is so sweet. She doesnt cry or is troublesome. She giggles, that toothless grin. Smiles and looks straight into my eyes, probably asking, 'You must be crazy'

As much tempting it is to think, I can do anything I want with her, I am reminded that Amy is not my property. I am not her Owner. I am just privileged to have her. Its by grace, and it is such a blessing. It is not over. It is no game. It is a lifetime of responsibility that I have in my hand. To nurse her, to teach her, to bring her up in God's way. Thank you Lord. Help me always be grateful and thankful to you!

Amy's words

It all started with 'hey' - if she needed milk. For the past 3 weeks, Amy has been quite talkative. She and dad talk minimum of 30 mins. She looks at him, giggles and says something or the other. Dad sings to her and she sings along. During family prayer, she keeps singing (saying) something...
ahh..ahoo, goli ( reminds me of janet!).... aaahhooo ( yahoo? ) wwahh,ah oh ( huh-oh?) ahh, ai ai ai ai ai ( GOd's must be crazy hero style) I know she'll talk soon... but i am sure gonna miss this!

Dad's favorite song 'maangal neerodai vangithu..', Adah's ' oh-ohhh, and many other songs from the seyal veerar keethangal.( fmpb songs)

Smile

One of the first songs I sang to Amy was ' Smile, Smile Jesus loves you (3) for u are so precious to Him'.

And boy, has she been smiling. She smiles at everything, the ceiling, the windows, the doors, and now, at faces. At me, at daddy's face. She likes his moustache I think. She keeps smiling at him all the time. She sticks out her little tongue outside as she smiles. She raises her eyebrows, sometimes one, and sometimes 2. She also twitches her nose, mouth at times. She is so funny. She poops, while feeding, and when you are exhausted, she just gives a wide smile, and never stops smiling! I love my lil girl. Thank you Lord for her smile!

World outside

Its the third month, and I have never been home this long. Not during school days.. When your annual vacation is a month or so. Not in college too. Neither while working. Even when I switched companies, there has not been more than a month gap.

So this has been the first time, that I am all time home. 24x7. I have lost track of date, day, or week. It is hard to imagine, that my team back in office, are still working on webstars- tickets according to their severity. The team meetings, the ever crowded food court, the busy traffic morning and evening. It is hard to imagine, that it is still the same outside. But here, the world revolves around little Amy.

Waking up, feeding her, changing her diapers. Giving her a bath. Feeding her, making her sleep, burping her. Playing with her. The routine is the same. I am seeing her grow. Her hands and legs becoming stronger, and bigger. Am living inside a smaller world now. It is hard to believe that there is another world outside. I wonder how the transition is going to be!

Amma

We called our mom, Amma, mommy, ami, mee, mo. It sounds funny, but mom was our sweetheart. This past 2 months, its been quite confusing. Whenever someone at home, talk to Amy, asking ' where is amma' , 'amma paal kudukaliya, amma ipo vandhiduvanga ( mom, will come jst now), it takes a while to realize, that they were actually referring to ME!

I am still trying to get used to it! The same with 'appa'. We never called our dad, as daddy. It was always 'Appa'. So when people refer, satish as appa, I think they refer to my daddy ( her thatha) only to realise, it was satish!

Helpless

Amy is active and energetic when she is in bed. She kicks her feet, moves them around, and even moves herself to few inches off. Her hands are quick and moving too. Her toes and fingers grasp anything that they touch, pulling sheets, hair and what not.

But you know what, when I try to lift her up and put her somewhere, she looks at me, and looks so helpless! She can't do anything that she wants. Can't talk, can't walk, can't lie down the way she wants to. The only language she speaks, I hardly understand, and that makes me helpless. I am clueless to what she wants.

It has been few weeks, since I am sleeping alone with her. Satish is out of town and my aunt, ,mother-inlaw are not around. so when she cries at night, and I look at her, and try all sorts to calm her down, and still she's crying.. I am all the more helpless. She has got cold, thanks to me, and she has a stuffy nose, that she can't breathe easily. And boy, it is so hard to see her struggle to breathe and sleep.

We got her some hanging rattles, she can't even hold them. She is too young to understand that they are toys. She cant grasp toys yet! She can't even turn her head or eyes as much as she wants to! Oh poor baby, you seem so helpless.

I was talking to my brother today, and we were wondering, how she would be one year from now on. Running around. Talking.
Life! This is an exciting ride!

Mosquito bites

Mosquitoes! Mosquitoes everywhere! Big as a fly, and swift as a flight!

Thanks to the vacant plot, and a garden with lot of green leaves, we have a good lot of mosquitoes. I thank God, for making dad get a new mosquito net for the house. All the windows, and yes even the doors were mosquito proofed. But we still had mosquitoes inside the house, and we got few mosquito bats to

My brother, was insisting that I ( when I was pregnant) always sleep inside a mosquito net. He said, they even had a separate program insisting on the importance of mother and fetus sleeping inside a net. So all the bedrooms, all the beds had mosquito net. But still we have mosquitoes injecting us.

Poor Amy is getting used to it. She has bite marks on her fingers, toes, hands and legs, and even her eyes,cheeks and forehead. In the living room, we kept her inside a mosquito net bed, and now, the cradle even has a mosquito net.

The thing with mosquitoes, you feel the bite only after being bitten!
So the thing I learnt... So be on a watch!! [Much like the evil one!]

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to. 1 Peter 5:8

Skills acquired

Oh yes, I have learnt lot of things lately..
Holding/carrying a newborn.
Multitasking. Wiping the poop off, while nursing.
Changing diapers in the dark.
Unbuttoning, buttoning Amy's clothes with one hand. ( Left or right)
Giving a newborn a bath.
Holding the newborn with one hand, and reaching out for something that's out of reach. Either with my hand or legs.
Burping the baby.
Changing Amy's diaper under a minute.
Changing Amy's clothes under a minute.
Soothing a crying baby.
Drying her hair and powdering and changing her dress under a minute.
Eating breakfast/Lunch/Dinner under 4 minutes.

Some days

When I thought I got the hang of it, it all goes haywire. Amy has been acting up lately. She doesn't sleep at night.neither in the mornings. Some days she sleeps in the mornings, and is awake at night. Somedays it is viceversa. She has started to cry not just for milk, but also for sleepiness. You won't believe that she has dark circles below her eyes already! She has been cranky lately.

I have been complaining lately. Without my aunt, mother in law or my sis-in law, it has just been me round the clock. Dad and I take turns during the day. Carrying her around when she cries. At night, Sathish takes over. But it is hard for him, as he has to go for work today. So I try not to wake him up.

Everyday is different. Everyday she is different. I try to enjoy it, and try to remember, that time will soon fly, and I won't get to remember or see, or enjoy these things. So I smile, I thank God, for her, for my family. I try not to have any expectations, but take it as it comes.

Thank you Lord for your love.

Resemblence

Ever since Amy was born, questions from family and friends have been much similar. Whom does she look like? Is she like you or Sathish?

Well, when Amy was born, 2 things stood out. Her hair. Her legs. Her hair was thick and ofcourse like me! :D Her legs were so long and thin. Her fingers and toes were pretty long for a new born. She was a quite fair child. Her Lily grandma is fair, tall and her palms and feet or quite large ( size 11!) Her nose was like mine. Her lips were so cute, so small, so red. Just like my mom's! Jeba ( my bro in law) when he first visited us, asked us if we had put lipstick on her! :) Her head is round, which made him ask if we had massaged it to make it round. Silly! He also found out that Amy had 2 swirls on her head. Guess she's going to be naughty.


Now that Amy is almost 2 months old, she looks a lot bigger and quite different. She has lost some color, her legs are stout and no more are thin or long. Her eye lashes still look like mine, and so are her eyes. Sometimes, she looks so much like a boy, and I feel as if she looks like praveen and sometimes prem's eyes. Its so hard to find her neck, that we joke its like Prem's!


She keeps changing everyday, but above all, I would like people to say that she has her 'Father's eyes' Eyes that find the good in things When good is not around Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain Knowing what you're going through, and feelin' it the same Just like my father's eyes - Amy Grant :)

Help

Last year- during the early weeks of pregnancy, when my friends asked who is going to help during my delivery.. I just smiled. I had no idea. December and onwards seemed far and 'unknown'.

My aunt offered to help for a month. She came on November 25th. The day we had a prayer meeting, and I reached dad's place. My sister in law came on 22nd Dec. After Amy was born, my mother in law helped for a week. My aunt decided to stay longer, and she stayed even after my sister in law left ( Jan 28th). When my aunt fell sick, and couldn't stay, my mother in law stayed to help.

Just as we had prayed, God provided. At the right time. When everyone left, and we expected an angel to drop in, there was none. But God is sufficient for us. He has provided us with strength, love and courage. And so he suffices and we praise Him for his love.

Once again, as we leap into the unknown, He has proved that He is worthy of trust. Thank you Jesus, you are so awesome! Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord our Maker

Her first painful cry

The moment she was born, Amy coughed and her cry was short and sweet to hear. Her cry for food, cry for attention, cry to sleep are so distinct.

But yesterday was different. She had her second vacination. The first one was on her left hand. The doctor gently put the needle under the tiny skin, it looked scary, but she cried for 5 seconds and then was ok. But not yesterday. The needle was 1 inch long, and before I realised it the doctor stuck it with force on her litte left thigh! And the scream, oh boy that was heart breaking. Her her mouth was wide open with pain, her eyes were teary, and her face was red and she cried.

The doctor gave some medicines for fever and asked to give ice pack to her thigh. We brought her home, and she refused to lay down. She clinged to my shoulders. She wouldn't go to Sathish or dad too. We gave her the medicines and tried to put her to sleep. I had her on my shoulders till 2 AM. She dozed off after that.

As she lay on my shoulders, I realized this was no play doll stuff. I had in my arms, a baby, who will face pain difficulty, and will run to me. And thereby I have on my shoulders a huge responsibility of bringing her up, molding her in Godly character and knowledge of God. She is unique with a personality, likes and dislikes, with lots of talents, energy and desire. Lord, give me the strength to carry on!

The Amy style

The Amy dance

She did this occasionally, that she scared the wits out of me in the middle of the night the very first time. Her eyes are closed or semi-open, her lips are O shaped and her shoulders are flat, and her hands are stiff. The legs are folded and in air and move to one side with a kick, simultaneously, the shoulders move the opposite sides. So her shoulder, hands and leg move the opposite direction. She did this for a couple of times, and was pretty scary first.. But now I enjoy.. I haven't seen her dance for the past two days!

The Amy kick

Amy's legs looked pretty long when they were born. They were so thin, that we joked, it resembled the chicken leg piece. Now her legs have grown and they look normal and cute. When she is laid down, she never puts her leg down. They will be in air kicking. The first week, she tried to keep one leg over the other and tried to turn over..! If you lie next to her, her lil legs will keep kicking u. The 'quick dry sheet' will be kicked and kicked that it will be one side of the bed! Amy can never be covered with blanket. Any thing that touches her leg ought to be kicked. So we cover up her tummy alone with blanket, and let her sleep. Once she is sound asleep, the legs can be covered, but mind you, if she feels the blanket, she would kick it, until the blanket comes off her legs and no where near the vicinity and her sleep goes for a toss! :)

The Amy talk.

My niece Adah, who just turned one on Jan 27th, is a big time talker. To equal Adam's energy and sound, she is quite loud and energetic herself. She loved to enter our room, and explore the table, bed, and everything inside( including the dirty napkin bag). Amy at times, sleeps through the noise, but the screaming and yelling sound, does jolt her up. So what did Amy learn? 'Hey'. It is more like 'yay'. So Amy says, 'Hey', everytime she wants milk. I am sure, she would have learnt more words, had Adah been around now.

The Amy hairstyle

Amy has two swirls on her head. They say, she could be handsful :) So the 2 swirls, make her hair stand straight, giving her a natural spike on her head. She looks so cute. Trust me, we are not able to remove her spikes, unless we put enough hair oil to keep it down! She also has lots of hair in the back of the head. So her little neck is covered with this hair, and had to be dried everytime, we wash her head down! Funk style! Spikey funk style!

The Amy smile.

Amy has a beautiful smile. Earlier, she used to smile only in her sleep, and then she started smiling, after her tummy was full. Slowly she started to smile at faces. She looks at you enquiringly, and there goes the flashy toothless grin. Oh, how I love my baby!

Moments

When Amy clutches yr little finger with all her 5 lil fingers.
When I put her on my shoulder, her right hand embraces my left shoulder and her right hand is either around my neck or clutches the chain i wear around my neck.
When she looks at my eyes and smiles wide.
When her tiny hand rests on my hands.
When her tiny legs stops kicking when I touch her feet.
When she starts sucking my hands in a hurry.
Her tiny squirrel eyes, look enquiringly at you at 2 AM.
When she coos and caass, and starts saying something that you are not aware of!
Her yawning.
Her smiling when bathing.
When she calms down after every feed.
When she smiles so wide after her tummy is full.

I know that these moments are fleeting, and I nor her will remember it later, but I want to cherish and I thank the Lord for each of these little moments, He has gifted me. Thank you Lord!

Girl's instincts!

My mother in law and I were giving bath to Amy, and I took her in my hands to pat her dry, and then I realised, I have treated my doll Princess years ago, the same way.


Pat, pat, pat, talking to her, singing for her, putting powder on her and cuddling her, swaddling her with a cloth... Princess was my life sized baby doll. Amy is now my life sized real baby doll! I am not sure if mother's instinct has kicked in for me now, but I see that every girl has some girlish actions as a kid. Though I was more tom boyish, growing up with the boys, I see that somehow, somewhere there is a connection..


It is amazing to know, that fetus in the mother's womb, if it is a girl develops all the needed approx SEVEN MILLION eggs in week 20! Imagine week 20!! The boy fetus develops his things much later :P So I guess its in the blood...and it is a joy to cherish and carry around a living baby doll :) I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Silky Soft

Amy has began to look straight into our eyes, and smile.  She rotates her eyes and sees the ceiling most of the time though!

I know when she flexes each muscles, and why she does that ( not 100% accurate though! ) She clenches her wrist, when she drinks milks. She grimaces when she is about to pass. Her face turns red, and her little tongue ( like that of a little bird)sticks out, but mind it, there is no sound yet. After few seconds you hear her yelp. Yes, it is not a cry, but a tiny yelp. But looking at her face, you know, she is hungry. She will put her fingers into her mouth and start sucking, she will suck anything that comes in contact with her mouth, and now you know she is really hungry!

Her tiny fingers, toes are so cute! Her skin is so soft and silky, you wish to touch and feel her skin all the time. Yes, she is stinky at times, and make my clothes wet and stinky. I smell of milk, vomit, urine and motion almost all the time.


Though I am home all day, I am the busiest and dirtiest no matter how many times I take bath. I can't be away from her. She needs me all the time.She is dependent on me! I wonder how much I am dependent on God! I bet, he is thinking of me, providing, protecting, nourishing me all the time, all these 31 years. He has been merciful and gracious! Thank you Lord Jesus!

The doll!

My uncle got me a baby doll, when I was a kid. I named her Princess. I don't remember having many dolls, while growing up. I had another teddy bear ( from my aunt), whom I named Bobby and another little doll with long flowing blonde hair( from Dr uncle). I named her Grace.

Princess was baby sized. She had blue eyes, and white hair ( probably after I washed her ?)  She had pretty lips, and I remember carrying her all the time. making her sleep and feeding her.  She had a pacifier, which when taken from her mouth, Princess used to cry. I lost it somehow and hence we removed her battery. She was easy to carry around. She was light in weight, and she slept next to me and had her own pillow. Bobby and Grace also slept next to her.

My sister-in-law the other day, said, that I am treating Amy like a doll. Carrying, pulling or holding Amy like Princess? Well, Princess was well behaved. She never woke up in the middle of the night, she never cried. She was easy to soothe, and so easy to make her sleep. But Amy, is doll sized allright, but she is alive! Oh how nice to see her little fingers clasp my pinky. And to see her legs kicking and dancing in the air! Oh Amy is so funny! Troublesome, but cute :)

After effects

The climax was over. Amy was born. I knew it was going to be different from on, with feeding, sleeping and changing nappies. But I wasn't ready for the after effects.

I came home on the 4th of Jan.  Our room, was nicely made. the mosquito nets were up and my sister-in-law said, I have to be here all month, no going anywhere. My antennas were up. I thought she was joking, till my aunt chiped in, and I got alarmed, when food came into this room. No going to the other room? Ask, what you need they said, and we'll get it to you. Water, towel, book or whatever. Lay down on the bed, all the time! Bed? what's wrong with you people, I almost screamed. Dad had no idea, what this all meant, so did I.

I was given extra food, extra milk, extra care. I felt good, and dint like all the fuzz, a wee bit. 2 days later, the pain started. My whole body started aching. My arms, legs, back, even fingers, and I wondered what on earth happened suddenly. I had an episitomy, and I had been on pills for first 5 days, and the 6th day, it was horrible. I couldn't sit, stand or walk, forget laying down. It was so terrible. I was angry and mad, and I asked my sil, aunt and friends, how come no one told about this pain.  They said, it would be there for a month, which got me really upset. 1 month. I couldn't stand it for 1 day. I called up the hospital, asking if anything can be done. I got the same reply. Once the sutures come off, you will be ok.  It was even worse with constipation. I prayed and wished that the stitches would come off. But it din't look like it.  My lil one also bit me off and that hurt even more.  Sleepless nights, the pain and the ache, just makes you cranky.Also I was told I should lay on my back ONLY. All the 40 weeks, I had slept on my sides, now I have to lie only on my back. Its not easy being a mother!

Its almost a month now, and as I look back, I thank God for sending my aunt and my sister-in-law, who bore with my crankiness and loves me still.  I thank God for the sutures that fell off, one by one though they were all painful.  I thank God for a lovely baby, who bears with my craziness.  I thank God for his love. I can't help wonder how my mom put up with my peeing, pooping and crying.  I thank God for her love.

Kicker

Well, its almost 4 weeks since Amy came into our life and life hasn't been the same since. Its a joy to see her.  Her legs are so long, that she keeps kicking them all the time. I wonder how she remained such a good girl in my belly.  ( I felt no big kicks) But now, whichever is in contact with her feet, she kicks them off. Be it blanket or my tummy. Her movements are so quick, that she can move herself from one place to another, by just kicking her legs.
She can easily keep both her legs at 90 degree.  She can bring them upto 120 degree( near to her tummy) and can keep them there - fully stretched out. She can do gymnastics when she grows up, I guess! Her feet can be folded and tucked away neatly too. She does that often too, that's how she obviously was inside my little belly.
Her face keeps changing. Her looks, are so funny and so enjoyable! She can go from smiling, to groaning, to grumpy, and crying in a matter of seconds! She is adorable.  

Thank you Lord! Everytime, I look at her, I can't help but wonder how beautiful and amazing your handiworks are!

Amy

They placed her on my now deflated belly. She was wriggling extending her legs and hands.  I was numb.It had been quite a night.
The day had started with the new year! Sathish was worried, if I can make it to church. I was game. We walked to church. Good exercise. Meeting friends at church only worried me. 'EDD 1st Jan, and you are here?' Walking back home was tiring. My back started to ache. My sis in law was at her dad's place. My aunt was at her son's place. I din't want to scare them. After all it was a dull ache.. Through it, I slept through after lunch.
Evening was action packed. I started getting the contraction every 5 mins. I called the hospital, they told me to come in.  Lil Adah fell and cut her skin on top of her right eye. We were so pre-occupied with things, that nobody thought I had enought pain to deliver the same day.  I insisted, and we took our hospital bag, and headed there at 10.30 PM ( 1st Jan).
The fetal heart rate and mine were normal, so after check up, enema, they induced me. Boy, it was so bad. I can't explain that. Your stomach tightens, your back aches, and they tell you to push!  The frequency hightens every minute, and I kept screaming, that I can't take it anymore. I started wishing, why I can't let the baby stay in my belly. It was no harm. Infact I felt quite comfortable carrying the baby around. But this pain to get out, was just not right!
 When the contraction subsides, I keep saying the verses, remember Mary during the Christmas night, the pain on the Cross. But oh, when the contraction starts, I can only yell! I kept saying, Lord, it is not the doctors, who take the baby out, but as in Psalms 22:9, you take it out!
The labor ward was even more weird. They told me to get on the bed, and I jump in - crazy with the pain.My jump causes the IV to break and I am wet with the IV fluid dripping on me. The nurses get upset, and by the time doctor comes in , we are all ready for the baby!
The doctor kept saying, I was doing great.. did I? I am not sure.. They told me not to scream or yell and to save my energy. I was ready to  get out of there.. Oh, why can't they leave me and my baby! I could see the doctor holding an injection, she was ready to do an episitomy.  I wished I had a zip, to open my belly to take the baby out.. And after some excruciating pushes, and the nurses pressing my belly so hard, the baby was out.. It's a baby girl, the doc said, and placed her on my now deflated belly.  I was just ready to get out of there.. The baby was thin, pale, and moving her legs and hands.

I am told that, that when the doctor took her out to Sathish, my dad, aunt and brother, she was wide awake, blinked and opened her eyes to see everyone! Oh, thank you Lord for bringing her out :)

We named her Amy- after the missionary Amy Carmichael, and my mother Amirtha.  She has real long fingers,  toes, long hands and legs! :)

Misjudgement

Its been awhile, and I have never felt so clumsy before. When I open the door, so often, I hit my belly against it. So do I when I move my chair closer to the dining table. Oops, there is my belly and my baby.

My growing belly, comes against anything normal, and I keep felling clumsy over the edges! Getting onto the bed has been tough, and so has getting out been.  I am told that the baby is LOA one week and then she turns ROT. So I try not to turn in bed, but my whole left side aches, head, ears, neck, shoulders,arms, torso, thighs and legs. So I turn and I literaly have to hold/carry the belly and lay it on the side. I know the baby is in. Isn't it strange.. a baby inside my belly.. of all the places.. and he/she is growing.. and i can feel and see it move around..

The movements have been less, but they are there for sure! :)

Timing!

A friend quoted her pastor saying that 3 things were unpredictable. 1. The birth of a baby, 2. The timing of a thief at night. 3. Coming of Jesus Christ.  Well, the second and third are agreeable, but I was quite taken back with the first one.  Isn't it the EDD, good enough? Not quite.  Anytime is unpredictable, with everyone's expectation on an increasing note, it is quite hard to keep myself tucked in :)

Its all upto the baby. The baby's head had turned. My belly has been its biggest size. The baby is full grown, the doctor said on Nov 30th, and she can be out anytime. But yet, the baby is determined to stay inside. Snuggle inside the dark and wait to come out.  The verse ' you took me out of my mother's womb' reminds me, that God has his own timing to bring the baby out. So we just wait.

oh when?

December baby or January Baby? Boy or a girl? Christmas release or New year release? 2012 or 2013?Each day, there had been lot of anticipation... Phone calls coming in, were not to wish for Christmas or new year, but to find out how I was doing, and if the baby is born yet.
The last week of December 2012, were more anxiety packed. Friends and family made sure,they called regularly to get baby update.  My mom's friends called daily. My aunts called.  I know, most of my friends remembered and prayed.
How did I feel? I was happy to carry her around in my belly. More safe and comfortable, I had got myself to.  I did want to see the baby, but I did wonder, if I will be able to go to church on Christmas or New Year- both of which I did! :)
and so she waited. Waited to be January baby. Waited to be 2012. A beautiful girl! Thank you Lord!